We all know people who act funny.

Sometimes they do things that seem out of the ordinary or out of character for them specifically.

And we wonder, “Why’d they do that?”

If only we could take a swim inside their heads and see what’s going on in there. Then again, maybe we don’t have to. Maybe their actions are a big clue to how they feel inside.

One of the things we might discover is that they have much lower self-esteem than we would have suspected.

Self-esteem is defined by the American Psychological Association as “the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self-concept are perceived to be positive.”

So low self-esteem is when a person looks at themself and doesn’t see much to feel positive about.

If someone displays these surprising behaviors, they have low self-esteem, and there might be something you can do to help boost it.

1) Refusing to try new things

The world is so full of potential experiences that there’s no way we could ever have them all in a thousand lifetimes. 

And yet, many people seem to be very reluctant to do something different from what they did yesterday and the day before that.

Sometimes, we don’t try new things simply because we’re quite content with what we’ve already got.

Myself, I ate a peanut butter, jam, and cheese sandwich for lunch just about every day through all my years in school. I just loved it, it was easy to make, and I could eat it in about 20 seconds and then get on with other things.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t try new things, however. I was more than happy to try cooking new recipes I found just about anywhere and going to restaurants to sample dishes from around the world.

To me, trying new things, whether they’re food, music, or other activities, is a real joy. It adds texture and novelty to life and makes it more exciting.

So when I meet people who refuse to even try something new, not even a tiny taste or a little listen, I find it quite surprising.

But this might be because they don’t feel like they deserve it. 

People with low self-esteem often don’t feel worthy of the good things they already have. This may also mean they don’t feel like they deserve the stimulation and pleasure that new things can bring.

Even when you try something that ends up being totally nasty, you still get to learn about the world and your own tastes. 

But for people with low self-esteem, these experiences are disappointing. They might feel bad about themselves for “failing to like something,” so they’d rather just avoid the opportunity.

2) Partying too much

This should come as a big surprise.

We normally think of people who party a lot as being almost hyper-social and really fun-loving and engaging.

But if we think deeply about it for a moment, we realize that this is by no means the profile of everyone who parties hardy.

I have one friend who is definitely like this, though. Pam’s effervescent and brimming with energy. She loves to go out dancing all night or drinking and laughing until dawn. It seems like her mission in life is to bring fun and joy into other people’s lives.

But another friend, Mike, seems to have totally different motivations. He parties just as much as Pam but never seems to have anywhere near the same amount of fun.

Instead, he always seems hungover and like he hasn’t slept enough. He’s almost always grumpy except when he’s partying and even sometimes when he is.

I think the difference is in their motivation and personality.

Pam is out to have a good time and is focused on joy. She definitely has tons of self-esteem that makes her feel like a fun person who can improve other people’s lives.

But Mike seems to have low self-esteem. His form of partying (and yes he mixes in a lot of drugs and alcohol) almost seems like a form of self-abuse. It’s like he doesn’t care about himself or doesn’t deserve to take care of himself.

I think this is common for people who party too much as if they’re punishing themselves rather than rewarding themselves.

3) Eating badly

Another way that people with low self-esteem seem to punish themselves is by eating badly.

There’s so much to munch out there, but most people know what’s good for them and what’s not.

We’ve had enough food pyramids, fad diets, and media stories to know that tons of fat, salt, and sugar can have real negative effects on our health. Yet a lot of us pretend not to know anything about all that!

There are a few reasons why people eat badly. They may honestly not know what’s nutritious and what’s junk. They might love the taste of sweets or salty snacks, and they might reward themselves with these delicious tidbits from time to time.

Or they might not care.

Some people just want to eat what they love, but others eat unhealthy food because they don’t feel they deserve to be healthy or take care of themselves.

These are the people with low self-esteem who often eat to make themselves feel better in the short term, even while hurting themselves in the long term.

4) Taking things too personally

People who have high self-esteem are pretty good at separating general complaints and criticisms from those aimed at themselves.

If the boss says, “We’re doing terribly this quarter,” they won’t immediately fall into a funk and blame themselves. They’ll already know how well they’re performing and can still be doing their best even if the business is struggling.

But a person with low self-esteem might take this personally.

Even if no one says or implies it, they might feel like the comment is directed at them specifically. It reinforces their feeling that they’re not good at what they do or anything at all.

5) Being indecisive

It’s hard for people with low self-esteem to make decisions, even little, inconsequential choices.

This might be a surprise since things like selecting a pair of socks in the morning or picking a flavor of ice cream shouldn’t be choices that make any sort of difference in our lives.

Yet, for people with low self-esteem, these choices are still a struggle.

Why?

People who have good self-esteem believe in their abilities and are connected to their own needs. 

They are quickly able to make minor decisions because they don’t worry about their minor consequences. They also trust themselves more and that makes bigger choices easier as well.

People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, don’t trust themselves. They have negative views of themselves and, therefore always feel like they risk messing up if they make the wrong choice, even if it’s just about the color of their socks.

6) Being quiet

We have a lot of advice and idioms relating to keeping quiet.

“Silence is golden.” “A wise person knows when to hold their tongue.” “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”

While all of these quotes exhort the virtues of keeping quiet, they’re not the only reasons people behave this way.

You may think that a person on your team at work is normally quiet because they’re a careful, deep thinker. But it could be just as likely that they have low self-esteem.

If they do, they’ll feel like they don’t have anything smart to add or useful to contribute. They’ll think that others are more intelligent and erudite than they are so it’s best to just clam up to keep from looking stupid.

7) Generosity

Not all generous people have low self-esteem, but some do, and that may come as a surprise.

Some people give gifts, share, and help others out from the bottom of their hearts. However, people with low self-esteem do these things because they have holes in their hearts that they’re trying to fill.

If you don’t think you’re a good or worthwhile person but you have money, you might throw it around in a desperate attempt to make people like you.

Even if you don’t have a lot to share, you still might if you want to try to make people like you through your self-sacrifice. And what’s the problem with that if you don’t mind making sacrifices because you don’t feel you deserve anything anyway?

If someone displays these surprising behaviors, they may have low self-esteem. I know a lot of these clues are more than just a little counter-intuitive, but that’s why it can be so hard to tell when someone’s self-esteem is actually quite low.

But once you realize that it is, there might be ways that you can help.

Showing that person that you and others see their value is probably the best way to help them boost their self-esteem. You might find that a lot of these behaviors go away.