“Great conversation is an art.”

It’s true, great conversationalists have a unique ability to make you feel heard, understood, and valued.

They can turn a mundane chat into an engaging exchange of ideas and thoughts.

But becoming a great conversationalist isn’t always as simple as it seems.

You might not notice it, but there are certain subtle behaviors that can differentiate a good conversationalist from a great one.

So, if you’re wondering “What makes someone a great conversationalist?” keep an eye out for these seven subtle behaviors.

1) Active listening

We often think of conversation as speaking. But in reality, listening is half the equation.

Here’s the catch.

A great conversationalist doesn’t just hear what you’re saying, they actively listen. They show genuine interest, ask relevant questions, and respond thoughtfully.

They don’t interrupt you or try to steer the conversation towards themselves. Instead, they respect your thoughts and give you the space to express them.

Active listening is more than just being silent while the other person talks. It’s about being present, engaged, and fully invested in the conversation.

Understand, people value feeling heard – it’s a basic human need. The next time you’re having a conversation, try to listen more and talk less.

You might be surprised by how much you learn and how strong a connection you can build.

2) Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a crucial trait of a great conversationalist.

Let me tell you a story.

A few years ago, I was going through a rough patch. I felt lost and didn’t know what to do. That’s when I had a conversation with my friend Jane.

She didn’t offer any advice or try to fix my problems. She simply listened and acknowledged my feelings, saying things like “That sounds really tough” and “I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you.”

This empathy made me feel validated and understood. I didn’t feel alone anymore.

And that’s what empathy can do in a conversation. It helps create a safe space where people can express their feelings without the fear of judgement or criticism.

If you want to be a great conversationalist, make empathy your secret weapon. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and respond with understanding and compassion. Trust me, it makes all the difference.

3) Open-ended questions

There’s an art to asking questions. 

I used to think that being a great conversationalist meant having all the answers. But I was wrong.

During a chance encounter at a coffee shop, I met an old man. He didn’t have an impressive title or a long list of achievements. What he did have was an innate curiosity and the ability to ask insightful questions.

He asked me about my dreams, my fears, my inspirations. He didn’t just ask what I did for a living; he asked why I chose it and what I love about it.

His questions made me think and reflect, and in doing so, our conversation became more meaningful.

When we ask open-ended questions, we show that we’re interested not just in the surface-level details, but in the person’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

It allows us to connect on a deeper level and makes our conversations more fulfilling.

Next time you’re in a conversation, resist the urge to fill every silence with your own stories or facts. Instead, ask an open-ended question and watch the conversation unfold.

4) Body language

Ever notice how some people make you feel comfortable and at ease during a conversation, while others make you feel tense?

The difference might be in their body language.

Great conversationalists are experts at non-verbal communication.

They maintain appropriate eye contact, lean in when you’re talking to show interest, and use their facial expressions and gestures to convey understanding and empathy.

I remember a job interview I had years ago. The interviewer was aloof and hardly made any eye contact with me.

He kept looking at his watch and seemed more interested in his laptop than in what I was saying. I felt uneasy, ignored, and unimportant.

On the other hand, when I interviewed with another company, the hiring manager had a warm smile on her face. She maintained eye contact, nodded as I spoke, and her relaxed posture put me at ease.

The difference was clear. The second interviewer’s positive body language made me feel respected and valued. It turned a typically stressful situation into a pleasant and meaningful conversation.

Understand, being a great conversationalist isn’t just about what you say; it’s also about how your non-verbal cues complement your words.

5) Respectful disagreement

Agreements make conversations pleasant, but disagreements can make them interesting.

Here’s what I mean.

Great conversationalists understand that it’s possible to disagree without being disagreeable. They respect diverse opinions and are open to seeing things from a different perspective.

I once had a heated debate with a friend about a political issue. We had opposing views, but we both remained respectful throughout the conversation.

We listened to each other’s points, challenged them in a friendly manner, and even though we didn’t change each other’s minds, we gained a better understanding of the other’s viewpoint.

And, when you find yourself in a disagreement, remember it’s an opportunity to learn something new. It doesn’t have to be an argument; it can be a dialogue where both parties grow and learn.

6) Genuine praise

A compliment can light up someone’s day. But more than just making someone feel good, genuine praise can spark a beautiful conversation.

My neighbor, an elderly woman named Mrs. Johnson, has a garden that she tends to every day. One day, I stopped by and complimented her on how beautiful her roses looked.

Her face lit up, and we ended up having a long conversation about her love for gardening, the types of plants she grows, and gardening tips she’s learned over the years.

Not only did I learn something new that day, but it also brought us closer as neighbors.

Great conversationalists understand the power of genuine praise. They’re not afraid to give compliments and appreciate the good in others.

It’s not about empty flattery; it’s about acknowledging someone’s efforts and achievements.

7) Authenticity

At the heart of every great conversation is authenticity.

Great conversationalists are genuine. They don’t put on a facade or try to impress others with embellished stories or achievements. Instead, they’re comfortable being themselves and sharing their true thoughts and feelings.

In a world full of filters and edited realities, authenticity stands out. It invites trust, fosters deeper connections, and makes conversations more compelling.

Be true to yourself. Your unique thoughts, experiences, and perspectives are what make you interesting. Authenticity can’t be faked, and it’s the most valuable trait you can bring to any conversation.

Being a great conversationalist isn’t about being the most eloquent speaker or the most knowledgeable person in the room. It’s about being present, being genuine, and valuing the person you’re conversing with.

And here’s a comforting thought – everyone can become a better conversationalist.

Progress may be slow, and that’s okay. Change takes time and patience. But with each mindful conversation, you’ll find yourself becoming a better listener, a better communicator, and ultimately, a better conversationalist.

So go on, start a conversation today. You never know where it may lead or what you might learn.