If someone displays these 9 subtle behaviors, they probably struggle with low self-esteem

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | August 22, 2024, 2:00 pm

Most of us have dealt with self-esteem issues at some stage in our lives. If you have, you know how paralyzing and debilitating it can be. 

It can seep into every aspect of life, shaping how we see ourselves and how we interact with the world around us.

Low self-esteem isn’t always obvious. It often hides behind behaviors that seem ordinary on the surface but reveal a deeper inner struggle.

From constant self-criticism to an inability to accept compliments, these signs can be indicators that someone is battling with their sense of self-worth.

Let’s take a look at some common behaviors associated with low self-esteem. 

1) Constant self-criticism

One of the most common signs of low self-esteem is constant self-criticism.

It’s that little voice inside their head that constantly tells them they’re not good enough, they’re not smart enough, or they’re not talented enough. No matter what they do, it’s never quite right.

We all engage in self-criticism from time to time. But for those with low self-esteem, it’s a relentless barrage.

They might even express this self-criticism openly, putting themselves down in conversation or dismissing their own achievements.

Understanding is the first step to helping. Recognizing this behavior for what it is – a symptom of low self-esteem – can be the starting point toward offering support.

2) Overly sensitive to criticism

Have you ever given someone a bit of constructive feedback, only to see them crumble before your eyes?

This could be a sign of low self-esteem.

For example, I remember a colleague of mine, let’s call her Sarah. Sarah was incredibly talented but seemed to take every bit of feedback as a personal attack.

After a team meeting, I once gently suggested that she could improve her presentation skills for more impact. Instead of taking it as a helpful tip, she broke down and admitted she felt like she was terrible at her job.

This was shocking to me because from where I was standing, Sarah was one of our most capable team members.

People with low self-esteem tend to see criticism as validation of their own negative self-image instead of an opportunity for growth and improvement.

3) Difficulty accepting compliments

Accepting compliments graciously seems like a simple thing, but for some people, it’s a real challenge. They may brush off the compliment, change the subject, or even argue against it.

This behavior often links back to low self-esteem. When someone struggles with their self-worth, they might find it hard to believe that others genuinely appreciate their qualities or achievements.

People with low self-esteem have a stronger preference for indirect compliments and are more likely to reject direct compliments.

This might seem counterintuitive, but when you realize that these individuals often have a distorted self-view, it makes sense.

A direct compliment challenges their negative self-perception, making it uncomfortable to accept.

4) Negative body language

Body language can reveal a lot about how we feel about ourselves. For those with low self-esteem, their body language often mirrors their inner struggle.

They might avoid eye contact, constantly fidget, or have a slumped posture. These subtle cues can indicate that they’re uncomfortable in their own skin or feel unworthy of others’ attention.

The way one carries oneself can reflect their self-perception.

People with high self-esteem often stand tall and maintain eye contact, exuding confidence. On the other hand, those struggling with self-esteem may shrink into the background, hoping not to be noticed.

5) Frequently saying sorry

We all apologize when we’ve done something wrong. But for those with low self-esteem, saying sorry can become a default response.

Whether it’s for minor mistakes, things beyond their control, or even for simply expressing their feelings, they might find themselves constantly apologizing.

This excessive apologizing can be a sign of feeling unworthy or guilty. It’s as if they’re unconsciously seeking validation or trying to avoid potential conflict or criticism.

It’s not about stopping them from saying sorry, but helping them recognize when an apology is truly necessary and when it’s a reflection of their low self-esteem.

6) Overcompensating through perfectionism

Perfection is a myth.

Sometimes, those struggling with low self-esteem strive for perfection in everything they do. They believe that by being perfect, they can avoid criticism and gain acceptance from others.

I’ve seen this in friends who spend hours agonizing over a single email or a simple task, terrified of making a mistake. They push themselves to extremes, often at the cost of their own well-being.

But perfect is an impossible standard. And when they inevitably fail to meet it, their self-esteem takes another hit, creating a vicious cycle.

Knowing this behavior when we see it can help us empathize with their struggles and provide them with the support they need to break free from this damaging cycle of perfectionism.

7) Avoiding risks

Taking risks can be scary, even more so for people with low self-esteem. They often worry about failure and the potential criticism that comes with it, so they prefer to stay in their comfort zone.

I know this feeling all too well. I used to avoid public speaking at all costs – the thought of messing up in front of a crowd was paralyzing. I realized later on that this fear stemmed from my own struggles with self-esteem.

When you’re afraid of failing, you’re less likely to try new things or put yourself out there. This avoidance can limit personal growth and reinforce negative self-perceptions.

It’s important to encourage those struggling with low self-esteem to take calculated risks and celebrate their courage, regardless of the outcome.

8) Difficulty saying no

For some, the word ‘no’ is the hardest one to say. They may find themselves constantly agreeing to things they don’t want to do or overcommitting their time.

This can be a sign of low self-esteem. They might worry that saying no will lead to rejection or conflict, so they agree to avoid these situations, even if it’s at their own expense.

However, it’s essential to set boundaries and prioritize one’s own needs. Difficulty in doing so can be a clear indicator of low self-esteem. Therefore, fostering the ability to say no when needed can be a significant step in boosting self-esteem.

9) Seeking constant validation

People with low self-esteem often seek constant validation from others. They may continuously ask for reassurance or approval, unable to trust their own judgment.

This need for external validation often stems from a deep-seated belief that they are not enough. They rely on others to affirm their worth because they find it challenging to see it in themselves.

The path to building self-esteem starts from within. External validation can provide temporary relief, but it’s self-acceptance and self-love that truly make a difference.

Feeling comfortable in your own skin

Overcoming low self-esteem is about finding comfort within yourself. Recognizing these behaviors—whether in yourself or others—is the first step toward healing and growth.

It’s important to remember that self-worth doesn’t come from external validation, but from learning to appreciate and accept who you are, flaws and all.

Building self-esteem is a process that takes time and patience. By acknowledging the signs and making small, positive changes, anyone can begin to break free from the cycle of self-doubt.

Encourage yourself and those around you to embrace imperfections, take risks, and stand tall in their own skin.