Have you ever felt the energy in a room instantly darken when someone walks in? 

Or do you always feel exhausted after hanging out with a particular friend?

We all carry unique, energetic vibes that others around us can sense. Our vibes can be high or low, so some people’s presence lifts our energy while others drain it.

As the energetic vibes of others affect our own well-being, we should choose who we spend time with wisely.

If someone displays the following 10 behaviors, they are likely an energy drainer who you should avoid.

1) Talking only about themselves

One of the first behaviors you’ll notice among draining people is their selfishness. 

They only talk about themselves, never asking about you or showing interest in your life. 

This is because draining people, or energy vampires as they are commonly known, latch onto anyone who will listen to them. 

So, as soon as you meet an energy vampire, they will tell you all about their life and problems. 

The worst mistake you can make here is acting interested. 

If the energy vampire sees that you will let them dominate the conversation, they will continue to ‘feed’ off you, zapping all your energy in the process.

But it’s worth pointing out that draining people aren’t talking about themselves to brag or show off as some types of narcissists do. 

Instead…

They talk about their problems, which links to the following behavior…

2) Constantly complaining

I bet we can all think of a person who loves to complain.

No matter how beautiful the weather is, how good their life is, and how many blessings they have, they ALWAYS find something to moan about.

Often, what they complain about are minor things – things you don’t consider bad or unacceptable.

However, the more time you spend with this person, the more things you will find to complain about, too. This is one of the biggest dangers of energy vampires – they drag us down to their level.

There are many reasons why people complain so much. 

According to Dutch psychoanalyst Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries, for some people, it is a habit learned from family members. 

Growing up, they might have found that complaining helped to establish rapport with those around them. Over time, this altered the neural pathways in their brain, becoming a personality trait that they are unaware of.

So when a draining person tells you about their problems, it is not because they are seeking advice. 

In fact, if you try to offer help in any way, you will notice how they instantly dismiss it, which brings me to the next typical behavior.

3) Refusing help and advice

Most draining people lack self-awareness. 

They are unaware of how they come across to others and don’t see anything wrong in their behaviors. 

To them, complaining and being negative is normal; it is the communication style they learned from childhood. 

This is why you will never get a positive response if you try to help them solve their problems. 

When you offer advice, a draining person will instantly look for the negative in your proposed solution and, thus, tell you why it would never work.

Or if they don’t pick holes in your advice, they will just ignore it and continue complaining. 

To energy vampires, moaning about things brings them a (unhealthy) sense of comfort. So if you solve their problems, what will they have to complain about?

And if they run low on things to complain about, they will create more, which leads me to my next point…

4) Always seeking drama

Is there someone in your life who always seems to attract drama?

It’s like one thing starts to go right for them, and instantly, another problem arises.

This is not down to bad luck, but rather a case of attracting what they desire.

Energy vampires get bored quickly, so if things are too peaceful, they seek drama.

This becomes an addiction, as being involved in drama makes them feel alive and important.

So, they create drama by starting unnecessary arguments with people. And they smoothly slot themself right into the middle of conflicts between other people. 

People who love drama also tend to have a series of bad relationships. 

If things are going well with someone, they will unconsciously self-sabotage it to create drama. 

It’s easy to spot this type of person – just tell them some ‘gossip’ and watch their eyes light up! 

5) Playing the victim

One thing you will notice about an emotionally draining person is that they are never at fault.

This is because they have a victim mentality. 

Energy vampires are constantly seeking sympathy from others, and what better way to gain sympathy than to make yourself look like the victim?

They use phrases like “Why do bad things always happen to me?” and never take responsibility for their life situation. 

According to licensed therapist Arlin Cuncic MA, past trauma is a common cause of the victim mentality, used as a coping mechanism.

It also suggests that the person feels no control over their life and has a deep sense of hopelessness. 

However, someone who plays the victim can never take responsibility for their mistakes and faults. 

Instead, they will continually pass the blame, often creating elaborate reasons about why it is something or someone else’s fault.

6) Needing constant validation

Another thing that makes people so draining is neediness.

That’s why one typical behavior of energy drainers is always needing attention and validation from others. 

Energy vampires typically have low self-esteem and cannot self-soothe and self-validate. 

So they tend to “latch” onto someone they feel will give them the sympathy and reassurance they need. 

If this person gives them validation, they will become more and more emotionally dependent on them.

This behavior can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Complaining about their perceived flaws in the hope you will reassure them 
• Constantly texting you and getting upset if you take too long to respond
• Regularly asking, “Do you still like me?” or “Are you mad at me?” 

Having someone depend on you emotionally is hugely draining. They will often disrespect your needs and boundaries to get the validation they seek, which brings me to the following behavior…

7) Being demanding

When someone cannot self-validate, they become very demanding.

They always want to be with you, and they expect you to be available whenever they need you – which is a lot!

They have no respect for your needs and boundaries. 

If you tell them you are too busy to hang out, they won’t listen and will keep hassling you until you give in.

This behavior creates an extremely toxic relationship and quickly makes you exhausted.

Eventually, you start to dread spending time with them and feel a sense of dread whenever their name comes up on your phone.

8) Having frequent mood swings 

Another thing you will notice about the behavior of an emotionally draining person is their frequent mood swings.

Their moods change so often, so you never know what version of them you will get.

Plus, even if they seem in a good mood when you start your conversation, this doesn’t mean they will still be happy at the end.

Draining people tend to get angry or upset over every little thing.

It can seem like everything sets them off, so you end up walking on eggshells around them.

You have to be so hypervigilant about what you say or do. As a result, you can never relax, and your nervous system is constantly on high alert.

That’s why extreme tiredness washes over you as soon as you’re alone.

9) Always expecting the worst 

Of course, one of the most draining behavioral traits of an energy vampire is their pessimistic attitude.

Draining people don’t just seek the bad in situations; they are blind to the positive side.

This is a dangerous person to be around because, as research shows, negative moods are contagious. 

And a negative mindset is linked to decreased mental AND physical health.

In his research paper, Dr. Travis Bradberry explains that being around negative people hinders certain brain regions, negatively affecting your intelligence and thinking ability.

Interestingly, separate research studies show that negative thinking can weaken our immune systems, making us more prone to illness.

10) Unable to focus

Finally, you will notice that draining people are all over the place, physically and mentally.

Because their mind is so messy, they cannot focus on things and instead jump from task to task. 

They are constantly distracted. When you’re talking to them, you’ll notice their mind wandering, and they will randomly change the subject.

This is typically due to their unresolved trauma and emotional baggage. 

Final thoughts

Dealing with a draining person can make us physically and emotionally exhausted. It dampens our mood, lowers our energetic vibration, and leaves us unmotivated and pessimistic. 

That’s why it is best to avoid energy vampires altogether. 

Of course, this is not always possible. If you have a draining colleague or family member, you may be unable to cut them out completely.

But… 

You can protect your energy by setting and enforcing firm boundaries. When doing so, don’t be afraid to be assertive, as energy drainers are demanding and lack self-awareness.

The good news is that once an energy vampire realizes they cannot “feed” off you anymore, they will quickly move on to their next victim.