There’s a stark contrast between appearing kind and genuinely being kind.

This contrast is rooted in subtlety. A person might seem kind on the surface, but their true character can be revealed through tiny, often overlooked behaviors.

Being truly kind is about more than just grand gestures or warm words. It’s about small actions that reflect a person’s real intentions.

As someone who values genuine kindness, I’ve noticed certain subtle behaviors that are telltale signs of an insincere person. And let me tell you, spotting these signs can save you a lot of heartache.

Let’s delve into the nine subtle behaviors that suggest a person may not be as kind as they seem.

1) They rarely show empathy

Kindness, at its core, is rooted in empathy.

This is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what drives us to lend a helping hand or offer a shoulder to lean on when someone is going through a tough time.

But when someone lacks this essential trait, it can be a telltale sign that they’re not as kind as they seem.

They might listen to your problems, but their responses are often empty or dismissive. They may even steer the conversation back to themselves, showing little interest in your struggles.

Keep an eye out for how someone reacts when you’re in need of support. Their lack of empathy might just reveal their true colors.

2) They frequently belittle others

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that kindness and respect go hand in hand.

I remember a former colleague of mine who was always quick with a sarcastic comment or a dismissive laugh. At first, it seemed like harmless banter. But as time went on, I realized these were subtle ways of putting others down to elevate himself.

Whenever someone shared an idea or expressed an opinion, he had this knack for making them feel small and insignificant. It was as if he took pleasure in undermining others.

Genuine kindness doesn’t involve belittling or devaluing other people.

So if someone consistently dismisses or devalues the input of others, they might not be as kind as they appear.

3) They’re not gracious in defeat

Being a gracious loser is a hallmark of a kind person. It shows respect for the competition and humility in accepting that one can’t always be the best.

However, some people simply can’t handle losing, even in the most trivial matters. They might throw a fit, make excuses, or even resort to blaming others.

Interestingly, a study by the Journal of Personality found that people who respond negatively to losing often have high levels of narcissism. These individuals tend to lack empathy, which as we discussed earlier, is a key component of kindness.

Watch out for how someone responds to defeat. It can give you a lot of insight into their true character.

4) They’re often insincere

Authenticity is a crucial component of kindness. When someone is genuinely kind, it shines through in their actions and words.

However, some people are masters of putting on a facade. They’ll say what they think you want to hear, not necessarily what they believe or feel. Their compliments might feel forced, their promises empty, and their words hollow.

While it can be challenging to spot insincerity at first, over time it becomes evident. Pay attention to whether their actions align with their words or if they’re quick to break promises.

Remember this: true kindness doesn’t wear a mask.

5) They take more than they give

Kindness often involves a spirit of generosity – it’s about giving without expecting anything in return.

But some people operate on a one-way street. They’re quick to take, whether it’s your time, energy or resources, but slow to reciprocate.

You might find yourself constantly helping them out, but when you’re the one in need, they’re nowhere to be found.

This imbalance doesn’t necessarily mean they’re bad people, but it could indicate a lack of kindness.

So keep an eye on the give-and-take in your relationships. It can reveal a lot about a person’s character.

6) They lack patience

In my heart, I believe patience to be a cornerstone of kindness.

We all have our off days, moments when things don’t go as planned. It’s during these times that patience is tested, and the true nature of a person often shines through.

When someone is impatient, they tend to treat others poorly. They may snap at the waiter for slow service or honk at the driver ahead for taking a moment too long at the green light.

Patience means understanding that we’re all human. That we make mistakes and need time to grow and learn.

If someone consistently lacks patience, it’s a strong sign they may not be as kind as they appear.

7) They don’t respect boundaries

Respecting boundaries is a vital aspect of any healthy relationship. It’s about understanding and acknowledging the personal space and comfort levels of others.

I’ve had experiences where people have overstepped my boundaries, disregarding my feelings and comfort for their own convenience. It was exhausting and left me feeling disrespected.

When someone repeatedly pushes your limits or ignores your wishes, it’s not just inconsiderate. It’s a clear sign that they might not be as kind-hearted as they seem.

Always remember, someone who truly cares about you will respect your boundaries, no questions asked.

8) They don’t listen well

Listening is an act of love and kindness.

Someone who truly cares about you will take the time to listen to what you have to say, even when it’s inconvenient for them. They’ll make an effort to understand your perspective and validate your feelings.

However, if a person often interrupts, dismisses your concerns, or seems disinterested when you’re speaking, they might not be as kind as they seem.

Kindness involves more than just hearing words. It’s about understanding, empathizing and validating the experiences of others.

9) They rarely show gratitude

Gratitude is the heart’s memory of kindness. It’s the simple act of acknowledging and appreciating the good in our lives.

But when someone rarely expresses gratitude or takes things for granted, it can be a sign of a character lacking in kindness.

A truly kind person understands the value of gratitude, and they don’t hesitate to express it, even for the smallest acts of kindness. Remember, someone who doesn’t appreciate the good you do likely won’t reciprocate it either.

Final thoughts: Kindness is a choice

The essence of human behavior lies in the choices we make.

Among all our choices, the decision to be kind might be the most significant. It’s an attribute that transcends cultures, religions, and social statuses, and it’s universally recognized as a virtue.

But here’s something crucial to remember: true kindness is consistent. It’s not reserved for certain people or special occasions. It radiates in all directions, touching everyone in its path.

So if you notice someone displaying these subtle behaviors that suggest a lack of kindness, don’t be quick to judge. We’re all humans navigating through our complexities.

However, it’s essential to protect your peace and well-being. Surround yourself with positivity and genuine kindness, because you deserve nothing less.

As Mark Twain once said, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” So let’s strive to speak this universal language, one act of kindness at a time.