There’s a profound difference between being clever and emotionally intelligent.

Emotional intelligence is about understanding your feelings, being able to control them, and perceiving others’ emotions. It’s not something you can fake or manipulate.

People with high emotional intelligence use specific phrases that reflect their understanding and empathetic nature. These phrases are not used to control or manipulate, but to connect and support.

In this article, I will share the nine phrases that emotionally intelligent people often use. It’s not about using these phrases to appear smart; it’s about genuinely understanding and applying them.

Let’s get started. 

1) “I understand how you feel”

Emotional intelligence is fundamentally about empathy, and showing that you understand someone’s feelings is a powerful way to connect with them.

When someone shares their feelings or experiences, an emotionally intelligent response is “I understand how you feel.” This phrase shows that you’re not just hearing their words, but you’re also understanding their emotions and perspective.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or that you’ve experienced the same thing. It’s about acknowledging their feelings and validating their experiences.

It’s not about using this phrase as a tool to manipulate. It’s about genuinely trying to understand and empathize with the other person’s point of view.

Using this phrase consistently shows a high level of emotional intelligence. But remember, authenticity is key. It’s not enough to say it; you have to mean it.

2) “I’m sorry, I was wrong”

Admitting when you’re wrong can be tough. It requires swallowing your pride and accepting responsibility for your mistakes. But this is a clear sign of emotional intelligence.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that everyone makes mistakes, and they’re not afraid to admit when they’ve made one. Saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong” shows humility, responsibility, and respect for others.

I remember a time when I had made a mistake in a project at work. Instead of blaming others or trying to cover it up, I decided to own up to my mistake. I approached my team and said, “I’m sorry, I was wrong in my calculations, which led to the delay in our project.”

Though it was initially hard to admit, taking responsibility for my mistake ultimately strengthened my relationship with my team. They appreciated my honesty and willingness to admit fault.

Using this phrase is not about manipulating others into seeing you as flawless. Instead, it’s about showing that you’re human, you make mistakes, and you’re willing to learn from them.

3) “Help me understand”

High emotional intelligence often manifests itself in a genuine curiosity about others. “Help me understand” is a phrase that reflects this curiosity and desire to learn more about other people’s experiences and perspectives.

When we say “Help me understand,” we’re not just asking for more information. We’re inviting the other person to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a deeper way.

Did you know that this phrase is often used in conflict resolution? It’s true. Mediators and negotiators use “Help me understand” as a way to get parties to explain their positions more fully, fostering empathy and understanding between them.

Using this phrase isn’t about manipulating the conversation or steering it in a certain direction.

Instead, it’s about creating a safe space for open communication and mutual understanding.

4) “I appreciate your effort”

Recognizing and appreciating the efforts of others is a clear sign of emotional intelligence. People with high emotional intelligence understand the importance of encouragement and positive reinforcement.

When you say “I appreciate your effort,” you’re acknowledging the time, energy, and dedication someone has put into their work or actions. It’s a powerful motivator and can significantly boost morale and productivity.

This phrase isn’t about flattery or manipulation. It’s about genuinely recognizing the value of someone’s contributions and making them feel seen and appreciated.

Whether it’s a colleague who’s put in extra hours on a project, a friend who’s been there for you during tough times, or even a stranger who’s done something kind, don’t hesitate to say “I appreciate your effort.” It’s a small phrase that can have a big impact.

5) “How can I support you?”

Asking “How can I support you?” is a clear indicator of emotional intelligence. This question shows a willingness to help others and an understanding of their needs.

People with high emotional intelligence know that offering support isn’t about imposing their ideas or solutions. Instead, it’s about understanding what the other person needs and wants.

When you ask, “How can I support you?”, you’re empowering the other person to express their needs. You’re not trying to guess what they might want or need; you’re giving them the space to tell you directly.

This phrase is not about pretending to care or manipulating the situation. It’s about genuinely wanting to help and being willing to take action based on the other person’s needs. It shows empathy, respect, and a readiness for positive action.

6) “I’m here for you”

“I’m here for you” – four simple words that can mean the world to someone who’s struggling. It’s a phrase that people with high emotional intelligence often use.

This phrase is more than just a reassurance; it’s a heartfelt promise of support and solidarity. It shows that you’re ready to stand by their side, no matter what they’re going through.

It’s not about trying to fix their problems or offering unsolicited advice. Instead, it’s about letting them know they’re not alone, that they have someone they can lean on.

Saying “I’m here for you” isn’t about manipulation or creating a false sense of security. It’s about showing genuine empathy and offering comfort during difficult times.

When used sincerely, this phrase can help to build trust, foster deeper connections, and provide much-needed emotional support.

7) “I was wrong, can you forgive me?”

Asking for forgiveness is a sign of emotional intelligence. It shows the ability to accept responsibility, show vulnerability, and seek reconciliation.

“I was wrong, can you forgive me?” is a question that takes courage to ask. It’s an acknowledgment of a mistake or misunderstanding, and a request for forgiveness.

There was a time when I hurt a close friend due to my thoughtless words. Instead of justifying myself or avoiding the issue, I confronted the situation head-on. I said, “I was wrong, can you forgive me?” This turned our conflict into a moment of connection and understanding.

This phrase isn’t about manipulating someone into forgiving you. It’s about owning up to your actions, expressing genuine remorse, and working towards making things right.

8) “I value your opinion”

Respecting and valuing the opinions of others is a key trait of emotionally intelligent individuals.

When you say “I value your opinion,” you’re not just acknowledging the other person’s thoughts; you’re showing respect for their perspective. It shows that you consider their views important and worthy of consideration.

This phrase isn’t about agreeing with everything someone says or manipulatively getting them on your side. It’s about creating an open dialogue where different viewpoints are recognized and appreciated.

By saying “I value your opinion,” you’re fostering a sense of mutual respect and understanding, key components in any healthy relationship. Whether it’s a professional discussion or a personal conversation, this phrase can significantly enhance communication and connection.

9) “Thank you”

Never underestimate the power of saying “Thank you.” It’s one of the simplest, yet most profound phrases that reflect high emotional intelligence.

“Thank you” is more than just good manners; it’s a genuine expression of gratitude. It shows appreciation for the efforts and kindness of others, acknowledging their positive impact on your life.

This phrase isn’t about manipulation or insincere flattery. It’s about recognizing and appreciating the value others bring into your life.

Whether it’s for a small favor, a kind gesture, or a significant contribution, don’t forget to say “Thank you.” It’s a small phrase with a big impact.

The core essence: It’s all about empathy

The heart of emotional intelligence lies in empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

The nine phrases we’ve discussed serve as indicators of this ability. However, they’re not mere words to be memorized and repeated. They reflect an underlying attitude of compassion, respect, and understanding towards others.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t use these phrases as tools for manipulation. Instead, they genuinely mean what they say. They understand the power of words and use them to build bridges, not walls.

Emotional intelligence isn’t something you’re born with; it’s a skill that can be developed over time. By using these phrases sincerely and consistently, you’re cultivating empathy and strengthening your emotional intelligence.

Whether it’s saying “I appreciate your effort” or asking “How can I support you?”, each phrase is an opportunity to connect with others on a deeper level.

As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”