Let’s face it, we all have room to improve our communication skills.

We know that communication is key, but sometimes, we unknowingly sabotage it with certain phrases.

As a woman, I’ve noticed there are certain phrases that can unintentionally undermine our ability to communicate effectively. They can make us appear less confident or even dismissive.

So, if you’re a woman looking to improve your communication skills, you need to be aware of these common phrases you should avoid.

Let’s get into it!

1) “I’m sorry, but…”

We all mess up sometimes and saying “I’m sorry” is important when we do.

But using “I’m sorry” as a prefix to a statement or opinion can unwittingly communicate a lack of confidence in what we’re about to say.

Imagine you’re in a meeting and you’re about to share an idea. If you start with “I’m sorry, but…”, it could give the impression that you’re either not sure about your idea or that you’re expecting disagreement.

Remember that your ideas and opinions are valuable. You don’t need to apologize for them.

Starting your sentences with an apology can make you seem less assertive and even dismissive of your own thoughts.

When you find yourself starting a sentence with “I’m sorry, but…”, stop and reconsider: Is an apology necessary?

If not, skip the “I’m sorry” and get straight to the point. You’ll come across as more confident and self-assured.

2) “I guess…”

Once, when I was sharing a proposal with my team, I started with, “I guess we could try implementing a new strategy.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized how uncertain I sounded.

“I guess” is one of those phrases that can subtly undermine our authority and conviction. It’s almost as if we’re seeking validation or approval for our ideas, rather than confidently proposing them.

Looking back, I should have said, “I propose we try implementing a new strategy.” This would have communicated my idea with confidence and assertiveness.

Try replacing “I guess” with phrases like “I propose,” “I suggest,” or simply state your idea outright. It can make a world of difference in how you’re perceived.

3) “It’s just that…”

“It’s just that…” is another phrase that can unintentionally undermine our communication. This phrase often precedes an explanation or a justification and can make us sound defensive or unsure.

For example, “I didn’t finish the report on time, it’s just that I had too many other tasks.”

The phrase “it’s just that…” shifts focus from the issue at hand to your defense, which can come across as unprofessional.

It’s important to take ownership of our actions and communicate directly, so rather than using “it’s just that…”, try stating the situation as it is.

For instance, “I didn’t finish the report on time due to multiple tasks. I’ll prioritize better next time.”

This shows accountability and a willingness to improve.

4) “Does that make sense?”

“Does that make sense?” is a phrase we often use to check if the other person understands what we’re trying to communicate.

While it can be helpful in some situations, overusing it can imply a lack of confidence in your ability to express your thoughts clearly.

When you consistently ask, “Does that make sense?” it can give the impression that you’re unsure about your own communication skills.

This can be counterproductive, especially in professional settings where clear and confident communication is key.

Instead, try using phrases like, “Do you have any questions?” or “Let’s discuss this further.”

These phrases still allow you to check for understanding, but without implying doubt in your own communication skills.

They show that you’re open to dialogue and feedback, which are important for effective communication.

5) “Whatever.”

“Whatever” is a phrase that can come across as dismissive and uninterested, especially when used in a disagreement or heated discussion.

It can make the other person feel undervalued and hinder effective communication.

Instead of using “whatever” to end a discussion or argument, try expressing your feelings or thoughts clearly.

If you need some space to gather your thoughts, you could say, “I need some time to think about this,” or if you disagree with what’s being said, “I see your point, but I have a different perspective.”

Effective communication means understanding and respecting each other’s viewpoints, not shutting down the conversation.

Using respectful and clear language will not only improve your communication skills but also your relationships.

6) “You’re wrong.”

Saying “you’re wrong” can be detrimental to any conversation.

It’s direct, it’s confrontational, and it can make the other person feel defensive, which isn’t conducive to productive communication.

I recall a time when a dear friend shared an opinion that I disagreed with. Instead of telling her she was wrong, which would have instantly put her on the defensive, I chose to say, “I understand why you might feel that way, but I see things differently.”

This opened up a space for us to share our perspectives without attacking each other’s beliefs.

By reframing how we express disagreement, we can foster a more open and understanding conversation. 

7) “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know” is a phrase that I used to use quite frequently. It was my go-to when I felt unsure or overwhelmed.

But I soon realized that this three-word phrase was doing more harm than good.

While it’s perfectly fine to admit when we don’t know something, overusing “I don’t know” can come across as lacking initiative or unwillingness to seek out answers.

Instead of shutting down with “I don’t know,” try saying, “I’m not sure, but I’ll find out,” or “Let me look into that.”

Saying this shows you have a proactive mindset and willingness to learn, which are essential elements in effective communication.

Moreover, it’s a reminder that it’s okay not to have all the answers. What matters is our willingness to seek them out.

8) “I’m fine.”

Believe it or not, the phrase “I’m fine” can sometimes signal a lack of communication skills.

While it might seem like a harmless response, especially when we’re not in the mood to share, it can often be a barrier to genuine conversation.

When we continuously respond with “I’m fine,” particularly when we’re not, we’re missing the opportunity to express our feelings and thoughts.

It’s a way of shutting down communication rather than fostering it.

Next time, instead of resorting to “I’m fine,” try expressing your feelings or thoughts more openly.

Even if you don’t want to go into detail, you could say, “I’ve had better days” or “I’m dealing with something right now.”

9) “It’s nothing.”

“It’s nothing” is another phrase that can undermine effective communication.

Similar to “I’m fine,” it’s often used as a deflection when we don’t want to delve into our feelings or thoughts.

However, using “it’s nothing” can create a barrier in communication.

It prevents others from understanding your perspective or offering support. It also conveys a lack of assertiveness and confidence in expressing your feelings.

Instead, try being more transparent about your feelings or thoughts. For instance, if you’re upset about something, you could say, “I’m feeling a bit upset about this situation.”

10) “Never mind.”

“Never mind” is a phrase that can shut down communication before it even gets a chance to flourish.

It’s often used when we doubt the value of our thoughts or when we fear the reactions of others.

But by saying “never mind,” we deny others the opportunity to understand our perspective, which can hinder our relationships and our personal growth.

The next time you’re tempted to say, “never mind,” take a moment to gather your thoughts and then express them in a clear and assertive way.

Your ideas, feelings, and thoughts are important. Let them be heard.

Final thoughts

When it comes to women and communication, it’s important that we understand that societal conditioning often plays a significant part.

Phrases that might indicate a lack of communication skills can often be a reflection of this conditioning—a tendency to underplay our abilities, to apologize for our ideas, or to shy away from confrontation.

But awareness is the first step towards change.

Recognizing these phrases and understanding their impact can help us make conscious efforts towards improving our communication skills.