Language matters.

You might think it doesn’t – it’s just words, after all – but language is how we make sense of the world; it’s how we write ourselves into the story of our lives.

What you say and how you say it shows a great deal about who you are, and what’s more, your words may even influence your thoughts on a subconscious level.

…which is why it’s extremely important that you speak with great care and in an assertive tone of voice.

Unfortunately, some women still have some work to do in that department – they don’t genuinely know their worth, and this lack of self-esteem manifests in their language.

Here are the 7 phrases a woman who needs to work on her self-worth uses in a conversation.

1) “I’m so, so, so sorry!”

You and I can probably agree on one thing: it’s important to apologize when you’ve done something wrong.

That much is obvious.

However, a woman who doesn’t know her worth takes the art of “I’m sorry” to the extreme – she apologizes all the damn time. Yes, even for things she hasn’t caused.

I once had a friend apologize to me because I bumped my toe against her sofa. The next day, she apologized because she’d forgotten to bring an umbrella with us when we went on a walk and it began to rain – despite the fact I’d forgotten one, too.

It got to the point when I had to grab her by the shoulders (lovingly, may I add) and tell her, “Nat, stop apologizing so much. I mean it.”

Not everything on planet Earth is your fault. When you say “sorry” ten times a day, you’re not only driving other people nuts but you’re also putting yourself down for no reason.

Only apologize when you actually have a reason to. This will help improve your self-worth, not to mention your “sorry” will carry more weight.

2) “I can’t come to your event because of X and Y and Z”

Next up, we have… overexplaining, that is, the art of divulging your private business when no one’s actually asked to hear about it.

I grew up thinking I owed people an explanation every time I said no. If I couldn’t come to the party, I had to have a reason. If I didn’t want to date someone, I had to specifically explain why.

Years later, I read something online that completely blew my mind: “No is enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your life is your business.”

I began to use this technique in my daily life, and lo and behold, it actually worked.

As it turns out, people don’t need to know that your dog has an issue with its paw and that’s why you can’t come to the networking event – they just need to know if you’re going to show up or not.

Women who constantly overexplain themselves feel that their “no” isn’t valid enough unless it is backed by a “legitimate” reason.

But the simple fact you don’t want to go is reason enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

3) “It is what it is – I’ve made my peace with that”

Have you? Have you really?

Or have you decided to settle because you were too scared to go outside your comfort zone and aim for something better?

That is the question.

I’ve seen far too many women say they’ve made their peace with their situation only to witness them complain about it time and time again because they weren’t at peace at all – they were just in self-denial about their real desires.

A woman who knows her worth is determined to go after what she wants. And she won’t settle for less than she deserves.

If she’s dating the wrong person or is stuck in the wrong job position, she will change her life around so that better things can come along. 

She won’t stay rooted in place just because it’s familiar and convenient.

4) “I can’t do it”

You can’t do it YET.

Thus the power of language – one simple word changes the whole narrative.

If a woman keeps telling herself she can’t do something, she may not try hard enough to counteract that idea and therefore might subconsciously fulfill her own prophecy just so that she can convince herself she was right all along.

If she tells herself that anything is possible and that she will try and learn and fail until she gets to her destination, though…

That’s when she actually needs to put in the work.

And if she knows her worth, she will do so – because she knows she’s worth the effort.

5) “It’s nothing, really”

I hate it when a woman receives a compliment and waves it away as if she didn’t agree with it at all.

“Wow, you’ve written a book? That’s so impressive!”

“Oh, it’s nothing, really.”

Except you’ve spent years working on this novel, almost gave up a dozen times, and cried with joy when it got published.

Yeah. It’s definitely something. And you should be proud of yourself.

Women who know their worth accept compliments with grace and confidence. 

They don’t go out of their way to be cocky, of course, but they also don’t put themselves down the moment someone else tries to lift them up.

A simple “Thank you” will do.

6) “I hope that’s okay?”

And what if it’s not? Are you going to change your mind and go against your instincts because someone has decided they’re not okay with your decision?

“I hope that’s okay” is what we say when we want to show the other person we take their feelings into consideration.

Unfortunately, the phrase also serves to undermine our decision because it doesn’t allow us to stand in our power – especially if you say it as if it were a question.

If you’ve made a decision, stand by it. Don’t apologize for it and don’t ask people if they’re okay with something you’re going to go ahead and do anyway.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t be empathetic and kind. But in most cases, “I hope that’s okay” is unnecessary.

7) “Sure, that’s fine”

Except it’s not, and you know it.

Here’s how you can tell a woman doesn’t know her worth: instead of assertively communicating her feelings about the situation at hand, she will shrug her shoulders and say it’s “fine” – even though it’s obviously not.

She doesn’t want to cause a scene, so she keeps quiet about her true opinions on the matter. As a result, she grows resentful and upset, makes passive-aggressive digs, and pouts.

That won’t do.

In order to increase your self-worth, you’ve got to learn how to stand in your power and state what you want. You’ve got to validate your own feelings to the point when you aren’t afraid to voice them out loud.

You deserve to claim your space in the world. Remember that.