Figuring out who you truly are isn’t always about big, life-changing moments.

In fact, it’s often the small, everyday actions that reveal where you are on your journey of self-discovery. 

For women, certain subtle behaviors can be signs that you’re still navigating this process — and that’s perfectly okay.

Growth doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s definitely not a straight path.

These signs aren’t flaws or failures.

They’re gentle nudges that you’re still evolving, learning, and becoming.

The truth is, nobody “has it all figured out,” and recognizing these moments can actually mean that you’re more aware of yourself than you realize.

This guide is to help you see yourself with fresh eyes, offering a little clarity and compassion along the way. 

1) Constant comparison

The journey to self-discovery is unique for every person. It’s a path that should be navigated independently, without constant comparison to the strides and successes of others.

Yet, many women find themselves incessantly measuring their lives against those of others.

Whether it’s career achievements, relationship statuses, or physical appearances, the comparison game is never-ending.

This often indicates a lack of self-confidence and self-identity.

It suggests that a woman is still in the process of figuring out who she really is and what she truly wants from life.

It’s okay to look at others for inspiration but falling into the trap of constant comparison can be detrimental to one’s self-discovery journey.

It’s important to take note that each individual’s journey is unique and incomparable.

So ladies, embrace your uniqueness and stop comparing. It’s time to focus on finding yourself.

2) Seeking external validation

I recall a time in my life when I was overly concerned with the opinions of others.

A period when I would base my decisions and gauge my worth on the feedback and approval of those around me.

Whether it was what to wear, what career path to pursue, or even who to date – I constantly sought external validation.

It was as if I couldn’t trust my own judgement, I felt a constant need for endorsement from others to feel secure in my choices.

Looking back now, I realize that this was a clear sign that I hadn’t truly found myself yet.

I was still figuring out who I was and hadn’t built up the self-confidence to trust my own instincts.

When a woman is constantly seeking external validation, it’s often because she’s not entirely sure of who she is. She’s still learning to trust her own judgement and develop her own sense of self-worth.

It’s not wrong to seek advice or opinions, but it becomes an issue when you can’t make a decision without someone else’s approval.

The journey to self-discovery involves learning to trust yourself and knowing that your choices and feelings are valid, without needing anyone else’s stamp of approval.

3) Fear of solitude

Often, we’re so used to being surrounded by noise and people that silence and solitude seem intimidating.

A packed schedule, a buzzing phone, a constant stream of social engagements – it’s as if being alone with our thoughts is something to be avoided at all costs.

But, the truth is that fear of solitude can indicate a lack of self-understanding.

If you’re not comfortable spending time alone, it might be because you haven’t fully come to terms with who you are.

Solitude provides the perfect space to reflect and connect with your inner self without distractions.

If the thought of being alone scares you, it might be an indication that you’re still on your journey to self-discovery. 

Spending time alone isn’t about feeling lonely–it’s about getting to know yourself better.

Sometimes, the best company you can have is yourself.

4) Living on autopilot

Ever find yourself going through the motions of life without actually experiencing it? You’re not alone.

Many of us live our lives on autopilot, barely present in the here and now, constantly consumed by past regrets or future worries.

This lack of mindfulness can often mean that you’re not fully connected with your true self.

When you’re not present in the moment, you miss out on important self-revelations that occur during day-to-day experiences.

In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I discuss how mindfulness can help you break free from this automatic pilot mode, and truly live in the present moment.

This practice not only enhances your overall quality of life but also propels you forward on your journey to self-discovery.

By practicing mindfulness, you get in touch with your thoughts and feelings without judgement.

Presence of mind helps you understand yourself better and brings clarity about who you truly are. 

5) Perfectionism

Perfectionism might seem like a desirable trait.

After all, isn’t it good to strive for the best in everything you do? Well, not always.

Ironically, the constant pursuit of perfection can actually indicate a lack of self-understanding.

You see, when you’re trying to be perfect, you’re essentially trying to meet an external standard or ideal – an ideal that’s often set by society or someone else’s expectations, not your own understanding of yourself.

Perfectionism can cause you to lose sight of who you are and what truly matters to you.

It can make you ignore your unique quirks and idiosyncrasies – the things that make you, you.

In the quest for perfection, we often suppress our true selves and hence hinder our process of self-discovery. 

It’s okay not to be perfect. Embrace your imperfections.

They’re a part of who you are and they’re what make you unique.

6) Ignoring intuition

Intuition can be a powerful tool in our journey to self-discovery.

It’s that little voice inside us that guides us when logic and reasoning fall short.

However, many women tend to ignore their intuition, often doubting or second-guessing themselves.

This can indicate a disconnect from their inner selves.

Quite often, this reluctance to listen to one’s intuition stems from a lack of self-confidence or fear of making mistakes.

But remember, intuition is your subconscious mind communicating with you, it’s a reflection of what you really want and who you truly are.

Trusting your intuition is a crucial step towards self-discovery and understanding your true self.

7) Habitual people-pleasing

There was a time when I found it hard to say no, even when I really wanted to.

Whether it was taking on extra work or agreeing to social plans I wasn’t keen on, I was constantly trying to please others at the expense of my own happiness.

This habitual people-pleasing is common for many women when they’re yet to truly find themselves.

It often stems from a fear of rejection or a need for approval and acceptance.

But here’s the thing: you can’t please everyone.

And in the process of trying to do so, you often end up sidelining your own needs and desires.

This can hinder your self-discovery journey and keep you from understanding what truly makes you happy.

So, if you find yourself constantly bending over backwards to make others happy, it may be time to start focusing more on pleasing yourself.

8) Avoidance of self-reflection

Self-reflection is an essential part of the journey towards self-discovery.

It’s during these moments of introspection that we truly get to know ourselves – our desires, dreams, values, and beliefs.

However, many women avoid self-reflection.

It can be uncomfortable to confront our shortcomings, mistakes, or any negative aspects of our personalities.

But avoiding these truths won’t make them disappear, it only keeps us from growing and learning.

If you find yourself avoiding quiet moments of introspection, it’s likely that you’re still on your journey to finding yourself. 

Self-reflection isn’t about beating yourself up over past mistakes or flaws.

It’s about understanding yourself better, acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, and using this knowledge to shape your future.

Embrace self-reflection. It’s through understanding ourselves that we truly begin to find who we are.

9) Lack of boundaries

The establishment of personal boundaries is a powerful indicator of self-understanding.

Personal boundaries are the mental, emotional, and physical walls we create to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others.

They are a clear reflection of our self-esteem and self-respect.

However, many women struggle to set and maintain these boundaries.

They often allow others to infringe on their personal space or overstep their limits, usually out of fear of conflict or rejection.

Setting boundaries requires courage and self-awareness.

It means knowing your worth, understanding what you are comfortable with, and having the confidence to enforce these limits with others.

If you find yourself constantly compromising on your boundaries, it’s time to take a step back and reassess.

Setting boundaries isn’t about being harsh or selfish.

It’s about respecting and taking care of yourself.

Final thoughts: Embrace the journey

Every woman’s journey towards self-discovery is unique, filled with its own highs and lows, triumphs and setbacks.

The subtle behaviors mentioned in this article are not flaws or weaknesses.

They’re simply signs that you’re still on this beautiful path of self-exploration and understanding.

Along this journey, you might find that practicing mindfulness can be incredibly beneficial.

In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I delve into the transformative power of mindfulness and how it can enhance your self-discovery journey.

Self-discovery isn’t about rushing to find all the answers.

It’s about embracing the process, learning from each experience, and growing along the way.

So take your time. Celebrate your progress.

Be patient with yourself. And most importantly, enjoy the journey to finding your true self.