If a person uses these 10 phrases in a conversation, they’re subtly manipulating you

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | January 15, 2025, 3:44 am

Ever had a chat that left you feeling weird, but you couldn’t figure out why?

It might be because you were subtly manipulated without even realizing it.

Manipulation isn’t always easy to spot. In fact, some people are so sneaky, they can do it right under your nose.

In this article, we’re going to expose 10 phrases that could be used to subtly control a conversation.

When you hear these phrases, it could be a sign that someone’s trying to manipulate you.

1. “Don’t you trust me?”

This phrase is a classic go-to for manipulators. They use it to make you feel guilty or question your own judgment. It’s a clever way of shifting the focus from what they’re doing to your trust in them.

If you hear this, take a moment to consider why they’re asking it. Is it because they’re doing something they know you might not agree with? Remember, trust is earned through actions, not words.

2. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…”

This phrase is often used by manipulators to share negative information or criticism under the guise of being helpful or concerned. It’s a way for them to appear like they’re looking out for you, while potentially sowing seeds of doubt or insecurity.

If someone repeatedly uses this phrase, take note. Are they really trying to help you, or are they just trying to manipulate your perception of a situation or person?

3. “You’re misunderstanding me”

This phrase is a subtle way of making you question your own understanding or perception. It’s a manipulator’s way of avoiding responsibility for what they’ve said or done.

I remember a time when I was discussing a work project with a colleague. Whenever I brought up concerns about the direction we were taking, he would say, “You’re misunderstanding me,” even though his instructions were clear. This was his way of making me second guess my own perspective and steering the project in the direction he wanted.

So if you hear this phrase often, stop and ask yourself: Are you really misunderstanding them or are they just trying to control the narrative?

4. “Everyone else agrees with me”

This phrase is a classic manipulation tactic known as “bandwagoning”. The manipulator tries to convince you to go along with their view by suggesting that everyone else already has.

Here’s a fascinating fact: Psychological studies have shown that we’re more likely to change our opinions if we believe we’re in the minority. It’s a phenomenon known as “social proof” and manipulators are well aware of its power.

So next time you hear this phrase, take a step back. Are their views really popular, or are they trying to sway you by making you feel left out?

5. “I don’t want to hurt you”

This phrase can tug at your heartstrings. It’s often used by manipulators to make it seem like they’re considering your feelings, even when their actions suggest otherwise.

It’s disheartening when someone uses this phrase as a shield while their actions cause us pain or discomfort. It’s like a friend who repeatedly cancels plans at the last minute saying, “I don’t want to hurt you,” but continues the same behavior. They’re using comforting words, but their actions are causing the actual hurt.

So remember, actions speak louder than words. If someone truly doesn’t want to hurt you, their actions will show it. Don’t be swayed by empty words used to mask behavior that tells a different story.

6. “It’s for your own good”

This phrase is often used by manipulators to justify actions or decisions that you may not agree with. They present their viewpoint as the best thing for you, even if it’s not what you want.

I remember when an old boss of mine would assign me tasks that were beyond my job description. Anytime I questioned it, he would say, “It’s for your own good. You’ll learn more this way.” While it may have been partly true, it also felt like he was using this phrase to get me to do extra work without any additional compensation or recognition.

So, if you hear this phrase, be alert. Is it really for your benefit, or is someone using it to further their own agenda?

7. “You’re too sensitive”

This phrase is a low blow. Manipulators use it to make you feel like you’re overreacting or being unreasonable. It’s a way to invalidate your feelings and make their actions seem acceptable.

Let’s get real for a minute. If someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, it’s often because they don’t want to acknowledge the impact of their actions or words. It’s not about you being too sensitive, it’s about them not wanting to take responsibility.

So next time someone tells you this, hold your ground. Your feelings are valid, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

8. “You’re overreacting”

This phrase is another way manipulators try to invalidate your feelings or concerns. By telling you that you’re overreacting, they’re implying that your response is unwarranted and that the problem lies with you, not them.

Here’s an interesting fact: The term for this behavior is ‘gaslighting’. It’s a psychological manipulation technique where the manipulator tries to make you doubt your own reality or sanity. The term comes from a 1938 play (and later a movie) called “Gas Light,” where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

So, if someone tells you that you’re overreacting, take a step back and consider whether they might be trying to gaslight you. Your reactions are your own, and no one else gets to decide if they’re valid or not.

9. “I was just joking”

This phrase is often used by manipulators to downplay hurtful or inappropriate comments. By saying it was “just a joke,” they’re attempting to shift the blame onto you for not finding their comment funny.

I recall a time when a friend made a disparaging remark about my appearance. When I expressed that I was hurt, she quickly brushed it off saying, “I was just joking.” This was her way of avoiding responsibility for her words and making me feel like I was in the wrong for being upset.

Remember, humor should never be at the expense of someone else’s feelings. If someone uses this phrase after hurting you, know that it’s not your fault for not finding it funny. It’s on them for making an inappropriate joke.

10. “If you really cared about me…”

Now this one really hits below the belt. Manipulators use this phrase to guilt you into doing something by questioning your feelings for them.

Let’s cut to the chase. Using your emotions as a bargaining chip is not cool. It’s manipulative and hurtful. If someone truly cares about you, they won’t make you prove it by complying with their demands. Your feelings are not up for negotiation.

Remember, being aware of these phrases is the first step in dealing with manipulation. Don’t let anyone use them to control or influence you. Stand your ground and protect your peace.