It’s no secret that some people can be emotionally exhausting to be around.

But how do you identify these individuals? It’s not as if they come with a label.

Well, it’s all in the behavior. Emotionally draining people often exhibit certain tendencies that leave others feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

In this article, we’ll uncover 10 behaviors that are typically demonstrated by those who tend to drain the emotional energy out of a room. 

Let’s dive in.

1) They’re constantly negative

We all have our off days, but for some, negativity seems to be their default setting.

If you’re around someone who constantly sees the glass as half empty, it can really start to take a toll on your own emotional state.

This person may always be complaining, criticizing, or simply spreading doom and gloom. They can’t seem to find the silver lining in any situation, and they have a knack for bringing everyone else down with them.

This consistent negativity is a key sign of an emotionally draining individual. Being around such a person can pull you into their whirl of pessimism, leaving you feeling emotionally depleted and stressed out.

2) They’re excessively needy

We all need support from time to time, but there’s a difference between reaching out for help and being overly dependent on others.

Take my friend, let’s call her Jane. Jane was a type of person who would constantly lean on others for emotional support. She would call me multiple times a day, often about trivial matters, not considering if I was busy or not.

Jane expected me to drop everything to listen to her. And if I couldn’t, she would accuse me of not valuing our friendship. This constant need for attention and support was emotionally draining.

Over time, I realized that this behavior was taking a toll on my own emotional health. Eventually, I had to establish boundaries with Jane, limiting our conversations to specific times when I could mentally prepare myself to deal with her issues.

3) They’re always the victim

Life throws curveballs at everyone, but some people seem to have a perpetual cloud of misfortune hovering over them. Or at least that’s what they’d like you to believe.

These individuals always position themselves as the victim, no matter the situation. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead blame others or external circumstances for their problems.

Interestingly, research has found a link between chronic victimhood and certain personality disorders. This doesn’t mean that everyone who plays the victim has a disorder, but it’s a behavior often seen in those with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder.

Being around someone who’s always playing the victim can be emotionally draining because it often involves constant drama and negativity.

4) They’re manipulative

Manipulative individuals have a knack for twisting situations to their advantage. They know how to pull the strings to get what they want, often at the expense of others.

This manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping and gaslighting to using flattery as a means of control. These individuals often use emotional blackmail to make you feel bad about not doing what they want.

Being around a manipulative person can be very draining because it creates a cloud of distrust and unease. You may find yourself constantly questioning their motives, which can be exhausting and stressful.

5) They’re energy vampires

Ever met someone who leaves you feeling exhausted after every interaction? You might be dealing with an energy vampire.

Energy vampires are people who seem to suck the life out of those around them. They demand attention and emotional investment, but rarely reciprocate. Interactions with them often feel one-sided and draining.

You might find yourself feeling tired, irritable, or down after spending time with them. This is because they’re sapping your emotional energy, leaving you feeling depleted.

Understanding the concept of energy vampires can help you identify and manage these emotionally draining individuals in your life. It’s important to guard your emotional resources and ensure that your interactions are mutually beneficial and energizing, not just one-way streets of emotional drainage.

6) They are constantly critical

Criticism can be constructive, but when it’s constant and unrelenting, it can be emotionally exhausting.

Imagine being around someone who constantly points out your flaws, mistakes and shortcomings. It feels like you can never do anything right in their eyes. This harsh judgment isn’t just directed at you but at everyone and everything around them.

Such relentless criticism can erode your self-esteem and make you doubt your worth. It’s like being under a microscope all the time, with every move scrutinized and judged.

It’s crucial to surround yourself with those who uplift you, not bring you down. Recognize this behavior for what it is – an emotionally draining trait – and consider how to distance yourself from such negativity to protect your emotional well-being.

7) They’re bad listeners

Communication is a two-way street, and listening is as crucial as speaking. But some people just don’t get this.

I recall a time when I was dealing with a personal crisis. A close relative had fallen seriously ill, and I was emotionally distraught. I turned to a friend hoping for a listening ear.

But instead of providing comfort or even just quietly listening, they quickly turned the conversation towards their own problems. My worries and fears were left unaddressed, and I felt unheard and dismissed.

This lack of empathy and inability to listen can be incredibly draining. When you’re around someone who consistently diverts the conversation to themselves or their experiences, it can leave you feeling unimportant and emotionally depleted.

8) They always seem happy

At first glance, this might seem like a positive trait. After all, who wouldn’t want to be around a cheerful person? However, there’s a difference between genuine happiness and a facade of constant cheerfulness.

People who are always upbeat, no matter the situation, can sometimes be emotionally draining to be around. This is because their relentless positivity can feel forced or inauthentic. It can also be a form of emotional avoidance, where they ignore or dismiss negative feelings instead of addressing them.

This isn’t to say that being positive is bad. But when positivity becomes a mask that hides real emotions or problems, it can create an emotionally exhausting dynamic.

9) They’re overly defensive

It’s natural to defend ourselves when we feel attacked or misunderstood. But some people take defensiveness to a whole new level.

These are the individuals who can’t take any form of criticism or feedback, no matter how gently it’s delivered. They see every comment or suggestion as a personal attack, often responding with anger or hostility.

Being around someone who’s constantly on the defensive can be emotionally draining. It hampers open and honest communication and creates a tense atmosphere where you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Identifying this behavior allows you to approach conversations with these individuals in a more mindful way, reducing potential tension and protecting your emotional wellbeing.

10) They don’t respect boundaries

Respecting boundaries is fundamental in any healthy relationship. However, emotionally draining individuals often have a hard time understanding this.

They may constantly intrude on your personal space, demand your time and attention without consideration, or dismiss your feelings and needs. They disregard your right to privacy, emotional peace, and personal autonomy.

This blatant disrespect for boundaries can leave you feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. It’s essential to recognize this behavior and assertively communicate your boundaries to protect your emotional health.

In reflection: It’s about balance

Maintaining our emotional health is paramount, and that often means recognizing and dealing with emotionally draining individuals in our lives.

Believe it or not, psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

This suggests that dealing with emotionally draining people might also offer us an opportunity for personal growth.

Perhaps it’s about finding a balance – learning how to protect our emotional energy while also using these experiences as a mirror to reflect on our own behaviors and emotional responses.

Navigating relationships with emotionally draining individuals is challenging, no doubt. But by recognizing these behaviors, we can make informed decisions about how to interact with such individuals while safeguarding our own emotional wellbeing.