We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of a conversation and something just feels off. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but it’s as if the person you’re talking to has ulterior motives.

Well, as a relationship expert and founder of Love Connection blog, I’ve seen it all. And I can tell you, sometimes, it’s not just your gut feeling. If a man is using certain subtle phrases in a conversation, he might be more calculating and manipulative than you think.

Manipulation is all about control and deception. It’s a sneaky way to convince someone to think or act in a certain way without their knowledge of the true intentions behind it.

But don’t worry, I’ve got your back. In this article, we’ll uncover some of these subtle phrases that reveal manipulative tendencies. These are phrases that ring alarm bells for those with a keen ear and an understanding of the dynamics at play.

Stay tuned as we delve into the world of manipulative conversations and arm ourselves with the knowledge to spot them.

1) “I’m only saying this because I care”

We’ve all heard this one before. It’s a phrase that’s often used as a preface to criticism, guilt-tripping, or even downright manipulation.

Men who are manipulative and calculating will often use this phrase to mask their true intentions. They’ll make it seem as if they’re coming from a place of concern and care when in reality, they’re trying to control the narrative or influence your decisions.

When a man says “I’m only saying this because I care”, pay close attention. What follows might not be as well-intentioned as it seems.

It is important to remember that genuine concern and care don’t require manipulation or hidden agendas. True care listens, supports, and respects your autonomy.

So if you hear this phrase often, take a step back. Is it truly out of care or is there an underlying motive at play? Always trust your instincts, they’re usually right on the money.

2) “I totally understand where you’re coming from”

Now, this one might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t understanding and empathy a good thing?

In a healthy relationship, absolutely. But in the hands of a manipulative person, it can be a subtle tool of control.

When a man constantly says “I totally understand where you’re coming from” but then proceeds to disregard your feelings or dismiss your concerns, it’s manipulation in disguise.

The phrase is used to create a false sense of understanding and empathy. It’s meant to make you feel heard and validated, while in reality, it’s just a precursor to undermining your point of view or steering the conversation in their favor.

So be wary if this phrase is often followed by a ‘but’ or an opposing viewpoint that undermines your feelings or perspective. Understanding should lead to respect and consideration, not dismissal or control.

3) “You’re overthinking things”

Here’s one that I’ve personally come across time and again in my work as a relationship expert – “You’re overthinking things”.

This phrase can be a red flag indicating manipulation. Why? Because it’s often used to belittle your feelings or thoughts, making you doubt your own judgment. This is a classic tactic used by manipulative individuals to maintain control and power in a relationship.

If you’re constantly being told that you’re overthinking or that your worries are unfounded, it might be an attempt to dismiss your feelings and keep you in a state of self-doubt.

In my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship”, I delve deeper into how such subtle phrases can create an unhealthy power dynamic in relationships and provide strategies to break free from this cycle.

Remember, your feelings are valid and important. Don’t let anyone make you second-guess them or undermine their significance.

4) “Can’t you take a joke?”

This phrase is a classic. It’s often used by manipulative individuals as a way to deflect responsibility and make light of hurtful or inappropriate comments.

When a man says “Can’t you take a joke?” after saying something offensive or hurtful, it’s essentially a way of shifting the blame onto you. Instead of taking responsibility for his words, he’s making it seem as if you’re the one with the problem of being too sensitive or not having a sense of humor.

I’ve come across this numerous times in my work, and it’s always a red flag. It’s a form of gaslighting, making you question your own feelings and perceptions.

Maya Angelou once wisely said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If someone repeatedly hurts you and then hides behind humor, believe them – they’re showing you their true colors.

It’s essential to remember that respect is fundamental in any conversation or relationship. A joke at the expense of someone else’s feelings is never just a joke. It’s disrespect dressed up as humor.

5) “I didn’t mean it like that”

This is another phrase that’s a common player in the manipulator’s playbook. “I didn’t mean it like that” is often used as a quick escape route when they’ve been called out on their behavior or words.

When a man uses this phrase, he’s trying to deflect the criticism and turn the situation around, making it seem like you’re the one misunderstanding or overreacting.

In my own experience, I’ve seen this tactic used to avoid accountability. It creates a dynamic where the other person is constantly on the defensive, questioning their own understanding and perceptions.

It’s important to trust your instincts in these scenarios. If something feels off, it probably is. You have every right to express how you feel and to expect acknowledgment and respect from the other person.

In relationships, clarity and sincerity are key. If a phrase or comment hurt you, it doesn’t matter how they meant it – what matters is how it made you feel.

6) “Isn’t it always like this?”

This phrase is often used by manipulators as a way to normalize unhealthy behavior or situations. When a man says “Isn’t it always like this?” he’s attempting to make you believe that this is the standard – that conflict, disrespect, or any other negative behaviors are just part and parcel of every relationship.

In my experience, this is a major red flag. It’s a way of downplaying your concerns and making you feel unreasonable for expecting better.

Famed psychologist Carl Jung once said, “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” Actions speak louder than words, and if his actions are causing you discomfort, don’t let such phrases sway you into accepting less than you deserve.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but constant conflict, disrespect, or other negative behaviors are not normal. You have the right to expect love, respect, and kindness in your relationships.

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7) “If you really loved me…”

This one cuts deep. It’s a phrase that’s often used to emotionally blackmail or guilt someone into doing something they’re not comfortable with.

When a man resorts to “If you really loved me…”, he’s essentially questioning your love and commitment as a means to get his way. This is manipulation at its most raw and painful.

If you’re faced with this phrase, it’s important to remember that love is not a bargaining chip. It should not be used as a tool to manipulate or control someone else’s actions. Love is about respect, understanding, and mutual consent.

Real love respects boundaries, values your comfort, and never demands proof through compliance. Don’t let anyone use your love as a weapon against you. Stand firm in your boundaries and know that true love never manipulates or coerces.

The final takeaway

Manipulation is a complex web of behaviors and words, often so subtle that it’s easy to overlook, especially when it’s coming from someone you care about.

Through our exploration of these subtle phrases, we’ve shed light on some of the covert tactics used by manipulative individuals. The goal isn’t to breed mistrust or paranoia but to equip you with the knowledge and awareness to protect yourself and maintain healthy boundaries.

In relationships, it’s vital to trust your instincts and understand that it’s okay to question things that don’t sit right with you. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” You have control over your life and decisions. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

Moving forward, I’d like to share a video that dives deeper into this topic. Justin Brown provides valuable insights that I believe will help further unpack what we’ve discussed in this article.

Understanding manipulation in all its forms is a continuous journey. But remember, at the end of the day, you deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love in your relationships. Don’t settle for less.