If a man lacks self-esteem, he’ll usually display these 12 subtle behaviors

Lucas Graham by Lucas Graham | October 9, 2024, 9:51 pm

Self-esteem can be defined as a person’s evaluation of their worth. In other words, self-esteem is your opinion of yourself.

Men with low self-esteem who lack confidence sometimes behave in ways that reveal their insecurities without even realizing they’re doing it.

Becoming familiar with these behaviors can prove very useful, not just for men but for women as well. 

Here are subtle behaviors men use if they have low self-esteem.

1) Negative comparisons

Many men are very critical of themselves and blow their imagined shortcomings out of proportion, especially when comparing themselves to other guys

They tend to emphasize the negative aspects of their lives rather than the positive ones. 

Not surprisingly, this tendency often results in feelings of inadequacy and plummeting self-esteem

2) He avoids eye contact

Many men with low self-esteem have a hard time maintaining eye contact.

It’s not like they’re shady, it’s that social interactions make them uncomfortable or anxious. These guys are worried that others will judge them or find fault somehow.

This is a challenge many humans grapple with, but in men who lack self-confidence, it’s one of the first clues that a man has low self-esteem. 

3) Mental health challenges

Suffering from anxiety and depression is enough to make any guy develop an inferiority complex. 

Mental health disorders might make you feel small and diminished, even if others don’t perceive you that way. 

The root causes of low self-esteem can be related to mental or physical abuse, neglect, lack of validation, or feeling unwanted during childhood. 

Traumatic events during your youth leaves mental and physical scars that haunt you through adulthood and influence your self-image.

Therapy is a worthwhile tool for managing your mental health and learning techniques to break free from childhood trauma.

4) He’s defensive

A man who’s defensive bristles at feeling overexposed and vulnerable, so any criticism is met with vehement denial and even anger.

When you confront a defensive guy about something they did, they’ll tell you that’s just who they are, and if you don’t like it, that’s tough. 

He’ll sulk, and act passive-aggressive, making himself and everyone around him miserable. 

When a man with low self-esteem is criticized for their actions, he’ll either deny it, try to gaslight you into thinking it never happened, or turn it into a joke.  

He tends to blame his flaws on others, and feels like other people are out to get him when they question or criticize him, or point out his flaws and mistakes.

Nobody likes being in the hot seat, but a guy with low self-esteem might resort to withdrawing from others or deliberately picking fights. Most use it as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling bad about themselves.

It’s never effective in the long run.

5) He’s possessive

A man lacking self-confidence is crazy-possessive of anything and everything he claims ownership of, from romantic partners and friends, to his car and other possessions. 

This behavior results from his belief that he isn’t worth anything, and that others simply can’t and don’t actually love and appreciate him for his real self.

Because of his low self-esteem, this man simply can’t fathom that his friends really do like him, as does his romantic partner. 

They must be crazy, or at best are just trying to be kind to the unlovable mess before them.

He doesn’t believe they’ll stick by him because deep down he doesn’t think he’s deserving of loyalty and real love.

6) Craves outside validation 

Men who constantly look for acceptance and validation from others also lack self-assurance. 

These guys don’t have enough faith in themselves to trust their own judgment and need constant reassurance from others to feel validated.

7) He’s a braggart

At first glance, a show-off is perceived as someone who’s inordinately proud of what they’ve done and has confidence in their ability to wow people.

But truly confident people don’t bother with showboating. The idea of having to entertain others like a performing seal is not only exhausting but abhorrent to a man with self-respect

A guy with poor self-esteem is compelled to prove himself and will endlessly brag and toot their own horn whenever given a chance.

7) He seeks validation outside himself

An insecure man finds his worth in his job title, bank balance, romantic pursuits, outward appearance, or other external factors. 

The problem is that these superficial trifles can’t fill our need for real fulfillment. A man lacking self-esteem may require constant external validation to feel worthy. 

When men learn to love and accept themselves, they can begin to accept and find value in the unique individual they truly are rather than a role they’ve felt forced to play.

8) Inferiority complex 

A man with an inferiority complex doesn’t believe anyone could fall truly in love with him. Because he lacks self-confidence, he believes he’s a mate-repellent, forever destined to be alone.

If you’re dating an insecure man, his inferiority complex may compel him to unfavorably compare you to others and make you feel like absolute garbage, even though you do your best to make him feel valued. 

He’ll avoid social settings because it’s likely he’ll end up feeling inferior to others, especially other men.

9) Alpha Male complex 

Even though an insecure man usually has an inferiority complex, he still doesn’t want to be perceived as overly emotional, so he projects an air of a dude who has it all together.

Cool as a cucumber. Or so he wants you to think, anyway.

And when a guy who lacks self-esteem actually does show a vulnerable emotion like sadness or regret, he tries to hide behind a facade of anger.

A man with low self-esteem is quite concerned about being perceived as anything but “manly.” Back in the day, we used to call these guys “macho.” 

This is a dude who wouldn’t be caught dead in a pink shirt.

10) He neglects his health 

Having low self-esteem can cause people to neglect their health and not take care of themselves. 

A lousy self-image can also manifest as chaotic and messy surroundings.

It makes perfect sense. If you have no sense of self-worth, why would you bother trying to take care of yourself and tending to your health?

11) He’s insecure

Pretty much everything an insecure man does makes him feel guilty and bad about himself.

He suffers emotionally and immensely, is prone to self-pity, and doesn’t comprehend how his behaviors affect those around him. 

He’s forever apologizing because he doesn’t believe he deserves better. He’s very hard on himself and never feels like he’s good enough. 

12) He berates others 

A guy who lacks self-esteem is a person who feels inferior and needs to constantly prove that he’s worthy. 

Maybe he (erroneously) thinks that other people will recognize his awesomeness if he treats them like pond scum. 

Go figure.

Clearly, this is toxic behavior and causes people to feel uncomfortable, weirded out, or even angry. 

An insecure man generally struts around with a giant chip on his shoulder that he’s always trying to share with others. 

Final thoughts

How a man who lacks self-confidence interacts with the world around him is a mirror of the turmoil he’s experiencing internally.

Providing kindness, love, and validation might prevent a man with low self-esteem from downward spiraling faster, but don’t be fooled into thinking you can single-handedly save him. 

If this man is your partner, be advised he will have to do the necessary work to save himself.

What you can do is suggest he speak with a therapist and practice a little self-reflection so he’ll eventually see that he really is enough.