Lonely men are a universal demographic. 

They could be our brothers, our fathers, our cousins, our childhood friends, or colleagues. 

You never know. 

Enjoying solitude is one thing, but when you’re alone for prolonged periods, this can regress into chronic loneliness–the kind that overwhelms and cripples you. 

No man is an island. Life can be tough; nobody should have to go at it alone. 

We all need a few people in our lives to support us and cheer us on through the highs and lows of existence. 

So if you have a man in your life who you suspect to be lonely, reaching out can go a long way. 

But first, you need to know the signs. 

In this article, I’ll walk you through some of the more common traits of a lonely man.

If these things sound familiar, you can start moving accordingly. 

Let’s get to it!

1) He withdraws from social situations

It may sound counterintuitive, but lonely men will often avoid social gatherings. 

This is because they’ve become both numb and used to their solitary way of going about life; they’ve become used to their isolated routine. 

Although the latter may indeed be lonely, it is still technically speaking, comfortable. 

The lonely man often gets so accustomed to solitude that everything else, like social interactions, may seem like a chore. 

Their loneliness is deeply ingrained and clinging to the status quo is an unhealthy coping mechanism. 

Hence, lonely men will sometimes seem disinterested in participating in group activities. 

In their heads, it’s simply just a bit too much work.

2) He uses social media and the internet obsessively

From Reddit to online gaming to anonymous chat forums and live streams, the internet is absolutely saturated with lonely men the world over. 

Although digital interactions are better than none, objectively speaking, they don’t quite provide the same warmth, connection, and fulfillment as meeting humans face-to-face. 

Lonely men almost by default may be overreliant on the internet and digital relationships rather than real-world ones; which when done to excess, can have some pretty detrimental effects. 

Years ago, when my brother moved to a frigid and sparsely populated town in Canada for work, he became incredibly morose and lonely. 

But instead of actively trying to make friends, say by going to a bar or pursuing community activities, after work, he’d almost automatically retreat to his room and get online, staying connected for hours and hours with no breaks. 

He became a virtual (pun intended) hermit. 

The internet was his escape from what he perceived to be an extremely empty lifestyle.  He became heavily reliant on his online relationships as his way of getting by. 

He didn’t realize it at the time–but months later, he admitted to being depressed and lonely and in a rut. 

3) He’ll overwork 

Everyone has a different way of managing their feelings–and for some, this means they’ll immerse themselves in work. 

When I broke up with my ex, I was incredibly lonely for a period. 

So to put up with the despair, I’d overwork. 

For me, it was distracting; it took my mind off the pain, brushing it aside for a few hours a day. 

Rather than aspire towards finding closure, I’d just work to oblivion, thinking that somehow it would heal my wounds. 

Sure enough, I began to realize that I essentially had no proper meaningful relationships in my life. 

Yes, I’d go to the bar with a few colleagues on Friday afternoons after clocking out. 

But these were superficial friendships; we’d mostly rant about the office or make glorified small talk.  

They weren’t the outlet I needed to get my mind off my personal life–and neither was overwork. 

4) He has a lack of close relationships 

Speaking of superficial friendships, lonely men also tend to have few truly fulfilling bonds, if any. 

As established in the previous point, my colleagues and I didn’t often go deep during our excursions; we weren’t exactly open and forthcoming about our innermost feelings, emotions, and fears. 

We were mainly just bitching about our supervisors, or debating who was better, Lebron or Michael Jordan. 

Some men are too stern and too fearful to realize that being capable of vulnerability with others is key to their well-being–and emotional growth. 

But we don’t often admit that to ourselves. 

So rather than open up to family members or friends, the interactions of lonely men will remain mostly surface level–and those tender feelings stay bottled up indefinitely. 

5) His communication patterns are noticeably different 

All men are different and thus have different ways of expressing their inherent loneliness. 

I know guys who can become needy and overbearing when they’re feeling lonely, over-texting anyone they deem willing to talk and anxiously waiting for a response–behavior that can often turn the other party off. 

Meanwhile, I know other guys, like my brother, who will sort of shut down, become reclusive, and barely communicate, offering dead-end, monosyllabic responses when spoken to. 

Both communication styles or lack thereof, indicate an imbalance in social interactions–and both can equally represent underlying feelings of loneliness. 

6) He becomes cynical about relationships 

A lot of men pride themselves on being self-sufficient–on not needing anyone to get through the rigors of life. 

While, yes, technically speaking you can survive on your own, it is not a recommended practice. 

Sometimes, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, loneliness can manifest as cynicism and bitterness.

Certain men tend to become so jaded to the world, that they become pessimistic about the idea of new relationships, blocking out any underlying feelings of loneliness. 

Deep down, there’s a longing, a desire for friendship or romance that they continually refuse to address. 

Perhaps, they’ll talk down about the value of friendships or romantic relationships, as if these things are merely individual preferences, not life necessities. 

7) He stops caring about his appearance 

Being lonely for prolonged periods can be damaging, leading to things like depression or other mental health issues. 

Many lonely men might become so habituated to being alone that when they do make the rare public appearance, they might appear heavily disheveled and unkempt. 

Maybe they’ve gained or lost a concerning amount of weight. 

Maybe they’ll be dressed in musty T-shirts from last week stained with salsa or ranch dip. 

They might even emit several foul bodily odors. 

The bottom line? 

Neglecting personal hygiene or health can often be linked to chronic loneliness. 

The man in question has been so lonely for so long that looking and feeling untidy and unhealthy becomes the status quo. 

Impressing people, whether it’s themselves or anyone else, isn’t high on their list of priorities. 

Final words 

If you have a lonely man in your life, then it’s worth reaching out to him and gently letting him know that he’s not alone. 

Perhaps he’ll resist at first, his denial may be deeply ingrained, so be persistent. 

In the immortal words of Journey, “Don’t stop believing.” 

If you value him enough, make the effort. 

Eventually, he’ll come to his senses and perhaps, over time, even become the man he’s capable of being–or once was. 

One step at a time. You got this.