The world is full of people who started out with nothing and grew to be huge, raging successes. These people may have had different paths and had their own unique struggles, but they definitely had one thing in common. 

Confidence. 

And they didn’t likely become confident overnight either. They had to constantly do the inner work needed to get there. You see, confidence is like a muscle – it needs regular exercise to grow stronger. 

If you’re looking on with envy at people like that, you’re not alone. Many struggle with a lack of confidence, to the point that it weighs them down and keeps them stuck where they are. 

In this case, it pays to take a look at certain behaviors that could be actively undermining it. Because as important as adopting new habits are, so is letting go of some old, unproductive ones. 

Today, I’ll guide you through eight common behaviors that might be holding back your confidence. 

Once you’ve spotted them, you can start to let them go and embrace a more self-assured version of yourself.

1) Seeking validation

We’ve all been there. You’re not sure of yourself, so you seek approval from others to validate your worth. You believe that if others approve of your actions, then they must be right.

But the truth is, this behavior is a heavy weight on your confidence. It’s like giving someone else the steering wheel to your life.

Real talk – you don’t need anyone’s validation to feel worthy or capable. It’s your life, and ultimately, it’s your approval that matters most. 

Imagine the freedom and confidence you would feel if you didn’t have to constantly look for validation from others. It’s time to shift the focus back to you – because you’re more than enough!

2) Avoiding risks

This is something I used to struggle with, as I always had an extra thick streak of cautiousness in me. In the past, I tended to avoid risks, preferring the safety of the familiar. 

But what I didn’t realize was that this was stifling my growth and confidence. Sure, I was feeling safe, but also, I was feeling stuck. Not a good place to be.

One day, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and took up a public speaking course. It was terrifying, but also exhilarating. I admit, I fumbled around and had a lot of embarrassing moments, but I kept at it, and eventually, I started improving.

By taking that risk, I not only developed a new skill but also boosted my self-confidence. The experience taught me that it’s okay to make mistakes and stumble because that’s how we grow.

Avoiding risks might feel safe, but it can also keep you stuck in one place, like I was. So if you’re looking to boost your confidence, start embracing risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. You never know what you might discover about yourself.

3) Negative self-talk

Did you know that the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day? And according to the National Science Foundation, of those thousands of thoughts, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts.

What does that tell you? 

That negative self-talk can be a huge weight on your confidence if you allow it. When you tell yourself that you’re not good enough or that you’ll fail, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Our mind believes what we feed it. If we constantly tell ourselves that we’re incapable or unworthy, our confidence takes a hit.

On the flip side, positive affirmations can help build your confidence. That’s why it’s important to change the script. 

Every time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, replace it with positive affirmations like “I am capable,” or “I can handle this.” 

It might take time, but with consistent practice, you will notice a shift in your confidence levels.

4) Overthinking 

Overthinking is another behavior that can weigh heavily on your confidence. When you over-analyze every decision or situation, you create a loop of self-doubt and second-guessing. 

This can make you feel paralyzed and prevent you from moving forward.

The reality is, you can’t predict or control everything. Sometimes, you have to trust your instincts and make the best decision with the information you have at the time.

And you know what? You’re absolutely going to discover that making a mistake isn’t the end of the world. God knows I’ve made so many mistakes, and, well, the world’s still spinning, isn’t it?  

In fact, every situation, whether good or bad, is simply a vehicle for learning. Once you approach life with that mindset, it’s easier to let go of overthinking. Your actions will become more decisive, and this in turn will boost your confidence.

5) Comparing yourself to others

It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others. Social media has made it easier than ever to peek into other people’s lives and measure our accomplishments against theirs.

But here’s the thing: comparisons are often unfair and can seriously dent your confidence. 

Why? Because you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. Put that way, it doesn’t make sense, does it? 

Everyone has their own unique journey, with different challenges and victories. Your worth is not defined by how you stack up against others, but by your own personal growth and achievements.

In short, the only one you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday. 

6) Procrastination

Procrastination can be another major confidence killer. So many of us fall into this trap, not realizing just how much damage it can do to our self-esteem. 

See, when you put off tasks or decisions, you’re not only delaying progress. You’re also sending the message to yourself that you’re not capable of completing them.

This behavior can create a cycle of self-doubt and avoidance, which hampers your self-confidence.

On the other hand, tackling tasks right away and finishing what you start can give you a sense of accomplishment and help boost your confidence. 

Then the more confident you grow, the more quickly you can tackle your tasks each day. It’s a pretty sweet cycle, if you ask me! 

7) Not accepting compliments

Ah, compliments. I used to be so awkward with them. Whenever someone paid me a compliment, I didn’t quite know how to react. Sometimes I’d shrug it off, sometimes I’d laugh and downplay it a bit. 

I don’t know why I did it, really. But I suppose that at the time it was because I didn’t quite believe it. Which meant, I didn’t have enough self-confidence to believe it. I was subtly telling myself that I didn’t deserve the praise.  

Fortunately, there’s an easy fix to this. Just accept compliments graciously. Yes, it’s that simple. 

Over time, you’ll notice yourself becoming more confident because there’s now an invisible yet powerful shift in the message you’ve been telling yourself all this time: 

“Yes, I did well. I do deserve that compliment or kind word.”

8) Not taking care of yourself

I’ve always believed that, more often than not, what you feel on the inside will show up on the outside, even if you try to hide it. 

Think about those days when you’ve skipped meals, missed out on sleep, or haven’t taken a moment for yourself. Did you feel as confident in your interactions? Were you as productive or focused? 

In my experience, the answer is often no. I’ve noticed that when I don’t prioritize my self-care, my confidence wanes. I second-guess my decisions and I don’t feel very excited about life. 

On the flip side, when I take the time for regular exercise, healthy eating, sufficient sleep, and mental health breaks, I feel a significant shift. I stand taller and speak with more conviction. I face challenges with a stronger, more confident mindset. 

It’s a clear indicator of how intrinsically linked our self-care and confidence are.

So, the message is clear: taking care of yourself isn’t just about feeling good in the moment. 

It’s a long-term investment in your confidence and, ultimately, your success in various aspects of life. It’s about showing up for yourself, so you can show up as your best for the rest of the world.

Final reflections

Building confidence hinges on recognizing your potential and embracing your worth.

Often, it’s our own behaviors and thought patterns that weigh us down and keep us from being more confident. By identifying and saying goodbye to these behaviors, we let go of the anchors that hold us back.

You have the power to change, to grow, and to let go of what’s weighing you down. Begin with this single step – believe in yourself, in your abilities, and in your potential. The world is just waiting for you to come out of your shell!