Dealing with low self-worth and constantly seeking approval defined a significant part of my life for many years, interrupted only by fleeting moments of self-confidence.

Despite my struggles, I often found myself being judged—by well-meaning friends, concerned family members, and even myself—nudging me to simply “snap out of it”.

But why is it that I’m persistently asked to justify my journey towards self-validation?

Society often puts an unnecessary burden on individuals dealing with self-esteem issues, pushing them to conform and hide their struggles, rather than empowering them to seek help and grow.

In this article, I will share the 7 mindset shifts that helped me break free from this cycle of approval-seeking and low self-worth.

By the end of this piece, my hope is to demonstrate that there is no shame in struggling with self-validation, just as there is no shame in seeking help.

Ultimately, our journey towards self-worth should be guided by personal reflection and growth, rather than societal expectations or judgment.

1) Embrace imperfection

This was a monumental shift for me to accept.

The constant “need for approval” stemmed from my belief that I needed to be perfect to be accepted. But the truth is, my worth is not dictated by my ability to meet others’ expectations or standards.

Let me clarify.

Consider your everyday life. You make mistakes, you have flaws, and there are days when you’re not at your best. These are all parts of being human.

If you’re going to build self-esteem, it’s crucial to accept your imperfections. They make you who you are.

It’s important to relinquish the illusion of perfection that comes from approval-seeking. It doesn’t define your worth. Your acceptance of yourself does, and it is most impactful when it happens regardless of others’ opinions. When you validate yourself.

2) Validation comes from within

This was a rather surprising revelation for me.

The common advice to “just believe in yourself” seemed a bit superficial. This is often suggested as the panacea for low self-esteem, but it’s not the complete picture.

Instead, true self-validation comes from acknowledging your emotions and understanding your worth. As this renowned psychologist says:

“Observe your feelings. Don’t dismiss them, don’t belittle them, don’t stifle them; don’t react impulsively. You just be an observer, and the magic of observation is self-validation. As you observe, gradually your mind becomes less cluttered with self-doubt; but you are not becoming complacent, you are becoming more conscious, more mindful.”

When you try to “seek approval” all the time, you give too much power to others’ opinions. You lose your innate value.

Now, I give more power to my own validation. Sometimes I have negative thoughts. Other times I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I don’t fret about this anymore.

3) Self-compassion is key

You might convince yourself that being hard on yourself is a form of motivation, but sooner or later, you might discover that this only fuels your cycle of low self-esteem and approval-seeking.

You might even find yourself trapped in this cycle. Few self-beliefs are resilient enough to withstand this kind of repeated self-criticism.

Self-criticism arises in all of us, but when you deliberately allow it to control your self-perception, you’re setting yourself up for distress.

Also, it’s crucial to examine the role of self-compassion in your life.

Perhaps you’re feeling low because you’re not extending enough kindness to yourself.

Often, we chastise ourselves for our flaws and failures, as if they’re something we shouldn’t possess.

Maybe it’s time to accept these imperfections. They could be an indication that you’re human and that you’re growing.

4) Your self-worth isn’t tied to others’ opinions

I started this article by focusing on the mindset shifts and personal growth.

The thing is, these transformations also dictate how we perceive others’ opinions about us.

In my case, I used to get overly concerned with people’s views. I’d become obsessed with trying to meet their expectations.

My intentions were good. I wanted to be liked and respected.

But when I got so engrossed, I could slip into the habit of thinking that people’s opinions were more important than my own self-worth. I could lose touch with my own identity. I became anxious and was probably not such a confident person to be around.

If I judged myself for my intentions, I wouldn’t question my behavior.

Instead, because I don’t focus on my intentions, I am more able to reflect on my actions and change how I perceive myself. I am learning to value myself regardless of others’ opinions.

Your self-worth is what matters, not the opinions that influence your behavior.

5) Embrace vulnerability

This was a challenging but necessary mindset shift for me.

I used to believe that showing my vulnerabilities was a sign of weakness. I would put on a brave face, wear a mask, and hide my struggles. I thought this would protect me from judgement and rejection.

But one day, after an overwhelming bout of self-doubt, I found myself opening up to a close friend about my struggles with self-worth and constant need for approval. Instead of the judgement or pity I was expecting, I was met with understanding and empathy.

My friend shared their own struggles, and in that moment, I realized that everyone has their own battles. My vulnerabilities didn’t make me weak; they made me human.

Now, rather than hiding my flaws and fears, I choose to embrace them. This doesn’t mean I wallow in self-pity or let these struggles define me. Instead, I acknowledge them as part of my journey towards self-validation.

Embracing vulnerability hasn’t made me weak; it’s made me stronger and more self-aware.

6) Practice mindfulness

When it comes to mental health, mindfulness has gained much attention and respect in the scientific community over the last couple of decades. It is seen as a powerful tool to combat anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

Here’s the key point:

This practice encourages us to live in the present moment, to recognize our thoughts and feelings without judgement. Mindfulness helps us understand that we are not our thoughts and that our worth is not determined by external validation.

For those grappling with low self-worth, mindfulness can provide a sense of peace. It’s a reminder that we are more than our thoughts, more than others’ opinions, and more than our past mistakes.

Practicing mindfulness allows us to see our journey as a continuous process of growth and can provide a sense of self-assurance and tranquility.

7) Failure isn’t the enemy

We’re often conditioned to believe that failure is something to be avoided at all costs. That it is synonymous with defeat and inadequacy. But through my journey of self-validation, I’ve discovered that failure is not the enemy—it’s a teacher.

Every time we stumble or fall short of our goals, we are presented with a unique opportunity to learn. These moments of failure provide invaluable insights into our strengths and weaknesses, our passions and fears.

We might not always meet others’ expectations, and at times, we might not even meet our own. But these instances don’t define our worth. In fact, they contribute to our growth and self-understanding.

By reframing how we perceive failure, we can let go of the need for constant approval and start validating ourselves. After all, the journey towards self-validation is not about being flawless; it’s about embracing our humanity with all its imperfections.

Final thoughts: It’s a journey

The complexities of self-worth and validation are deeply interwoven into our personal narratives and experiences.

One such narrative revolves around the concept of neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to change and adapt as a result of experience.

This concept, rooted in neuroscience, plays a significant role in our personal growth and development.

For those struggling with low self-worth and approval-seeking behaviors, neuroplasticity offers a beacon of hope. The brain’s ability to rewire itself means we can unlearn these patterns and adopt healthier ones.

Whether it’s accepting our imperfections, embracing vulnerability, or reframing failure, each mindset shift contributes to this rewiring process.

The journey towards self-validation isn’t about achieving a state of perfection. Instead, it’s about continuous growth, self-awareness, and most importantly, self-compassion. Remember, it’s not a race but a lifelong commitment to nurturing your inner self.

Your journey towards self-validation is uniquely yours. Embrace it with patience and kindness. As you continue to grow and evolve, you’ll find that the only approval you truly need is your own.