I grew up with overbearing parents who controlled my every move. But now I’m finally finding my voice.

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | March 18, 2024, 7:45 pm

Raised in a stifling environment with strict rules and controlling parents, my life seemed confined to a predetermined template – from wardrobe choices to career decisions.

Both accomplished professionals, my parents firmly believed that their method was the optimal way to lead their children to a successful future. They viewed themselves as experienced navigators, skillfully guiding me through life’s challenges.

As a teen, I obediently followed their prescribed route, studying hard and conforming to their vision. However, when I moved across the country for college, a seismic shift occurred. I realized there was more than one ‘right’ way to live. That’s when I began to embark on a challenging yet enlightening journey toward independence. 

Now at 25, I’ve finally started to find my voice. It’s not loud or boisterous; rather it’s calm and assertive — a gentle reminder that while parental guidance is valuable, it is equally important for the individual to carve out their unique path in life.

This newfound voice isn’t just about defying my parents or asserting independence; it’s about learning to trust myself. And in this next phase of my life, I’m excited to explore what that really means.

Discovering my voice amidst the noise

My first year at college was a whirlwind of independence and self-discovery. Being miles away from home, I found myself in an environment that was far removed from my parent’s influence. It was initially overwhelming, but it was also the space I needed to breathe and find my voice.

One of the first steps I took was challenging the pre-determined career path set out for me. I realized that despite being good at mathematics, I didn’t want to be an engineer. The thought of spending the rest of my life in a profession that didn’t excite me felt stifling. So, against my parents’ wishes, I switched majors to creative writing.

Next came the challenge of making independent decisions. From picking my classes to managing my finances and even deciding what to eat for dinner — each decision felt like a small victory towards autonomy.

However, this journey wasn’t about rebellion or defiance. It was about learning to trust myself, make mistakes and take ownership of them. It was about understanding that while my parents’ intentions were rooted in love and concern, they didn’t necessarily know what was best for me.

In this process, I also realized how parental control had affected my relationships. I had always chosen friends who fit into my parents’ approved list, often suppressing parts of myself to fit in. This awareness led me to broaden my circle, inviting diverse and enriching friendships into my life.

This journey has been about recognizing that it’s okay to diverge from the path others have set for you. It’s okay to decide what feels right for you and make your own choices. And most importantly, it’s okay to find your own voice.

Redefining the concept of parental love and care

Growing up, I was made to believe that parental control was a form of love. The belief that ‘parents know best’ was deeply ingrained in me. Their strict rules were justified as means to protect me from the world’s harsh realities.

However, my time away from home made me question this belief. I saw my peers making their own decisions, both good and bad, and learning from their experiences. They were growing, evolving, and most importantly, they were happy.

I realized that while my parents’ intentions were pure, their method of showing love was flawed. Love shouldn’t stifle growth or suppress individuality. It should foster independence and encourage exploration.

Their protective bubble had shielded me from the world, but it had also kept me from discovering who I am, what I want, and what I’m capable of.

This realization was an eye-opener. It challenged the age-old belief that parental control is synonymous with love. It made me understand that while guidance is necessary during our formative years, there should be room for self-discovery and personal growth.

Finding a balance: Honoring their love and asserting my independence

Navigating this situation was not easy. I had to tread carefully, balancing my newfound independence with the respect and love I have for my parents.

The first step was open communication. I had to express my feelings honestly, without blaming or criticizing them. I explained that while I appreciated their concern and guidance, I needed the space to make my own decisions and learn from them.

This wasn’t a one-time conversation. It was a series of discussions, sometimes confrontational, but always heading towards understanding and compromise.

Next, I slowly started asserting my independence in small ways. Whether it was choosing my meals, managing my finances, or picking my classes — I made sure they understood that these were my choices.

Over time, they began to see the benefits. They saw me growing, maturing, and handling responsibilities on my own. This recognition didn’t come overnight. It required patience, persistence, and a lot of understanding from both sides.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, communicate openly with your parents. It won’t be easy, but with patience and understanding, you can find your voice without severing the bond of love and respect between you and your parents.

Embracing self-empowerment and reshaping my reality

Taking responsibility for my situation, even though it wasn’t entirely my fault, was a significant step towards self-empowerment. It put me back in the driver’s seat, giving me control over my choices.

This process of taking responsibility also came with the realization that a lot of my beliefs and perceptions were influenced by societal expectations, parental advice, and cultural programming. I had to learn to think for myself, to identify what was truly important to me.

This wasn’t about blind positivity or ignoring the reality of my situation. Quite the contrary, I had to face my dissatisfaction and struggles head on. I had to understand that while external influences and societal conditioning played a role in shaping my life, I had the power to change it.

In recap: Lessons learned

  • Acknowledge your current dissatisfaction or struggles.
  • Take responsibility for your situation, even if it’s not your fault.
  • Understand external influences and societal conditioning.
  • Pursue personal ambitions and desires, not externally imposed ones.
  • Seek self-empowerment by breaking free from societal expectations.

I’d like to encourage you to do the same. Start questioning societal myths and expectations that limit your potential. Embrace the journey of self-exploration and reshape your reality.

Remember, seeking self-empowerment isn’t about feel-good mysticism; it’s about practical self-development. Dedicate time daily to practice self-improvement techniques that align with your true nature.