How to spot a low-key narcissist: 9 telltale behaviors, according to psychology

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | August 9, 2024, 10:11 pm

Spotting a low-key narcissist isn’t always as straightforward as you might think.

Narcissism is more than just an inflated ego; it’s a complex personality disorder often masked by charm and confidence.

When it comes to identifying these covert narcissists, psychology offers us some key telltale behaviors to watch out for.

With this knowledge, you can arm yourself against manipulation and deceit. So, let’s delve into the world of psychology and uncover the nine signs of a low-key narcissist lurking in your life.

1) They’re always the hero

We all love a good hero story, don’t we? But when someone is always the hero in their own stories, it’s time to raise an eyebrow.

Narcissists have a tendency to cast themselves in the best light possible, even if it means bending the truth a bit. They’re always saving the day or coming up with the perfect solution.

Psychology tells us that this constant need for admiration is a key characteristic of narcissism. They thrive on being seen as superior and crave recognition for their perceived greatness.

But remember, everyone has their moments of glory and moments of failure. If someone’s life seems too perfect to be true, it likely is. So, keep your eyes open for those who always seem to play the hero.

2) Lack of empathy

I remember a time when a friend’s dog passed away. As a dog lover myself, I was heartbroken for her. But when I shared the news with another friend, his response was surprisingly cold.

Instead of expressing empathy and comforting words, he simply shrugged and changed the topic. It felt as if he didn’t care about my friend’s pain, or didn’t understand why she was upset.

Psychology tells us that a lack of empathy is a significant trait of narcissists. They struggle to relate to others’ feelings or show genuine concern for others’ well-being.

So if you notice someone in your life who consistently fails to empathize, take note. It could be a sign that you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist.

3) Constant need for attention

Narcissists love the spotlight. They crave admiration and thrive when they’re the center of attention. They’re the ones who will dominate a conversation, or make any event about them.

Interestingly, research shows that narcissists often use dramatic, captivating, or even provocative behavior to keep the focus on them. This attention-seeking behavior is a common psychological trait found in narcissists.

But remember, everyone enjoys a bit of attention now and then. What sets narcissists apart is their insatiable need to always be in the limelight. If you notice someone in your life who can’t stand not being the focus, it could signal a deeper issue.

4) Frequent boundary violations

Respect for personal boundaries is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. However, narcissists often struggle with this concept.

Whether it’s invading your personal space, going through your belongings, or dismissing your feelings, narcissists tend to overlook boundaries. They view others as extensions of themselves, and this can lead to a disregard for personal privacy and autonomy.

So if you find someone in your life consistently overstepping your boundaries despite being told not to, it may be more than just a lack of understanding. It could be a sign of low-key narcissism. Remember, everyone has the right to their own space and feelings. Don’t let anyone diminish that.

5) Grandiose sense of self-importance

Ever met someone who thinks they’re the best thing since sliced bread? That’s a narcissist for you.

Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance. They believe they’re special, unique, and superior to others. They expect to be recognized for this supposed superiority, even without achievements that warrant it.

This grandiosity isn’t merely a high level of confidence. It’s an unrealistic self-view that puts them on a pedestal above everyone else.

So, when you encounter someone who constantly talks about their greatness or expects to be treated differently because they think they’re ‘special’, take a step back. This could be a telltale sign of hidden narcissism.

6) Lack of genuine interest in others

We all want to feel seen, heard, and valued by the people in our lives. It’s a fundamental part of human connection. But with a narcissist, this connection can feel one-sided.

Narcissists typically show a lack of genuine interest in others unless it serves their needs or boosts their ego. They may feign interest, but their conversations often circle back to them and their experiences.

If you’re consistently feeling overlooked or like you’re just an audience to someone’s life story, it can be disheartening. Remember, you deserve to be part of a reciprocal relationship where your thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter just as much. This lack of interest in others is a common trait of narcissism, so take note if you experience it.

7) Difficulty accepting criticism

A while back, I worked on a project with a colleague. When the time came for feedback, I noticed he reacted negatively to any constructive criticism. Even the smallest suggestion was met with defensiveness or outright dismissal.

This reaction was a clear sign of his inability to accept criticism, a trait often associated with narcissism. Narcissists perceive any form of criticism as a personal attack and respond with defensiveness or even aggression.

So, if you notice someone in your life who can’t handle criticism or feedback, be aware. It’s not just about being sensitive; it could be a sign of underlying narcissism.

8) Exploitative behavior

Narcissists are known for their exploitative behavior. They use others to meet their own needs, often without considering the impact on the other person.

This can take many forms, from manipulating a situation to their advantage, to using someone else’s resources without giving anything in return.

Psychology tells us that this lack of regard for others and a willingness to take advantage of them is a classic sign of narcissism.

So if you find someone in your life who seems to be using others for their own gain consistently, it’s worth considering if this is a sign of low-key narcissism. Remember, everyone deserves respect and fairness in their interactions. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

9) Insatiable need for control

Narcissists have an intense need for control over people and situations. They want to dictate the terms, set the pace, and steer the direction of everything around them. This dominance isn’t about leadership; it’s about a deep-seated need to maintain control.

If you notice someone in your life who can’t handle not being in control, or who gets upset when things don’t go their way, take note. This insatiable need for control is more than just a personality quirk – it’s a hallmark of narcissism.

Understanding, not labeling

At the heart of psychology lies a quest for understanding, not just labeling. Recognizing the signs of low-key narcissism isn’t about pointing fingers or making snap judgments.

It’s about understanding the complexities that make up human behavior. It’s about recognizing patterns that can help us navigate relationships more effectively and protect ourselves from potential harm.

Remember, we all exhibit some narcissistic traits from time to time. It’s the frequency and intensity of these behaviors that differentiate a true narcissist from the rest.

So if you identify these behaviors in someone you know, approach with empathy and caution. Seek professional advice if necessary.

Because at the end of the day, understanding each other is a crucial step towards creating a more compassionate world.

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