8 habits that are quietly making you unhappy in life, according to psychology
You’re working hard at your job, taking courses to improve yourself, and even went on a month-long spiritual retreat…
But despite following guru after guru, you still feel like crap!
Sure, you may feel bliss for a short moment but it’s gone so soon and you need to find something new to feel better again—ASAP.
If you’re like many seekers, there comes a point when you just get so frustrated and say “I’m already doing so much but why am I still so unhappy!?”
The thing is, more isn’t always better especially if you’re NOT keeping track of the small things that are slowly eating up your joy.
Make sure you’re aware of the 8 habits that are quietly making you unhappy in life, according to psychology.
1) Jumping straight into work
Do you check your email the moment you open your eyes?
Do you rush your breakfast and shower fast so you can start typing on your computer?
Well, you might think you’re doing yourself a favor for being extra productive but it actually has negative effects on your physical and mental wellbeing.
Not only will this lead to burnout, it’s also guaranteed to slowly make you unhappy.
According to psychology, our morning routine sets the tone for the rest of our day.
This is the reason why many successful entrepreneurs have a solid morning routine—and take note, they don’t go straight to work!
They do happiness-boosting activities like:
- Exercise— Science says doing just 20-minutes of cardio pumps up your endorphins, making you a little less stressed and a little more happier.
- Meditation—This helps program our brains to be more mindful and accepting of our thoughts and feelings, which according to psychology can help increase happiness.
- Being with pets and nature—This boosts both physical and mental health by enhancing feelings of connectedness according to research.
So instead of having a rushed morning, take things slow.
Wake up slowly, look out the window, listen to good music, eat a nutritious breakfast, journal…
Listen, you have the whole day for work!
So reserve your mornings for yourself.
2) Always wanting more
Buddhism has taught us that desire is the root of unhappiness. The more we want things, the more driven we become…
But then it could also lead to frustrations, dissatisfaction, self-loathing, envy, and negative feelings towards one’s self and life.
According to Dr. Steve Taylor, there are several reasons why wanting something makes one unhappy:
- Wanting creates dissatisfaction with our current state.
- Wanting makes us less focused on the present.
- Wanting creates frustration.
- Wanting leads to more wanting.
This is the reason why we become melancholic when we’re in love—with a person, with a thing, with an idea. We used to be happy but then we feel that suddenly, there’s something missing in our lives!
Buddhism suggests that if we want to be happy, we must eliminate any desires.
When we have no desires nor ambitious and grand goals, we won’t have unfulfilled expectations. And if we have no unfulfilled expectations, we are less likely to be unhappy.
Of course, this is rather extreme.
Wanting growth, and financial freedom doesn’t make you shallow unless you are always chasing the next best thing with only fleeting feelings of happiness.
If that’s the case, it’s time to practice gratitude.
3) Being chronically online
Studies show that being online for more than 2 hours daily—especially if it’s spent scrolling on social media—can lead to unhappiness.
Seeing other people’s highlight reels can make us envious, anxious, materialistic…and yes, it would make us want more (which is a bad thing, according to point #2).
Being online too often can make us live in constant comparison and competition with other people, and that slowly drains the pleasure and happiness.
The things that could lead to more peace of mind and happiness—like being in the present, forming genuine connections, and moving our bodies—become harder when we’re online most of the time!
Multiple studies also show the strong link of social media to depression, anxiety, feelings of isolation, and the pressure to show a stereotype of a popular life, makes it hard for others to cope.
To keep your use of social media beneficial for your well-being, be intentional with your use, take frequent social media fasts, and make sure to maintain real life relationships.
4) Trying to impress others
Low self-esteem, trauma, and even our natural need for connection can all lead to unhappiness when we focus on impressing other people and winning their approval.
Why?
For so many reasons!
- You won’t be able to live an authentic life.
- You will always live by the rules of other people.
- You’ll be affected by what others say about you.
- You’d always try to do things for others, not for yourself.
Unhealthy childhood dynamics of needing to impress our parents and our teachers may go unchecked when we are young.
But the moment we enter adulthood, we have to try to find our place in the world— and embrace who we truly are. That’s the DUTY of every individual.
If you haven’t done that yet, you’ll be a slave to other people, and this is guaranteed to make you more and more unhappy as the years pass.
Now before you think you must be truly messed up, psychologists believe validation and approval-seeking can be healthy if you balance it.
This means having the capacity for self-validation while still being open to the opinions of others.
5) Spending time with toxic people
According to studies, strong relationships, especially who we marry, is the most important decision we’ll ever make. And I believe that’s true!
I was in a toxic marriage for over a decade and it has made me the unhappiest person on earth. I was bitter, I was always angry, and at one point I even wished that I stopped existing!
I was so ashamed of myself that I was living with a person who treated me like garbage.
You can do all the things that can make a person happy—exercise, travel, earn well, have hobbies—but if you’re dealing with toxic people every single day, you’ll feel depleted just as fast.
Nothing can make up for bad relationships—nothing.
And scientific studies show that being in a toxic relationship causes chronic stress and releases cortisol that negatively affects both physical and mental health.
So if you care for your happiness, make sure you’re with people who lift you up and respect you.
Now, I’m not saying you should stay away the moment you have an argument. I’m saying that if they’re toxic most of the time and have no intention to get better, leave.
6) Putting things off
If you procrastinate, you become unproductive. If you’re unproductive, well…it can make you unhappy, of course!
No one becomes happy for delaying what they know they should be doing for their own benefit.
And it can make one miserable if it has become a habit!
Being a procrastinator from time to time is normal. We all have our bad days. But if you’ve been a procrastinator all your life? That can indeed lead to unhappiness no matter how much you try to cheer yourself up.
According to psychologists, procrastination is a form of self-harm that prioritizes feeling good in the present over long-term happiness and satisfaction.
But if you’re caught in this trap, don’t worry, studies show that self-compassion and forgiving yourself will lessen the stress and procrastination over time.
7) Trying to do everything for everyone
Studies show that doing things for others can actually make us happy.
But doing things for everyone all the freaking time? Nah!
It can deplete you. It can make you deprioritize yourself.
And most of all, it may lead to intense burnout, and even chronic illness.
These can be symptoms of a Savior complex, especially if you repeatedly make personal sacrifices of your time, energy, money, and resources in the belief that ONLY YOU can help.
If you want to be happier in life, sure—care for others.
But you gotta do the airplane rule: put your oxygen mask on first, then help the person next to you.”
8) Worrying too much
Are you a worrywart?
Do you worry about losing your job even if you’re still very employed?
Do you worry about your partner cheating on you when they’re very loyal?
Do you worry about your life three years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now? A hundred years from now?
Welcome to the club! And I must say, I don’t enjoy being here.
I had many moments where I should just be happy but I ruined it by worrying about 101 things that are likely never going to happen.
I know what you’re thinking, “What if I stop worrying, and the things I do will actually happen?”
While anxiety has upsides when it is protective, if it’s getting in the way of your work and you are starting to feel depressed, losing sleep, and unable to enjoy interactions, then it’s definitely a problem according to psychology.
While it’s not easy to stop excessive worry and anxiety, don’t ever underestimate the basics of getting enough sleep, eating well, and getting your body moving.
Don’t let worry and anxiety suck your happiness dry until you wilt and forget the many beautiful things you have in the present.
Final thoughts:
Sometimes when we’re feeling terribly unhappy, we feel like nothing short of a drastic life change can make things better.
But just like plants can thrive better with just a simple adding of water, or moving the pot a bit to receive more sunlight, we too can thrive with a few simple changes.
You don’t always need to leave your partner, quit your job, and move to the other side of the world.
You can simply become more mindful of the small habits that are draining the life out of you and make the shift to more supportive ones.