Confession time. I am not a fan of the 2000s popular sitcom, The King of Queens. 

The main character, Doug Heffernen (played by Kevin James) is a UPS delivery driver. He’s also lazy, out of shape, smart-mouthed, entitled, and has no desire to get ahead in life.

He’s fine spending every evening sprawled in front of the television set in his Brooklyn home or eating at his favorite chain restaurant. Maybe the most he’ll do is go to a movie. 

His smart-mouthed wife, Carrie (played by Leah Remini), is a legal secretary at a Manhattan law firm who longs for a more financially abundant life. She’s materialistic, yes, but at least she has dreams and goals and wants to better herself. 

Maybe what I don’t like about the sitcom is that it normalizes this common North American lifestyle. Being lazy and having no real goals—especially when it comes to men in particular—isn’t considered a bad thing.  

I read an interesting article recently on how the current state of masculinity is in crisis. 

“There is a common thread pervading masculinity that needs to go if we are to take our place in the modern world,” says Medium writer James Lennard Rakich. 

“I’m speaking of a lazy, lonely, and entitled version of masculinity that has done us no favors, not the people around us.”

Rakich believes that the end result of this kind of masculinity is being untrusted, feared, ostracized, and ridiculed. 

“If we want more for ourselves and our children, it’s time to evolve and become the men I know we’re all capable of being.”

Men who never move forward in life tend to have some common characteristics. Here are five habits of lazy men who are going nowhere fast. 

1) They are exemplary at making excuses—especially when it comes to making a commitment 

Years ago, I worked with a woman who was in a long-term relationship with her partner. They both talked about getting married but somehow for one or the other—but mostly him—it was never the right time. 

A lot of the time it was money. Other times there were issues with the extended family. 

Then, even when things were seemingly going great, he would say, “I like the way things are right now between us. Let’s not rush anything.”

Not moving forward in a relationship (when marriage is the goal), could mean that you are both comfortable and have settled into a routine or “situationship” that doesn’t require a promise for the future, says Lauren Porter from Essence Magazine. 

“Liking how things are at the moment could be code for ‘this is as good as it gets.’ Translation: He doesn’t want to push or grow with you.”

Sociologist and gender studies expert Michael Kimmel interviewed hundreds of 16 to 26-year-olds across the United States and he found a trend of “guy culture” that is marked by an inability to have healthy relationships with women, lofty career goals, and really, the desire not to grow up.   

Kimmel’s book, Guyland, talks about why many young men are trapped somewhere between adolescence and adulthood. 

2) They have perfected the art of procrastination

I know of one man in my extended family who has a reputation for procrastination.

It could be anything from putting off mowing the lawn (his wife would sarcastically remark how their lawn sometimes looked unkempt compared to the neighbors) to filing his taxes. 

I remember hearing one story about how he needed his passport signed by a guarantor (in those days the laws were different to how they are today), and he went to his doctor as he had in the past for his signature.

This time, the doctor refused to vouch for him. The reason? “You haven’t come to see me in years, so I can’t be your guarantor in good faith.”

I’m sure he regretted putting off what should have been routine medical appointments. 

In a study entitled, Effects of Gender and Age on Procrastination, researchers found that when it came to procrastination, men had a higher tendency to believe that a particular situation is controlled by external factors and not one’s self. 

“Ergo, men portrayed lower perseverance in completing a given task and increased procrastination due to high external locus of control.”

3) You won’t catch them wandering out of their comfort zone 

More than women, men tend to resist change. 

My father was a successful man but he could be stubborn about doing things out of his comfort zone. 

I remember for many years my mom wanted to go to India. She would bring it up once in a while to my dad, who although I know he wanted to do the same, he never really made moves towards making it happen.

Resisting change is often rooted in a comfort zone, says Sylvia Smith from Marriage.com. 

“A husband who resists change might prefer routine and familiarity, avoiding new experiences or adjustments,” she says. 

“This can result in seeming lazy as he sticks to habits and patterns rather than embracing growth or trying different approaches.”

Smith says that although this behavior might not stem from actual laziness, it can still create an impression of it. 

“He appears unwilling to invest energy in adapting to new circumstances or ideas.” 

4) They also don’t possess much self-discipline 

According to Zat Baraka, founder of the Men’s Wisdom Network, one of the most significant places of suffering for men is the shame they feel around their lack of integrity in maintaining their disciplines. 

“Perhaps you are a man who procrastinates or has little self-discipline. Maybe you are disciplined in some areas of your life but in others, you fail. This is the nature of being human,” he relates. 

“But I think it’s such an important topic because of how painful it is for men that lack discipline and how critical it is for men to feel a level of success in their discipline.”

Because men’s brains are goal-oriented, lacking a sense of discipline makes it virtually impossible to achieve those goals. 

“To lack discipline also cuts at the core of how [most] want to be perceived.”

A lack of discipline can be prevalent in any area of a man’s life: his physical health, his mental well-being, his personal and spiritual growth, how he uses his time, his sleep habits, his spending habits, and of course, his commitment to his relationships. 

5) Their physical health isn’t a priority 

More than women, men have a tendency to neglect their health. 

Reasons include feeling embarrassed, judged, or uncomfortable, hoping that whatever issue they’re having would go away on its own, says Armin Brott from AJC Pulse. 

“[Many men don’t want] to be told to make lifestyle changes, or [they don’t want] to know.”

Brott says that although society and doctors need to do more, men need to take some responsibility. 

In fact, in a 2019 Cleveland Clinic survey, about 20% of men admitted they haven’t been completely honest with their doctor about their health. 

So how can men leave their laziness behind and move forward in life?

There’s nothing wrong with taking a lazy day here and there. 

This is especially true if you’ve gone through something difficult like a breakup, or you’ve lost a loved one, for example, or you’re just going through a stressful time. Being “lazy” can be your body’s way of processing and starting the healing process. 

“But if you find that you’re taking lazy days more often than not, and you’re having trouble getting things done, it could be a sign that something is going on,” according to Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD. 

Maybe it’s a lack of passion for your job, and yet you keep putting off going after a better one, or at least getting a side hustle going—so you stay stuck. 

Make your goals manageable, says Legg. “Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.”

But do create a plan of action and hold yourself accountable. 

“Create and plan of action [and] use your strengths,” says Legg. “[Also] don’t get distracted.”

Remember to recognize your accomplishments along the way. This will not only make you feel proud, but it will also keep you motivated to keep moving forward.”

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. This is still moving in the right direction as opposed to giving up and becoming stagnant. 

Let yourself be lazy once in a while, but just don’t stay there. It’s okay to relax as long as you get back on it.

We have faith that you will.