Remember that friend who always said they’d travel the world “someday”? I had coffee with him last week. He’s 72 now, sitting in the same coffee shop we’ve been meeting at for decades, and he told me something that stuck with me: “I kept waiting for the perfect time. Now my knees won’t let me climb those temple steps in Cambodia.”

That conversation got me thinking about all the choices we make in our middle years that seem reasonable at the time but can haunt us later. After spending 35 years in middle management and watching countless colleagues navigate their own paths, I’ve noticed some patterns that tend to lead to profound regret down the road.

1. Prioritizing work over relationships

How many family dinners have you missed this month because of work? I spent years telling myself that working late was for my family’s benefit. More money meant better opportunities for them, right?

Wrong. Those school plays I missed? My kids don’t remember the extra money I made those nights. They remember the empty seat. The promotion I got from all those overtime hours didn’t mean much when my daughter told me years later that she stopped looking for me in the audience.

Your career will end. Your relationships don’t have to. Yet so many of us treat it the other way around.

2. Neglecting physical health for convenience

“I’ll start exercising next month.” Sound familiar? In our 40s and 50s, we still feel somewhat invincible. Sure, climbing stairs leaves us a bit winded, but we’re managing fine, aren’t we?

At 58, I had what doctors called a “minor cardiac event.” Minor to them, maybe. To me, lying in that hospital bed, it was a wake-up call that came almost too late. Now I walk Lottie every morning at 6:30 AM, rain or shine. But I wonder how different things might have been if I’d started this routine twenty years earlier.

The body keeps score, and the bill comes due in your 70s with compound interest.

3. Avoiding difficult conversations

We become masters of keeping the peace in middle age. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t bring up that issue with your spouse. Don’t tell your friend how their behavior hurt you. Don’t have that honest conversation with your aging parents about their future care.

But unspoken words don’t disappear. They accumulate like dust in corners, and by the time you’re 70, you’re left with rooms full of regret and relationships that never reached their potential depth. Some people are no longer around to have those conversations with.

4. Staying in your comfort zone

When did trying new things become so scary? In our 40s and 50s, we’ve usually found our groove. Same restaurants, same vacation spots, same weekend routines. It feels safe and manageable.

A colleague retired the same year I did. He’d always talked about learning to paint but never signed up for a class. “Too old to start now,” he’d say at 55. Last I heard, he’s 74 and still saying the same thing. Meanwhile, I met my wife in a pottery class I almost didn’t take because I thought I’d look foolish. That was 40 years ago.

Your comfort zone is comfortable for a reason, but nothing grows there, including you.

Related: 10 life lessons most men learn too late in life, according to Carl Jung

5. Letting friendships fade

When was the last time you called that old friend? Not a text, not a Facebook like, but an actual conversation?

Maintaining friendships in middle age feels like another task on an already overwhelming list. We assume these relationships will always be there when we have more time. But friendship is like a muscle that atrophies without use. By 70, many find themselves surrounded by acquaintances but lacking deep connections. Making new meaningful friendships becomes exponentially harder with age.

6. Living through your children

Your kids’ achievements are not your achievements. This one’s tough to swallow, especially when you’ve invested so much in their success. But parents who define themselves entirely through their children’s accomplishments often face an identity crisis when those kids grow up and move on.

What happens when they don’t call as often? When they make choices you wouldn’t make? When they no longer need you in the same way? If you haven’t cultivated your own interests and identity, your 70s can feel surprisingly empty despite having raised successful children.

7. Ignoring financial reality

“I’ll figure it out later.” These five words have probably caused more retirement anxiety than any others. In our 40s and 50s, retirement seems far enough away that we can afford to be vague about it.

But here’s what I learned from 35 years watching colleagues retire: those who faced the numbers early, even when those numbers were uncomfortable, had choices. Those who didn’t found themselves working longer than their bodies wanted to or living more restricted lives than they’d imagined.

Money conversations are uncomfortable. Poverty in old age is worse.

8. Postponing joy

Are you waiting to be happy? Waiting for retirement, for the kids to leave home, for the mortgage to be paid off? In middle age, we become experts at deferring joy. We’ll take that trip when things calm down. We’ll pursue that hobby when we have more time.

But joy isn’t a reward waiting at the finish line. It’s available now, in small doses, if you look for it. The people I know who are happiest in their 70s aren’t the ones who waited to start living. They’re the ones who found ways to incorporate pleasure into their daily lives all along.

9. Refusing to forgive

Grudges are heavy, and they get heavier with age. That family member who wronged you, that business partner who betrayed you, that friend who disappointed you – holding onto that anger might feel justified, but it’s you who carries the weight.

I’ve seen too many people in their 70s still rehashing conflicts from decades ago. The other person has often moved on or even forgotten, while they’re still drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it. Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about freeing yourself from a burden that only gets heavier with time.

Final thoughts

The good news? If you’re reading this in your 40s or 50s, you still have time to change course. Even in your 60s, it’s not too late to address some of these patterns. The regrets of 70 aren’t inevitable; they’re preventable.

Start small. Make that phone call. Take that walk. Have that conversation. Sign up for that class. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.