You know that feeling when you’re bursting with good news? Your heart’s racing, you can’t wait to tell someone, and then… deflation. Complete and utter deflation.

Last year, I finally got around to finishing a woodworking project I’d been tinkering with for months. Nothing fancy, just a bookshelf, but I was ridiculously proud of it. When I showed it to an old buddy, his first words were, “Oh, I built one of those in a weekend once. Mine had adjustable shelves though.”

That moment stuck with me because it perfectly captured something I’ve noticed more and more lately. Some people have this uncanny ability to suck the joy right out of your good news. They’re not necessarily bad people, but they’re so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t help but make everything about them.

After decades of witnessing office conflicts and personal relationships go sideways, I’ve compiled a list of the most common phrases these self-absorbed folks use when you share something positive. Once you recognize these patterns, you’ll spot them from a mile away.

1. “That reminds me of when I…”

This is the classic conversation hijacker. You barely finish your sentence before they’re launching into their own story. You got a promotion? They’ll tell you about their promotion from five years ago. Your kid made the honor roll? Buckle up for a 10-minute monologue about their child’s academic achievements.

The frustrating part? They genuinely think they’re relating to you. But there’s a massive difference between sharing a similar experience later in the conversation and immediately redirecting the spotlight onto themselves.

2. “I could never do that because…”

Ever notice how some people turn your success into a commentary on their own limitations? You mention running your first 5K, and they respond with all the reasons they could never run. You share that you’re learning Spanish, and they explain why their brain just isn’t wired for languages.

What they’re really saying is, “Let me make this about me and my insecurities.” Instead of celebrating with you, they’re using your moment to fish for reassurance or sympathy.

3. “That’s nice, but have you heard about…”

The minimizer strikes again. They acknowledge your news with the enthusiasm of someone reading a grocery list, then immediately pivot to something they find more interesting. Usually, it’s gossip about someone else or their own news they’ve been dying to share.

I had to end a toxic friendship in my 50s partly because of this behavior. Every piece of good news I shared was met with a lukewarm “that’s nice” followed by whatever drama was happening in their life. It was exhausting.

4. “You’re so lucky”

Ah yes, the luck card. Because surely your achievement had nothing to do with hard work, dedication, or skill. It was all just cosmic fortune, right?

When someone attributes your success entirely to luck, they’re essentially saying your efforts don’t matter. They’re also implying that the only reason they haven’t achieved the same thing is because the universe hasn’t blessed them yet. It’s a subtle way of diminishing your accomplishment while absolving themselves of any responsibility for their own situation.

5. “I knew someone who did that and…”

Here comes the cautionary tale. You share that you’re starting a business, and suddenly they’re full of stories about people who lost everything. You mention you’re getting married, and they’ve got divorce statistics ready to go.

These people disguise their negativity as concern. They think they’re being helpful by warning you about all the things that could go wrong. What they’re actually doing is projecting their own fears and insecurities onto your situation.

6. “Must be nice to have the time/money for that”

This passive-aggressive gem implies that your achievement is only possible because you have advantages they don’t. It completely ignores the sacrifices you might have made or the priorities you’ve set.

When someone says this, they’re really saying, “I’m jealous, but I don’t want to admit it, so I’ll make you feel guilty instead.” They turn your positive moment into an opportunity to play the victim.

7. “Yeah, but what about…”

The eternal pessimist can always find the cloud in your silver lining. You got a raise? Yeah, but what about the taxes you’ll have to pay? You’re excited about your vacation? Yeah, but what about the crowds and the expense?

These people seem physically incapable of letting you enjoy anything without pointing out potential downsides. They mistake their negativity for realism and can’t understand why everyone else isn’t as concerned about these “problems” as they are.

8. “I already knew you would”

This might sound supportive at first, but it’s actually another way of minimizing your achievement. By claiming they predicted your success, they’re taking partial credit for it. After all, if it was so obvious to them, how special could it really be?

What’s missing from this response? Genuine excitement, congratulations, or any acknowledgment of the effort you put in. Instead, they position themselves as the wise observer who saw it all coming.

Final thoughts

Learning to recognize these phrases has been a game-changer for me. Once you spot these patterns, you can protect your energy and choose who you share your victories with more carefully.

Not everyone deserves to hear your good news. That might sound harsh, but your joy is precious. Share it with people who will multiply it, not those who will subtract from it. Find the ones who respond with genuine enthusiasm, who ask follow-up questions because they’re actually interested, who celebrate your wins as if they were their own.

Those are your people. Everyone else? Well, they can hear about it later, maybe at the office Christmas party, when you’re too busy enjoying yourself to notice their self-absorbed responses.