It’s not about having a stoic face while everything crumbles around you, or pretending difficulties don’t affect you. That’s not strength—that’s denial.

Real mental toughness is what you do when things get hard. How you respond when life doesn’t go according to plan. The behaviors you default to when you’re under pressure.

I’ve spent years studying psychology and human behavior, running businesses through challenging periods, and navigating my own difficult seasons. And I’ve noticed something consistent: mentally tough people don’t have fewer problems. They just respond to problems differently.

They have specific behaviors—practices they fall back on when times get tough—that allow them to weather storms that would break others.

These aren’t superhuman abilities. They’re learnable skills that anyone can develop. But they make all the difference between people who crumble under pressure and those who grow stronger through it.

Today, I want to share the ten behaviors that mentally tough people practice during difficult times. Because understanding what they do differently might be exactly what you need to navigate your own challenges.

1) They acknowledge reality without catastrophizing

Mentally tough people don’t minimize their problems or pretend everything’s fine when it isn’t.

But they also don’t spiral into worst-case scenarios or let their imagination run wild with everything that could go wrong.

They practice what psychologists call “realistic optimism”—seeing the situation clearly, acknowledging the difficulty, but not adding layers of catastrophic thinking on top of what’s actually happening.

When faced with a setback, they ask: “What’s actually true here? Not what might happen or what I’m afraid could happen, but what’s the reality right now?”

This creates a stable foundation to work from. You can’t solve problems effectively when you’re reacting to imagined disasters rather than actual circumstances.

I learned this lesson building my media business. There were moments when things looked genuinely difficult. The mentally tough response wasn’t to pretend it was fine or to panic about bankruptcy. It was to assess: “Here’s what’s actually happening. Here’s what we can do about it.”

Clear-eyed assessment without emotional amplification—that’s where mental toughness begins.

2) They focus on what they can control and release what they can’t

This is perhaps the most fundamental behavior of mental toughness.

When things go wrong, mentally tough people quickly sort everything into two categories: things they can influence and things they cannot.

Then they pour their energy exclusively into the first category.

They don’t waste time raging about circumstances beyond their control. They don’t ruminate on what should have been different or how unfair the situation is.

Instead, they ask: “Given that this is the situation, what’s my move? What can I actually do here?”

This isn’t passive acceptance of bad circumstances. It’s strategic allocation of limited resources—your time, attention, and emotional energy—toward actions that might actually make a difference.

In Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How to Live with Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how this aligns perfectly with Buddhist philosophy. The Serenity Prayer captures it: accepting what cannot be changed, having courage to change what can be, and wisdom to know the difference.

Mental toughness is, in many ways, the practice of that wisdom.

3) They maintain their routines and rituals

When life gets chaotic, the temptation is to let everything slide.

Skip the workout because you’re stressed. Eat poorly because you’re overwhelmed. Stay up late because your mind is racing. Stop doing the small things that usually ground you because you don’t have the bandwidth.

Mentally tough people do the opposite.

They become more disciplined about their routines during difficult times, not less. They know that maintaining structure when everything else is unstable is crucial for resilience.

The morning routine continues. The exercise happens, even if it’s shorter. They still make time for whatever practices usually keep them centered—whether that’s meditation, journaling, or riding their bike through the city.

This isn’t about rigid perfectionism. It’s about creating islands of normalcy and control when much of life feels neither normal nor controllable.

These routines become anchors. They signal to your nervous system: “We’re still okay. We’re still functioning. This difficulty hasn’t destroyed our basic capacity to take care of ourselves.”

Living between Vietnam and Singapore, often traveling and dealing with unpredictable schedules, I’ve learned how crucial this is. The stronger my routines during stable times, the better I weather the unstable ones.

4) They reach out for support instead of isolating

Here’s a common misconception: mentally tough people handle everything alone.

Actually, mentally tough people are remarkably good at asking for help.

They recognize that isolation during difficult times amplifies suffering. They understand that reaching out isn’t weakness—it’s strategy.

When things get hard, they call a friend. They talk to a mentor. They seek professional help if needed. They’re willing to be vulnerable about struggling.

This doesn’t mean they constantly unload on everyone around them. It means they’ve built a support network and they’re willing to activate it when necessary.

They also know how to ask for specific help: “I’m dealing with X and I could use your perspective on Y.” Not vague requests that put the burden on others to figure out what they need.

The myth of the lone wolf who needs no one is just that—a myth. Real strength includes knowing when to lean on others.

5) They break overwhelming problems into smaller, actionable steps

Mentally tough people don’t try to solve everything at once.

When faced with a massive, overwhelming challenge, they break it down. What’s the smallest next step? What’s one thing that can be done today?

This serves two purposes: it makes the problem feel more manageable, and it creates momentum through action.

Sitting with a huge problem in its entirety is paralyzing. You can’t see how to solve it, so you do nothing. But breaking it into pieces reveals entry points—small actions that move you forward.

And action, even small action, is psychologically powerful. It counters the helplessness that difficult situations can create. It reminds you that you have agency.

I use this approach constantly in my work. A major project seems impossible until it’s broken into phases. A business challenge seems insurmountable until it’s broken into decisions and actions.

Mentally tough people are masters of practical problem decomposition. They don’t just feel their way through difficulties—they think their way through, step by step.

6) They practice self-compassion without self-pity

This is a delicate balance, but mentally tough people navigate it skillfully.

They’re kind to themselves during difficult times. They acknowledge that struggling is hard. They don’t beat themselves up for not being perfect under pressure.

“This is really difficult, and it makes sense that I’m struggling” is a valid statement.

But they don’t wallow. They don’t let self-compassion become an excuse for giving up or staying stuck.

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a good friend who’s going through something hard. But it doesn’t mean abandoning all expectations or effort.

It’s the difference between “This is hard, and it’s okay to find it hard” versus “This is hard, so I can’t be expected to do anything about it.”

Mentally tough people give themselves grace while still showing up. They rest when they need to, but they don’t quit.

Through my exploration of Buddhist philosophy and mindfulness, I’ve learned that this balance is at the heart of resilient living. Compassion without wisdom enables avoidance. Wisdom without compassion creates burnout.

7) They look for what they can learn from the situation

Mentally tough people have a particular mindset shift during difficulties.

While they’re in it, they’re focused on getting through it. But they’re also asking: “What is this teaching me? What can I learn from this experience?”

Not in a toxic positivity way—not pretending that everything happens for a reason or that hardship is actually a gift.

But in a practical way: this difficulty is revealing something. Maybe a gap in my skills. Maybe a pattern I keep repeating. Maybe something about who I am under pressure.

They extract value from painful experiences by treating them as data rather than just suffering to endure.

This doesn’t make the difficulty less difficult. But it does prevent it from being purely destructive. If you can learn from something, it has meaning beyond just pain.

Running businesses, I’ve faced setbacks that felt crushing at the time. The mentally tough response wasn’t to just push through gritted teeth. It was to ask: “What is this failure showing me? What needs to change?”

Some of my most important growth has come from my biggest difficulties—but only because I was willing to learn from them rather than just survive them.

8) They maintain perspective by zooming out

When you’re in the middle of a crisis, it’s easy to lose perspective.

This feels like everything. This problem feels permanent. This difficulty defines your entire existence.

Mentally tough people practice zooming out.

They ask questions like: “Will this matter in five years? In ten? What will I remember about this period?”

They remind themselves of previous difficulties they’ve weathered. “I felt like I wouldn’t get through that either, and I did.”

They place their current struggle in the context of their entire life, not just this moment.

This isn’t minimizing the difficulty. It’s preventing the difficulty from consuming all perspective.

Some things genuinely are that significant—losses that will always matter, challenges that fundamentally change your life. But many difficulties that feel enormous in the moment shrink considerably with time and distance.

Mentally tough people remember this even when they’re in the thick of it. They hold both truths: this is hard right now, and it’s not the whole story of my life.

9) They limit exposure to additional stressors

Here’s a behavior that seems obvious but is often overlooked.

When mentally tough people are dealing with something difficult, they become very selective about what else they expose themselves to.

They limit news consumption if current events are adding unnecessary stress. They reduce social media if comparison is making things worse. They decline optional obligations that would drain energy they need elsewhere.

They’re protecting their psychological resources.

During difficult times, you have limited bandwidth. Mentally tough people recognize this and stop adding unnecessary weight to what they’re already carrying.

They’re not avoiding reality—they’re just not volunteering for additional stress while managing something genuinely hard.

This includes being selective about who they spend time with. Energy vampires and drama are always draining, but during difficult times, they’re completely intolerable.

Mentally tough people ruthlessly prioritize their well-being when under pressure. They know this isn’t the time for people-pleasing or unnecessary obligations.

10) They practice gratitude for what remains stable

Even during the hardest times, something is usually still okay.

Mentally tough people notice this. Not as toxic positivity or forced silver linings, but as genuine acknowledgment of what hasn’t fallen apart.

When one area of life is in crisis, they notice that other areas are holding steady. When facing a specific problem, they acknowledge what’s still working.

This serves several functions.

First, it’s psychologically stabilizing. Noticing what’s okay prevents the feeling that everything is collapsing, which can spiral into hopelessness.

Second, it reveals resources. The parts of your life that are stable might offer support for navigating the parts that aren’t.

Third, it builds resilience. Research shows that people who can notice positive elements even during difficulties recover faster and more completely.

In Hidden Secrets of Buddhism, I discuss how mindfulness practices train exactly this capacity—the ability to notice what’s present, not just what’s wrong. This doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It means seeing the complete picture, which includes both difficulties and resources.

Mentally tough people don’t only focus on gratitude during difficult times, but they definitely don’t abandon it. It becomes a tool for maintaining psychological balance when things are off-kilter.

Mental toughness is a practice, not a trait

Here’s something crucial to understand: mentally tough people aren’t born that way.

They’ve developed these behaviors through practice, often through facing difficulties that forced them to learn these skills.

Which means you can develop them too.

Mental toughness isn’t a fixed personality trait that some people have and others don’t. It’s a set of learnable behaviors that you can practice and strengthen over time.

You don’t need to implement all ten of these behaviors perfectly during your next difficulty. Start with one or two that resonate most.

Maybe you begin by breaking overwhelming problems into smaller steps. Maybe you commit to maintaining one key routine even when things get chaotic. Maybe you practice reaching out for support instead of isolating.

Each time you choose one of these behaviors during a difficult moment, you’re building mental toughness. You’re training yourself to respond to hardship in ways that serve you rather than compound your suffering.

Over time, these responses become more automatic. What once required conscious effort becomes your natural way of handling challenges.

That’s what mental toughness actually is: not the absence of struggle, but the presence of effective strategies for navigating it.

Difficult times will come. That’s guaranteed. What’s not guaranteed is how you’ll respond to them.

These ten behaviors give you options beyond just enduring or collapsing. They offer a path through difficulty that doesn’t just help you survive—it helps you emerge stronger.

And that makes all the difference.