Relationships are tricky, and in recent years, there’s been a noticeable increase in what we call circular relationships. Going back and forth with the same person, breaking up only to get back together again – like a circle with no end in sight.

The reasons behind the rise in these roundabout relationships are many, and believe me, they’re as fascinating as they are complex.

In this ‘rollercoaster of feelings’ article titled ‘8 reasons for the rise in circular relationships’, we’re going to crack down on the fundamentals and maybe even flip your perception of relationships a bit.

So buckle up, and get ready to explore the loop of love.

1) Fear of the unknown

Breakups are rough, and entering a new relationship is by no means an easy task. It often feels like jumping into an unknown sea.

So, in a way, it’s kind of comforting to stick to what’s familiar, isn’t it?

No surprises, no fear of the unknown – the comfort level with the ex is already there, making it easier to fall back into old patterns.

The spiral doesn’t stop there. This fear fuels circular relationships. It prompts many of us to return to past relationships, irrespective of compatibility or happiness.

Now, I’m not championing for anyone to be stuck in this wheel of on-off relationships. But hey, understanding the reasons gives us more control over the cycle, right?

Therefore, we can’t overlook the role of fear of the unknown in why people often revive relationships that perhaps should remain a thing of the past.

Stepping out of the comfort zone is scary. But sometimes, it might just be the first step towards breaking the cycle.

Remember – moving on is often the healthier choice, even if it scares the living daylight out of us.

2) Incomplete closure

Let me tell you a story from my personal experience to underline this one.

A few years back, I found myself tangled in a continuous loop with my college sweetheart. We’d break up, go our separate ways, only to reconnect after a few months. Each time we would get back together, it was as if we were picking up right where we left off.

It was only when we had a long, hard conversation and sorted through all the unresolved issues that we were able to make a clean break. That conversation provided closure that was much-needed but was long being ignored.

Many circular relationships thrive on the ‘what if’ and ‘if only’. If those loose ends were tied up, the relationship is given a proper goodbye, the loop can be broken. Incomplete closure often acts as the gravity, always pulling you back into the orbit of the past relationship.

Getting closure is never easy, but it’s necessary. It means acknowledging and addressing all the lingering feelings and problems without ignoring them or sweeping them under the rug. That honest conversation helped me step away from the past and finally move forward.

Trust me, from personal experience, closing that previous chapter can provide the clarity needed to start afresh and stop the loop.

3) Neurological wiring

Have you ever heard about the Zeigarnik Effect? It’s a psychological observation that we remember uncompleted tasks more than we remember completed ones. This is not just limited to tasks; it goes for relationships too.

Our brains have a built-in sense of incompletion which makes us remember the things left unfinished. Past relationships, particularly those lacking closure, often fall into this category. We might find ourselves going round in circles for the sheer neurological impulse to complete what’s left unfinished.

That’s not all. When we repeatedly return to someone, our brain sees it as a habit. Breaking habits can be hard. This is why part of the struggle in ending circular relationships is actually about breaking that neural path and forming a new one.

Neuroscience gives us an interesting window into understanding why we sometimes get stuck circling back around to past relationships.

4) Emotional dependency

Emotional dependency plays a significant role in the rise of circular relationships. When two people invest a good amount of time and energy into each other, they create a mutual dependency. It’s like an invisible emotional bond that keeps pulling you back.

Sure, this bond can be a beautiful thing holding two people together through thick and thin. But sometimes, it turns into a kind of emotional crutch, where you’re leaning into each other, not out of love but out of dependency.

When a relationship ends, coping with the emotional void that follows can be challenging. It’s this hard-to-fill void that often lures people back into the arms of their ex, even if they know it might not be the best decision.

In the end, it’s important to remember that dependency isn’t necessarily love. And although the line is often blurred, discerning between the two can save you from an endless loop of heartache.

5) Hope for change

Hope – it’s as humbling as it’s powerful.

It has the capacity to turn things around, to foster new life into things that are otherwise seen as done and dusted. And sometimes, it also leads us back into the arms of past love in the hope for renewed commitment, for a happier ending this time around.

Often, we believe in the potential of our partners. We see their ability to change, for the relationship to bloom again. And it’s this optimism, this deep-rooted hope that fuels circular relationships. It’s like, we’re waiting for the day when everything falls into place just like we envisioned.

But love isn’t about changing them, or hoping they’ll turn into someone they’re not. It’s about embracing them, flaws and all.

So before falling into the loop, we must ask ourselves – are we clinging onto actual possibilities or are we simply caught up in a hopeful illusion?

Hope is beautiful. But when it blinds us from reality, it can land us in a seemingly never-ending circuit of ‘makeup and breakup’. The key is to strike a balance between optimism and reality, which can sometimes be one of the hardest, yet most influential lessons of love.

6) Shared history

There was a time when ‘goodbye’ was synonymous with unbearable sadness. It was a painful reminder of all the shared moments, special occasions, late-night conversations, inside jokes, that irreplaceable comfort – everything that once was.

Breaking up always felt like saying goodbye to our shared history. The thought of letting go of those cherished memories was hard enough. But imagining leaving them behind for someone else to overwrite seemed impossible.

This lingering connection to past moments can often fuel circular relationships. We find ourselves caught in a whirlpool of memories, unwillingly bound by a shared history that’s taxing to let go of.

Experience has taught me, however, that memories need not be forgotten nor regretted, but they should be respected as part of the past. They’re not anchors, but stepping stones that guide us into the future.

Sometimes, acknowledging the past while focusing on moving forward can be the key to breaking free from the relationship loop.

7) Sense of security

There’s something inherently comforting about the familiar, isn’t there? It’s as if we’ve cracked a code, mapped an unchartered territory, or simply mastered a recipe. Knowing the ins and outs, the quirks and the nuances can provide a sense of security. And that’s why old love sometimes feels like a safe harbor.

Circular relationships often provide the same sense of security that the unknown fails to offer. The trust, the rapport, the shared stories – it all forms an invisible safety net that’s hard to walk away from.

But if you find yourself going back for the security and not the love, it’s time to question if the familiar is holding you back from exploring new connections, from stumbling upon a new kind of love.

While the idea of venturing into a new relationship can be daunting, it can also be a stepping stone to finding an even stronger sense of security and happiness. The key – as always – is to ensure that your choice is driven by love and not solely comfort.

8) Unresolved personal issues

Sometimes, the problem isn’t the relationship, but something within us. Yes, the circle may revolve around a relationship, but the relationship might not be the root of the issue.

Unresolved personal issues – be it insecurity, loneliness, fear of change, or a lack of self-love – these can all draw us back into circular relationships. We return to what’s familiar, seeking solace, validation, or an escape from what’s truly bothering us.

Looking inward, dealing with these issues, addressing them instead of diverting them onto a relationship, can often be the turning point. It’s tough, no doubt, but growing through what we’re going through can pave the way to healthier relationships and a healthier you.

Remember, until we alter our inner course, changing external circumstances may not provide the solutions we’re seeking. It’s not always about them. Sometimes, it’s about us.

Final thoughts: The circle isn’t unbreakable

Human emotions and relationships are a labyrinthine world of beautiful complexities. These complexities often lead us back to the arms of past relationships, causing circular interactions – a bittersweet voyage of love, heartbreak, reunion, and sometimes, further disruption.

Whether it’s fear of the unknown, incomplete closure, or our neurological habits, each of these 8 reasons offers an insight into why circular relationships are on the rise.

Yet, it’s important to realize – life isn’t meant to be lived in loops, and love doesn’t demand unending circles. Even the most complicated patterns can be untangled and the toughest cycles can be broken.

There’s a quote by American author Steve Maraboli which feels fitting here: “Unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

In the end, it’s all about learning from the past, understanding our narratives, and most importantly, making a conscious choice to step towards a more fulfilling future.

May we find the strength to accept, to heal, and when it’s right, to embrace the magic of new beginnings.