Navigating conversations with people we don’t know well can be like walking a tightrope. One wrong step or wrong phrase can send the wrong impression spiraling down. It’s all about striking that balance between being open and friendly, without crossing over into the realm of being overly personal or offensive.

So, what not to say to people you don’t know very well? Here’s a little introduction to an article that will help you steer clear of conversation landmines. In a more casual and friendly manner, I’ll share some phrases you might want to avoid when dealing with acquaintances, new colleagues, or just about anyone you’re not quite familiar with.

1) Personal questions off the bat

Diving into personal territory right away can be a conversation minefield when talking to someone you don’t know well.

While it’s natural to want to know more about the person, asking deeply personal questions straight up can be seen as intrusive and off-putting. This includes queries about their relationship status, income level, or family history.

People usually prefer to share such details once they feel comfortable with you. Jumping the gun can make them feel cornered and defensive, which isn’t the best way to build rapport.

So, next time you’re chatting with someone new, stick to lighter topics at first. Things like their interests, hobbies, or favorite travel destinations are usually safe bets. And remember, it’s not just about what you ask, but also how you ask it.

2) My way or the highway

No one likes a conversation monopolizer, especially when you’re just getting to know them.

I remember meeting this person at a social event some time ago. The moment we started conversing, they launched into a detailed account of their preferred diet and fitness regime. They were so assertive about it, stating things like “you really should be eating this” or “you need to try my workout plan”.

It was off-putting, to say the least. Instead of engaging in a balanced dialogue, I felt like I was being lectured. Their adamant insistence on their approach being the best made me less inclined to share my thoughts.

So, lesson learned: It’s okay to share your preferences and experiences, but refrain from imposing them on others. Be open to their perspectives too. After all, a conversation is a two-way street.

3) Politics and religion

In a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, it was found that around 34% of people prefer to avoid discussing politics, especially with people they don’t know well. Similarly, religious discussions can also be a touchy subject for many.

While these topics can certainly lead to insightful discussions, they are often loaded with personal beliefs and strong emotions. If you’re not careful, what started as a casual conversation could quickly turn into a heated debate.

When you’re just getting to know someone, it’s usually safer to steer clear of such potentially divisive topics. Instead, focus on building a connection through shared interests or experiences.

4) Negative comments

We’ve all been there. You’re trying to make conversation with someone new and in an attempt to keep the conversation flowing, you throw in a negative comment about a common subject. Maybe it’s a mutual acquaintance, the weather, or even the event you’re both attending.

While it might seem like a quick way to bond, it can actually leave a sour impression. Negativity, even if it’s aimed at something external, can reflect poorly on you. It might lead the other person to think that you’re a pessimist or a gossip.

Instead, aim for positivity or neutral observations. Complimenting something or showing appreciation can be a great way to keep the conversation going without resorting to negativity.

5) Dismissive responses

When we engage in conversation, it’s not just about the words we speak. It’s also about how we respond to what others share with us. I’ve found that dismissive responses can be one of the most harmful things you can say to someone you don’t know very well.

Imagine this scenario: Someone is sharing their passion for a hobby, like painting or bird-watching. Responding with something like “Oh, I’ve never seen the point in that,” or “That sounds boring,” can feel like a personal attack.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone has unique interests and experiences. Being dismissive of what brings someone else joy can make them feel belittled and undervalued. Instead, even if you don’t share their interest, try to show curiosity or at least respect for their passion. A simple “That’s interesting, tell me more about it,” could make all the difference.

6) Unwanted advice

There was a time when I was going through a challenging phase at work. In a conversation with an acquaintance, I ended up sharing some of my struggles. Their immediate response was to bombard me with advice on what they thought I should do.

While their intention might have been to help, the unsolicited advice felt overwhelming and a bit presumptuous. They didn’t know the full context of my situation or my personal approach to problem-solving.

So, if someone confides in you, especially if you don’t know them very well, it’s often better to listen and empathize rather than jumping in with solutions. Providing advice is most appreciated when it’s asked for.

7) One-upping stories

You know how it goes. Someone shares a story or experience, and the immediate response is a tale that’s intended to top the original one. It’s a common conversation pitfall, and one that can quickly turn people off.

The thing is, when someone shares something with you, they’re not necessarily looking for you to share a bigger, better, or more exciting story. They’re often seeking empathy, understanding, or just a listening ear.

So instead of trying to one-up their story, try responding with genuine interest and acknowledgement. A simple “Wow, that must have been quite an experience!” can go a long way in keeping the conversation pleasant and respectful.

8) Anything you wouldn’t want to be asked or told

At the end of the day, the golden rule of conversation is quite simple: don’t say anything to someone else that you wouldn’t want to be asked or told yourself. This rule creates a baseline of respect and thoughtfulness in any interaction, especially with those you don’t know well.

Whether it’s a personal question, a potentially offensive joke, or an unsolicited piece of advice, if you wouldn’t appreciate it being directed at you, it’s best to steer clear from directing it at someone else. Guided by this principle, your conversations are more likely to build bridges rather than walls.

Summing it up: It’s about respect

Navigating conversations, especially with people we don’t know very well, is an art in itself. It requires a delicate balance of curiosity, empathy, discretion, and respect.

Renowned communication expert George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” This sentiment rings particularly true when we step on conversational landmines without realizing it.

In essence, the phrases and topics to avoid are those that encroach upon personal boundaries, display a lack of empathy or impose our viewpoints.

As we converse and connect with others, let’s strive to ensure our words reflect the respect and consideration we’d want in return. After all, every conversation is an opportunity not just to speak, but to learn, understand and build meaningful relationships.