There’s a significant distinction between reacting and responding, especially when someone disrespects you.

Reacting often implies you’re being controlled by external factors. Responding, on the other hand, means you’re choosing how to act based on your emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent people understand this distinction well. They know the right things to do when disrespected – not in a reactive, knee-jerk way, but in a calm and thoughtful response.

In this article, we’ll explore what emotionally intelligent people do when they feel disrespected. And trust me, their responses are worth emulating.

1) They stay calm

Emotionally intelligent people understand the importance of staying calm in the face of disrespect.

Let’s face it – it’s easy to lash out when someone hits below the belt. The immediate response might be to retaliate, to match insult with insult. But emotionally intelligent people know better.

They recognize that anger often leads to poor decision making and can escalate an already tense situation. So instead, they choose to remain calm, composed, and in control. They take a step back, allow their emotions to settle, and then respond in a measured way.

This approach doesn’t mean they’re letting the offender off the hook. Rather, it means they’re choosing not to let someone else’s disrespect dictate their behavior. They’re choosing to respond rather than react, and that makes a world of difference.

Remember, staying calm under fire isn’t just about biting your tongue. It’s about maintaining control over your emotions and actions in order to effectively address the disrespect in a thoughtful and productive way. And that, my friends, is emotional intelligence at its finest.

2) They set boundaries

Setting boundaries is something I learned the hard way. As an emotionally intelligent person, I’ve found that it’s crucial to establish clear limits when it comes to respect.

I remember a time when a colleague of mine would consistently belittle my ideas during meetings. It was subtle, but it was there – a sarcastic comment here, a dismissive laugh there. It bothered me, but I tried to ignore it, thinking it would eventually stop. But it didn’t.

Finally, after a particularly harsh meeting, I decided to address the issue. I approached my colleague privately and calmly explained how his comments were impacting me. I wasn’t confrontational or aggressive; instead, I expressed my feelings and set a boundary.

I said something along the lines of, “I value your input and believe that we can achieve more through constructive criticism rather than dismissing each other’s ideas. Can we agree on this moving forward?”

He was taken aback but acknowledged my concern and agreed to change his approach. Ever since then, our working relationship improved significantly.

The lesson here? Emotionally intelligent people don’t allow themselves to be disrespected continually. They know their worth and aren’t afraid to assert themselves when necessary. They set clear boundaries that define what they will and won’t tolerate. And most importantly, they do so in a respectful and dignified way.

3) They practice empathy

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just focus on their own feelings when they’re disrespected – they also try to understand where the other person is coming from.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, to understand their perspective and feelings. It’s a vital skill for emotional intelligence, and it can be particularly helpful when dealing with disrespect.

Consider this: according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people are more likely to lash out and behave disrespectfully when they feel threatened or insecure.

So instead of immediately taking offense, emotionally intelligent people consider that the person who’s disrespecting them might be acting out because of their own issues. This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it does provide some context that can help defuse the situation.

They understand that often, it’s not about them. It’s about the other person. And this understanding can make it easier to respond in a way that’s constructive rather than confrontational.

4) They choose their battles

One of the things emotionally intelligent people do when they’re disrespected is to decide whether the situation is worth engaging in or not.

Not every act of disrespect deserves a response. Sometimes, it’s simply not worth the energy or the potential conflict. Other times, it’s more beneficial to address the issue head-on.

This discernment is a hallmark of emotional intelligence. It involves assessing the situation, weighing the potential outcomes, and deciding on the best course of action.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that not all battles are worth fighting. They know when to stand their ground, and when to let things slide. And this ability to choose their battles wisely not only saves them from unnecessary stress but also helps maintain their self-respect and dignity.

5) They forgive, but they don’t forget

One of the most powerful things emotionally intelligent people do when they’re disrespected is to forgive. But this isn’t about letting the offender off the hook or pretending the disrespect never happened. It’s about releasing the negative energy that holding onto resentment can create.

Forgiveness is a gift they give to themselves. It’s a way to maintain their emotional health and prevent bitterness from taking root. But while they might forgive, they also remember.

Remembering isn’t about holding a grudge. It’s about learning from the experience and using it as a guide for future interactions. It’s about understanding that respect is fundamental in any relationship, and those who continuously disrespect them may not deserve a place in their lives.

In essence, emotionally intelligent people understand that forgiveness is about moving forward, but remembering is about setting boundaries and protecting themselves in the future.

6) They seek support when needed

No matter how emotionally intelligent we are, dealing with disrespect can be tough. And sometimes, it takes more than strength and resilience – it takes the courage to ask for help.

I recall a time when a close friend started treating me disrespectfully. It was subtle at first, but then it became more apparent and frequent. I tried addressing the issue, setting boundaries, even forgiving and trying to understand her perspective. But nothing changed.

Finally, I decided to seek support. I began seeing a counselor who helped me navigate the situation and understand that it wasn’t my responsibility to change her behavior. This was a turning point for me – realizing that seeking help wasn’t a sign of weakness but an act of self-care.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that it’s okay to seek support when dealing with disrespect or any challenging situation. It doesn’t make them any less capable or resilient; instead, it shows their willingness to take care of themselves and their mental well-being.

7) They focus on self-care

Disrespect can take a toll on our emotional well-being, and emotionally intelligent people understand this. That’s why when they face disrespect, they make sure to prioritize self-care.

Self-care encompasses a variety of activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This could be anything from taking a peaceful walk in nature to meditating, reading a good book, or spending time with loved ones.

By focusing on self-care, emotionally intelligent people ensure they’re in a better position to handle disrespect when it comes their way. They maintain their emotional balance and refuse to let negativity drain their energy or peace of mind.

They understand that taking care of themselves is not a luxury but a necessity, especially when dealing with challenging situations like disrespect. So they make it a priority, and it empowers them to respond to disrespect in the most effective and emotionally intelligent way possible.

8) They maintain their self-respect

Above all, when faced with disrespect, emotionally intelligent people never lose sight of their self-respect. They understand that the way others treat them is a reflection of the other person’s character, not their worth.

They refuse to let anyone else’s disrespect define them or shake their confidence. They stay grounded in their values and maintain their integrity, even in the face of disrespect.

Emotionally intelligent people know that they cannot control how others behave, but they can control how they respond. And they choose to respond in a way that upholds their dignity and self-respect. Because at the end of the day, respecting oneself is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness

At the heart of emotional intelligence lies a profound sense of self-awareness.

This self-awareness gives emotionally intelligent people the ability to deal with disrespect in a non-reactive, thoughtful, and empowering way. It’s what enables them to stay calm under pressure, set boundaries, practice empathy, choose their battles wisely, forgive without forgetting, seek support when necessary, prioritize self-care, and maintain their self-respect.

Research by psychologist and author Daniel Goleman suggests that emotional intelligence can be as critical as IQ in determining life success. And how we handle disrespect is just one facet of this complex and fascinating aspect of human behavior.

When we face disrespect, it’s an opportunity for us to tap into our emotional intelligence. It’s a chance for us to grow and learn, to strengthen our resilience, and to further develop our self-awareness.

So next time you’re confronted with disrespect, remember these strategies. Take a deep breath, tap into your emotional intelligence, and respond in a way that upholds your dignity and self-respect. Because in the grand scheme of things, how we respond to disrespect says more about us than it does about the person who disrespected us.