Letting go of an unjust hurt is like mastering a complicated dance. Too often, we tie our healing to the apology we never received.

But, when ‘I’m sorry’ never comes, how do you move on?

I’d argue that there is an art to finding peace within yourself, even without an apology. It’s not about forgiving and forgetting, but rather accepting and progressing.

In this article, “The Art of Moving on When You Never Got the Apology You Deserved”, I’ll talk about how you can gracefully sidestep a withheld apology and continue on with your life.

1) Acceptance is the first step

Moving on from unaddressed wrongs begins with acceptance. No, not acceptance of the wrongdoing, but acceptance that the apology you yearned for, may never come.

The reality is, we can’t control others’ actions, only our reactions. And waiting indefinitely for an apology is like watering a plant that’s long stopped growing. It’s wasted energy.

It’s tough, but it’s necessary. Acknowledge that the apology you deserved might not materialize.

This doesn’t justify what was done to you. But it’s a crucial initial move in the dance towards finding peace with the situation. The path to a healthier mental space starts with relinquishing the hope for an apology that may never come.

Once we accept this, we’re better positioned to navigate through the stages of healing and ultimately, moving on.

2) A personal lesson in restraint

I learned the hardest lesson in letting go the year my best friend just disappeared from my life. Out of nowhere, no explanation, no apology. I felt frustrated, confused and hurt beyond words.

I waited for closure. I waited for an ‘I’m sorry’ that would never come. And the more I waited, the more I found myself trapped in an emotion-filled abyss. It was affecting my mental health, my relationships, and my overall sense of happiness.

The breakthrough for me was realizing that I didn’t need her apology to move forward. What I needed was to make peace with myself and the situation. I had to learn to give myself the closure I needed.

By doing this, I honed the skill of deriving my sense of peace from within, rather than from others – a lesson that has served me well in many aspects of life. Interestingly, this not only left me stronger, but contributed to my maturity in dealing with similar situations now.

Your personal breakthrough might look different from mine. Find what works for you and use it to your advantage.

3) Psychology suggests a different approach

According to a psychological study conducted at the University of Massachusetts, harboring feelings of anger and resentment can negatively affect the immune system. The continual release of stress hormones can wreak havoc on your physical health over time.

It points towards one thing; grudges aren’t just damaging to your mental well-being, but can actually harm you physically.

Now consider this: the person who wronged you might be completely unaffected, shining a light on the futility of holding onto resentment.

In essence, by refusing to surrender the need for an apology, you may be causing more harm to yourself than to the other person. Opt for self-preservation, choose to prioritize your personal well-being, and start the journey of moving on.

4) Give yourself permission to grieve

Just like any loss, the lack of an expected apology causes emotional pain and needs its own grieving process. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss when something you anticipated, like an apology, doesn’t materialize.

It’s okay to feel sad, upset, and even angry. These feelings are valid and they should not be brushed under the rug. Give yourself permission to grieve what didn’t happen. Let yourself feel it all, instead of burying your emotions deep within.

But remember, grieving is a process, not a destination. The goal is not to remain in the sadness, but to journey through it. We must remember to not wallow.

Once you’ve let yourself feel, start pushing back towards finding your equilibrium again. It’s a delicate dance to balance grieving and moving on, but with time, it becomes possible.

5) Weight of the world on your shoulders

At times, carrying the pain of unresolved matters can be like an invisible backpack of stones on your shoulders. You haul around this immense weight without even realizing the toll it takes on your emotional stamina.

Layers of unsaid words, unexpressed emotions, and unapologized wrongs build up until it becomes an unbearable burden. But remember, this backpack isn’t strapped on you permanently.

Just imagine how light you’d feel if you could set the backpack down and leave it behind. It’s not easy to undo the straps and it’ll take some effort. But little by little, you’ll notice a difference – a lost weight, a spring in your step, an eased mental state.

Moving on without an apology is essentially setting down this weight, allowing you to breathe more easily and walk more freely. It’s an act of liberation from the chains of the past, towards a future that belongs solely to you.

6) The trickiest dance move

I remember staring at my reflection in the mirror one evening after a particularly raw day of waiting for an apology that was not coming. My wearied face was a glaring reminder of the frustrations I subjected myself to in the name of something I couldn’t control.

Practicing what I preach, I had always been an advocate of not giving power to those who hurt you. But, here I was, letting someone else’s lack of remorse affect my peace.

It was then I decided to embrace what I consider one of the trickiest dance moves in this art of moving on — self-compassion. I had spent so much energy on expecting compassion from someone else that I overlooked the comfort I could provide to myself.

The dance move of self-compassion requires less of a sharp technique, and more of a gentle grace. It’s the understanding whisper of “It’s okay. You did your best” rather than the harsh echo of “You should have done better.”

Since then, I’ve found the dance smoother and the steps lighter, and I’ve not missed a chance to share this secret move with anyone learning the art of moving on. It’s a move I hope you find the strength and courage to try. Trust me, it can change the dance entirely.

7) The importance of closure

Closure is a significant part of healing and moving on. But it’s equally important to understand that closure doesn’t always come in the form you expect or desire. Sometimes, it never comes at all.

As much as we wish for them, not all stories end neatly with apologies and reconciliations. This doesn’t mean that the door remains forever ajar, with the draft chilling your peace. Instead, it merely means that the door might need to be shut from your side.

In creating your own closure, you take control away from what happened or didn’t happen, and place it firmly in your own hands. It’s a liberating step in the process; one that allows you to put a definitive end to the chapter.

Remember, closure is not a gift to be received, but a resolution that can be self-achieved. And with it, you can confidently say, “It’s time to move on” and truly mean it.

8) You are your own hero

Finally, recognize that you are the hero of your story, the primary dancer in your life. You might not control the music, or every move of others on your dance floor, but you control how you dance.

So, dance to your rhythm, at your pace.

In the dance of life, sometimes the most powerful move is not a grand twirl or a high leap, but a quiet step forward, on your own terms, without waiting for a cue from someone else.

All that matters is that you’re moving. Ahead. Towards the new and away from what held you back. With or without an apology.

In conclusion: It’s a dance of self-love

As we whirl around on the dance floor of life, it’s important to remember that moving on doesn’t always require a formal apology. It requires courage, acceptance, and most importantly, undying self-love.

Author and philosopher Shannon L. Alder once said, “An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.” But remember, even superglue can’t fix everything. Some sentiments are self-healed, reclaimed slowly, one dance step at a time.

Consider this journey of moving on without an apology as your own personal dance. A beautiful performance that serves as a testament of your strength, resilience, and the undeniable power of self-love.

Remember, not all music must end on a perfect note to be a symphony. It might not be easy. It might not always follow the beat you imagined. But through it all, you’ll discover moves you never knew you had and find strength in steps you never imagined you could make.

Take a bow, brave dancer. Your performance is uniquely yours. It’s the dance of your life, and every step, even those taken without an apology, counts towards your final, triumphant bow. And while it’s important to remember the dance, it’s more important to remember why you danced and how gracefully you moved, notwithstanding the missed apology.