We’ve all seen them: those rare individuals who manage to stay calm and composed during the heat of conflict. It’s not that they’re emotionally detached or don’t care about the issue at hand; they just seem to have a deep understanding of human nature that lets them navigate tricky situations with grace.

This understanding doesn’t mean they’re born peacemakers, but it suggests that they’ve grasped some fundamental truths about people and how they react under pressure. In this article, I’ll share with you eight insights that calm individuals usually understand about human nature during conflict. These insights will not only help you stay composed in a fight but also enable you to effectively manage and resolve contentious situations. So, let’s dive in.

1) Emotions are contagious

One of the key things that people who stay calm during conflict understand is the contagion of emotions.

Have you ever noticed how being around someone who’s stressed can make you feel stressed too? That’s because emotions, both positive and negative, can spread like a virus.

This concept is known as ’emotional contagion’, a term coined by psychologists. It explains how we naturally tend to mimic and synchronize our emotions with those of the people around us.

People who stay calm during conflict are aware of this phenomenon. They understand that if they display calmness and composure, it can influence others in the conflict to also remain calm.

This understanding helps them to manage their own emotional responses effectively, preventing the situation from escalating out of control. Remember, staying calm doesn’t mean you’re indifferent; it means you’re in control of your emotions and can therefore respond rather than react during a conflict.

2) Everyone has their own perspective

Another thing that individuals who are calm during conflict comprehend is that everyone sees the world through their own lens.

In my own experiences, I’ve found this understanding to be invaluable. I recall a situation at work where a colleague and I had a disagreement over how to handle a project. The tension was mounting, and both of us felt strongly about our viewpoints.

Instead of getting defensive, I took a step back and tried to see things from his perspective. I remembered that his background and experiences were different from mine, which meant his approach to the project would naturally be different too.

Realizing this didn’t necessarily mean agreeing with his point of view, but it allowed me to approach the conflict with empathy and understanding. This perspective shift didn’t just defuse the tension; it opened up a constructive dialogue where we could find common ground and work towards a solution.

Understanding that everyone has their own unique perspective can help us respond calmly and effectively during conflicts. It reminds us that disagreements aren’t always personal attacks, but often just differing viewpoints colliding.

3) Listening is more powerful than speaking

When conflict arises, our natural inclination might be to make our point heard, to ensure our perspective is understood. But those who maintain composure during these tense situations understand something crucial: the power of listening.

An intriguing study by the Harvard Business Review found that good listeners are not just passive recipients of information. Instead, they engage in what’s called “supportive listening” – they occasionally reflect on what’s being said, ask questions, and promote a safe space for open dialogue.

By actively listening, these individuals show respect for the other person’s viewpoint and create a more conducive environment for resolution. The act of listening doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with the other person, but it does mean valuing their right to express their opinions.

People who stay calm during conflict know that sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. Instead, they let their attentive silence do the talking.

4) Conflict isn’t inherently bad

It’s an easy trap to fall into – viewing conflict as a sign of failure or dysfunction. But those who keep their cool amidst disagreements understand that conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it can often be a catalyst for growth and change.

Conflict can bring underlying issues to the surface, allowing them to be addressed and resolved. It can also foster creativity, as different points of view can lead to innovative solutions that wouldn’t have been considered otherwise.

This understanding doesn’t make conflict comfortable, but it does change how one approaches it. Instead of seeing it as a threat to harmony, calm individuals view conflict as an opportunity for improvement and evolution.

The key is in how the conflict is handled – approaching it with respect, openness and a willingness to find common ground can turn a potential crisis into a moment of growth.

5) Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about

There’s a well-known saying that goes, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” This sentiment is deeply understood by those who remain calm during conflict.

In the heat of disagreement, it’s easy to forget that the person on the other side has their own struggles, fears, and insecurities. They may be dealing with personal issues that are influencing their behavior in ways we can’t see.

People who stay calm during conflict keep this in mind. They approach others with empathy and kindness, recognizing that their reactions may be driven by factors outside of the current situation.

This doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it does provide a crucial perspective. It helps to prevent personal attacks and promotes understanding and compassion in the midst of disagreement.

Remembering this can help us approach conflicts with more patience and less judgment, ultimately leading to more productive and empathetic resolutions.

6) Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong

In one of my more challenging conflicts, I learned a valuable lesson – saying sorry doesn’t necessarily mean admitting you’re wrong. It means valuing the relationship more than your ego.

During an intense disagreement with a close friend, I found myself at an impasse. Neither of us was willing to back down, and our friendship was at stake. While I believed that I had valid points, I realized what mattered more was the bond we shared.

So, I took the first step and apologized. Not because I felt I was in the wrong, but because I wanted to bridge the gap that had formed between us. My apology wasn’t an admission of guilt; it was an expression of my desire to mend our friendship.

People who manage to stay calm during conflict often understand this subtle distinction. They know that an apology can be a powerful tool in conflict resolution, even when they believe their stance is justified. It’s not about proving a point, but about preserving relationships and fostering understanding.

7) Patience truly is a virtue

In the heat of conflict, tempers can flare and words can be spoken in haste. Those who manage to remain calm in these situations understand the importance of patience.

Patience allows us to take a step back, breathe, and assess the situation objectively. It gives us the space to think before we speak, preventing us from saying something we might later regret.

Moreover, patience shows respect for the other person involved in the conflict. It communicates that we value their opinion and are willing to take the time to understand their point of view.

People who stay calm during conflict know that patience isn’t about being passive or submissive. It’s about exercising control over our immediate reactions, allowing for thoughtful responses that can lead to productive resolution.

8) Respect is non-negotiable

At the heart of every conflict resolution, one principle stands non-negotiable: respect. Those who manage to stay calm during conflict understand this deeply.

No matter how heated a disagreement may get, respecting the other person’s feelings, thoughts, and opinions is paramount. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them; rather, it’s about acknowledging their right to have their own viewpoint.

Disrespect, on the other hand, can escalate conflicts and damage relationships. People who stay calm during conflict know that by maintaining respect for the other person, they create a safe space where open, honest communication can occur, and resolution is possible.

Final thoughts: It’s about empathy

At the heart of these insights lies a common thread: empathy. This ability to understand and share the feelings of others is often what allows individuals to remain calm during conflict.

Empathy isn’t about agreeing with everyone or avoiding confrontation. Instead, it’s about truly understanding where the other person is coming from. This understanding can often lead to resolutions that satisfy all parties involved.

A study from the University of Michigan and the University of Arizona found that empathetic individuals tend to have better conflict resolution skills. They can navigate disagreements better because they can see beyond their own perspective.

So, as we navigate the complexities of human interactions, perhaps the key to maintaining calm in conflict isn’t just about understanding human nature – it’s about embracing empathy as a critical part of our own nature.

Understanding these eight insights about human nature doesn’t guarantee a life free from conflict, but it does provide a toolkit for handling disagreements with grace, respect, and most importantly, calmness. In the end, it’s not just about winning arguments or proving a point; it’s about fostering understanding and strengthening relationships through our shared human experience.