Raising teenagers isn’t easy. One minute they’re looking up to you, and the next, they’re pulling away, trying to figure out life on their own terms.

But if you want your kids to respect you as they grow older, it’s not just about what you teach them—it’s also about how you treat them.

Some habits push them away, even when we don’t realize it. And if we’re not careful, we can damage the trust and connection we’ve worked so hard to build.

Here are seven behaviors to let go of if you want your teenage children to respect you long after they’ve grown up.

 

1) dismissing their feelings

Teenagers feel everything intensely. What might seem small to you can feel like the end of the world to them.

If you constantly brush off their feelings with phrases like “It’s not a big deal” or “You’re overreacting,” they’ll stop coming to you altogether.

Respect goes both ways. If you want them to respect you as they grow older, show them that their emotions matter. Listen, acknowledge, and support—even if you don’t fully understand.

When kids feel heard, they’re much more likely to keep trusting and respecting you over time.

2) always needing to be right

I used to think that, as a parent, I had to have all the answers. If my teenager challenged me, I’d dig in my heels, determined to prove my point.

One day, my son and I got into an argument about something trivial—whether a certain actor was in a movie. I was so sure I was right that I refused to back down. Then he pulled out his phone, looked it up, and—surprise—I was wrong.

Instead of admitting it, I doubled down, saying something like, “Well, that’s not what I remember.” But I could see it in his face—he lost a little respect for me in that moment.

That’s when I realized: always needing to be right doesn’t make you wise; it makes you stubborn. If you want your teenager to respect you as they grow older, be willing to admit when you’re wrong. It shows them that respect isn’t about authority—it’s about honesty.

 

3) criticizing more than praising

Teenagers hear a lot of criticism—at school, from peers, and sometimes even in their own heads. If the majority of what they hear from you is negative, they’ll start tuning you out.

Research shows that for every negative comment, it takes multiple positive ones to balance it out. Our brains are wired to hold onto criticism more than praise, which means if you’re constantly pointing out what they’re doing wrong, that’s what will stick with them.

This doesn’t mean you should avoid correcting them, but make sure you’re also recognizing what they do well. If they feel like they can never meet your standards, they’ll stop trying—and that respect you want to keep as they grow older will start to fade.

 

4) not respecting their privacy

Teenagers are in a stage where they’re figuring out who they are, and part of that means needing space. If you constantly invade their privacy—reading their messages, barging into their room without knocking, or demanding to know every detail of their life—they’ll start pulling away.

Trust is a two-way street. If they feel like you don’t respect their boundaries, they won’t respect yours either. And worse, they’ll stop sharing things with you voluntarily.

Of course, keeping them safe is important, and there are times when you may need to step in. But if you want to maintain their respect as they grow older, show them that you trust them first. When they feel trusted, they’ll be more likely to come to you when it really matters.

 

5) never apologizing

There were times I lost my temper and said things I regretted. Times I made decisions without really listening. Times I reacted unfairly because I was stressed or tired.

And for a long time, I thought that, as a parent, I didn’t need to apologize. I convinced myself that admitting fault would make me look weak or undermine my authority.

But I was wrong. The first time I sincerely said, “I’m sorry, I handled that badly,” something changed. There was a shift—a moment where respect grew instead of diminished.

Teenagers don’t expect perfection, but they do notice hypocrisy. If you hold them accountable for their mistakes but refuse to own up to your own, they’ll see right through it. If you want their respect as they grow older, show them what real accountability looks like.

 

6) making everything a lecture

Teenagers already get lectures from teachers, coaches, and other adults in their lives. If every conversation with you turns into another lesson, they’ll start tuning you out.

It’s tempting to jump in with advice every time they make a mistake or express a problem. But sometimes, they don’t need a lecture—they just need someone to listen.

If you want them to respect you as they grow older, focus more on having real conversations instead of constantly trying to teach them something. When they feel heard instead of preached to, they’ll be much more likely to turn to you for guidance when it really matters.

 

7) demanding respect instead of earning it

You can’t force a teenager to respect you. You can demand obedience, you can set rules, and you can enforce consequences—but none of that guarantees real respect.

Respect isn’t about authority. It’s about how you treat them, how you handle conflict, and whether your words match your actions.

If you want your teenager to respect you as they grow older, show them what respect looks like. Speak to them the way you’d want to be spoken to. Apologize when you’re wrong. Listen when they talk.

Because in the end, they won’t remember every rule you set or every lecture you gave. But they will remember how you made them feel.

 

bottom line: respect is a two-way street

Teenagers don’t just wake up one day and decide whether or not to respect their parents. It’s something that develops over time, shaped by daily interactions, trust, and the way they’re treated.

Psychologists have long emphasized that children learn how to treat others by observing how they are treated themselves. If they grow up in an environment where their thoughts, feelings, and boundaries are valued, they’re far more likely to extend that same respect in return.

As they grow older, your role in their life will shift—but the foundation you build now will determine whether they continue to see you as someone they trust and admire.

Respect isn’t about control. It’s about connection. And the way you nurture that connection today will shape your relationship for years to come.