Raising children to respect you as they grow older can be quite the challenge. It’s a delicate balance that requires more than just authority, love, or providing for them.

Sometimes, it’s not about what you should do, but what you shouldn’t do. There are certain behaviors that can actually undermine your authority and respect in your children’s eyes.

Let me tell you about 8 behaviors you need to wave goodbye to if you want your children to respect you when they get older. This isn’t about manipulation, but about guiding your children in the right direction with respect and understanding. It’s about being the kind of parent your child can look up to even when they’re all grown up.

1) Losing your temper

Parenting isn’t always a walk in the park. There are moments of frustration, irritation, and yes, even anger. But it’s crucial to remember that losing your temper can have a long-lasting impact on your child.

Children are like sponges, absorbing everything they see and hear. When we lose our temper, they absorb that too. They learn that it’s an acceptable way to respond to stress or conflict.

But here’s the thing – it’s not about never getting angry. It’s about how you handle that anger. Shouting, screaming, or losing control isn’t setting a good example for your children.

If you want your children to respect you as they grow older, it’s crucial to model controlled and respectful responses to anger and frustration.

Remember, it’s not just about telling them what is right or wrong. It’s about showing them through your own behavior. And trust me, they are always watching.

2) Breaking promises

I’ll never forget the day I promised my daughter we’d go to the zoo. She was so excited, constantly talking about the animals she’d see. But then work got in the way, urgent calls and emails flooded in, and I had to cancel.

The look of disappointment on her face was heartbreaking. I realized then how much our promises mean to our kids.

Promises to children shouldn’t be taken lightly. When you break a promise, it can damage trust and create feelings of insecurity. They start doubting your words, and this can eventually lead to a lack of respect.

From that day on, I made a rule – if I make a promise, I keep it. No matter how small it seems to me, for my child, it’s a big deal.

Showing consistency between your words and actions is key in earning your child’s respect. So if you want your kids to respect you when they get older, say goodbye to breaking promises.

3) Overreacting

Did you know that the human brain isn’t fully developed until around the age of 25? This means that children and teenagers are still learning how to regulate their emotions.

We, as parents, might find our children’s mistakes, outbursts or rebellious streaks extremely frustrating. But remember, they are still learning and developing.

Overreacting to your child’s mistakes or misbehaviors can make them feel anxious and less likely to come to you with issues in the future. It can also lead them to believe that making mistakes is something to be feared.

If you want your children to respect you as they grow older, it’s essential to respond rather than react. Show understanding, patience and guide them through their errors. It’s about teaching them that making mistakes is not the end of the world but part of the learning journey.

4) Comparing them to others

“Look at how well your cousin is doing in school,” or “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” These phrases might sound familiar. As parents, we sometimes use comparisons as a tool to motivate our children.

However, comparing your child to their siblings or peers isn’t productive. It can breed resentment, damage their self-esteem, and foster a competitive environment that might not be healthy.

Children need to understand that they are valued for who they are, not how they stack up against others. They need to know that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it’s okay not to be perfect in everything.

If you want your children to respect you when they get older, it’s important to celebrate their individuality and avoid unfavorable comparisons. Encourage them to be the best version of themselves, not a copy of someone else.

5) Not listening

As parents, we often get caught up in our role as the guide, the teacher, the protector – so much so that we sometimes forget to simply listen.

Your child might be telling you about their day at school, their favorite new song, or their fears and concerns. While these conversations might seem mundane or trivial to us, they mean the world to them.

Listening to your child shows that you value their thoughts and feelings. It makes them feel seen and heard. It builds a bridge of trust and respect between you and your child.

When we fail to listen, we send a message to our children that their voices don’t matter. That can be incredibly damaging.

If you want your children to respect you when they get older, make sure they know their words are important to you. Be there for them, not just in presence but in attention too. Show them that being heard is a fundamental human right, not a privilege.

6) Being overly critical

Growing up, I remember how my father would always point out the one question I got wrong in a test, rather than the ones I got right. Despite his good intentions, it made me feel like I was never good enough.

As parents, we want the best for our kids. We want them to strive for excellence, to learn from their mistakes. But there’s a fine line between constructive criticism and being overly critical.

Overly criticizing your child can make them feel inadequate and unworthy. It can lead to self-esteem issues and a constant need for external validation.

Instead, try to focus on their efforts and improvements, not just the outcome. Show appreciation for their hard work and let them know it’s okay to make mistakes.

If you want your children to respect you when they get older, say goodbye to being overly critical. Cultivate an environment of understanding, encouragement, and positive reinforcement.

7) Ignoring boundaries

Just like adults, children also have their own personal space and boundaries that need to be respected. Invading their privacy or ignoring their personal boundaries can lead to them feeling disrespected and violated.

Remember, your child is a unique individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs. Respecting their boundaries teaches them that they have a right to personal space and privacy.

For instance, if your child doesn’t want to share something with you, respect that. If they need some alone time in their room, respect that too.

If you want your children to respect you when they get older, it’s essential to recognize and respect their boundaries. This not only fosters mutual respect but also teaches them the importance of respecting others’ boundaries too.

8) Neglecting self-care

As parents, it’s easy to put our children’s needs before our own. But taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Your children learn from watching you. If they see you neglecting your own needs and not taking care of your physical and mental health, they will likely do the same.

Moreover, when you’re stressed, tired, or overwhelmed, it’s harder to be patient, understanding, and present with your children.

So if you want your children to respect you when they get older, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. Show them that taking care of your own needs is just as important as taking care of others’.

Final thoughts: The ultimate role model

Parenting is a journey. It’s about love, patience, and learning. But most importantly, it’s about being the person you want your child to grow up to be.

Children are like mirrors. They reflect not just our words, but our actions, our reactions, our values, and our attitudes.

Psychologist Albert Bandura proposed the Social Learning Theory, which emphasizes the impact of observing and modeling the behaviors of others. This theory holds true for your children as well. They learn from watching you.

So if you want your children to respect you when they get older, remember to respect them too. Show them what respect looks like – in how you treat them, how you treat yourself, and how you treat others.

Remember, parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about being a guide, a teacher, a role model. It’s about showing your children that respect is not just expected but earned.

And that starts with you.