Raising kids and maintaining their respect as they grow is an art, not a science.

It’s about striking a balance. Being too harsh can drive them away, being too lax can leave them unchecked.

If you want your children to respect you as they age, there are certain habits you need to say goodbye to.

In this piece, we’ll delve into those habits. I’ll share with you the ones that could inadvertently undermine your authority and strain your relationship with your grown-up kids.

So let’s get started, shall we?

1) Overprotectiveness

There’s a fine line between caring for your kids and overprotecting them.

As a parent, it’s instinctive to want to shield them from harm. But there’s a catch.

Overprotectiveness can stifle your child’s growth. It might make them dependent and less confident in their abilities.

Consider this: it’s through facing challenges and overcoming obstacles that we mature and learn. If we’re always shielded, we miss out on those valuable life lessons.

So, how about letting your kids navigate their path, make their mistakes, and learn from them? It might be tough to watch, but it’s crucial for their growth.

Remember, you’re preparing them for the world, not the world for them.

Resist the urge to step in every time they face a problem. Offer guidance, not solutions. This way, you’ll earn their respect as they grow older, knowing that you trust in their abilities to handle life’s hurdles.

2) Not Keeping Promises

I recall an incident with my own daughter a few years back. I’d promised her that we’d head to the park after I finished my work. However, work ran over and I had to cancel our plans.

The disappointment on her face was heart-wrenching. And it hit me – to her, my promise wasn’t just a casual statement. It was a commitment, a pact.

Breaking promises, even small ones, can erode your child’s trust in you over time. They may start to doubt your word and question your reliability.

In my case, I made it a point to apologize to my daughter and rescheduled our park visit. I also learned a valuable lesson – to only make promises when I’m sure I can keep them.

Remember, our actions speak louder than words in the eyes of our children. If you want them to respect you as they become adults, ensure you’re someone they can rely on. Keep your promises and be accountable when you can’t. It’s a lesson in responsibility they’ll carry with them into adulthood.

3) Lack of Empathy

Empathy is a key ingredient in building strong relationships, and this includes the one between you and your children. It’s about understanding and sharing their feelings, not just acknowledging them.

Consider this: A study published in the Journal of Adolescence found that children with empathetic parents have a greater well-being and are more likely to engage in pro-social behavior.

When you empathize with your children, you validate their feelings. You show them that it’s okay to feel the way they do. And when they see you respecting their emotions, they’ll likely grow to respect you more.

So, the next time your child is upset, step into their shoes. Don’t dismiss their feelings because they’re young or because “they’ll get over it”. Listen to them, comfort them, and help them navigate their emotions. It’s a habit that can definitely build a foundation of respect as they grow up.

4) Criticism without Constructiveness

We all want our children to grow into the best versions of themselves. And yes, that sometimes requires pointing out their mistakes. But there’s a difference between constructive criticism and harmful negativity.

Constantly highlighting their flaws without offering solutions or encouragement can damage your child’s self-esteem. It can make them feel inadequate and unworthy, which is not conducive to building respect.

Instead, when your child makes a mistake, use it as a teaching moment. Point out what went wrong, but also suggest ways they can improve or fix it. Balance the criticism with praise for their efforts and progress.

This approach shows them that you’re not just there to point out their faults, but also to guide and support them in their journey of growth and learning. And that’s a surefire way to earn their respect as they mature.

5) Lack of Quality Time

Time is the one thing you can’t get back. And with our busy lives, it’s often the one thing we struggle to give.

But here’s the thing – your children won’t remember the material things you provided for them. They’ll remember the moments when you were truly present, sharing laughs, creating memories, and simply being there for them.

Spending quality time with your children is an investment in your relationship with them. It’s during these moments they feel valued and loved. And that can have a significant impact on their respect for you as they grow older.

So, make time. It doesn’t matter if it’s an extravagant family vacation or a simple game night at home. What matters is that you’re there, fully present, sharing in their joys and sorrows. That’s how bonds are strengthened and respect is fostered.

6) Not Admitting When You’re Wrong

I remember a time when I unfairly scolded my son for something he hadn’t done. Later, I found out the truth and was left feeling guilty.

It’s a human tendency to avoid admitting our mistakes, especially to our children. We worry it might undermine our authority. But in reality, it’s quite the opposite.

Admitting when you’re wrong shows your child that you’re human and fallible, just like them. It teaches them humility and accountability – valuable lessons for their future.

So I apologized to my son. I told him I was wrong and asked for his forgiveness. That moment not only mended our relationship, but also deepened his respect for me.

Remember, admitting your mistakes doesn’t make you weak in your child’s eyes. Instead, it makes you real, relatable, and worthy of their respect as they grow older.

7) Disrespecting Their Privacy

As parents, it’s easy to forget that our children, regardless of their age, are individuals with their own private lives.

Invading their privacy, whether that’s reading their diary or constantly checking their phone, can damage your relationship. It sends the message that you don’t trust them, which can lead to resentment.

Respecting your child’s privacy shows them that you trust their judgement. It gives them a sense of independence and responsibility.

So, the next time you’re tempted to snoop, pause. Have open conversations instead. Ask about their day and show interest in their lives without prying. This mutual respect can go a long way in maintaining their respect for you as they grow older.

8) Not Leading by Example

At the end of the day, the most impactful way to earn your child’s respect is to lead by example.

Your actions, attitudes, and behavior are their first and most influential lessons about how to navigate the world. What you do matters more than what you say.

If you want them to be kind, show kindness. If you want them to be honest, practice honesty. If you want them to respect others, demonstrate respect in your interactions.

You see, children are like mirrors, they reflect what they see. So if you want them to grow into respectful adults, be the kind of person you’d want them to become.

That’s not just parenting; it’s leadership in its purest form.

Final thought: It’s about connection

Parenting is a journey, one of the most profound and transformative experiences in life. It’s not merely about raising children, but building connections that stand the test of time.

Earning your child’s respect as they grow older isn’t about asserting authority or strict discipline. It’s about mutual understanding, emotional intelligence, and leading by example.

Children are keen observers and quick learners. They absorb our actions, attitudes, and words. They reflect what they see and hear. And it’s in these subtleties that respect is earned or lost.

As American author and educator Stephen R. Covey aptly said, “You can’t talk your way out of problems you behave yourself into.” This holds especially true in parenting.

So, reflect on your habits. Are they fostering respect or undermining it? Remember, it’s never too late to change.

After all, in the grand scheme of parenting, it’s not just about raising children who respect you, but nurturing individuals who respect themselves and others. And that is a legacy worth striving for.