There’s a fine line between savvy communication and mind games.

Mind games are a form of mental manipulation where someone tries to control your decisions and actions, often without you even realizing it.

Master manipulators know how to play these games in conversations, using specific phrases to subtly influence your thoughts and behaviors.

In this article, we’ll expose eight phrases that can signal someone is a pro at playing mind games. By recognizing these phrases, you’ll be better equipped to see through the manipulation.

Ready to get savvy about mind games? Let’s dive in.

1) You always…

Manipulation often starts with generalizations, and one of the most common tactics used by master manipulators is to start their sentences with “You always…”.

This phrase is a classic in the arsenal of mind games. It’s designed to put you on the defensive, making you more susceptible to influence and control.

By saying “You always,” the manipulator is making a sweeping statement about your behavior or character, often in a negative context. This can lead you to feel guilty or even question your self-perception.

It’s a powerful tool because it draws on our inherent desire for acceptance and approval. We naturally want to correct any perceived flaws, which can open the door for the manipulator to impose their will.

But remember – nobody ‘always’ does anything. It’s a gross oversimplification. So next time someone starts a sentence with “You always…”, be alert. They may be playing mind games.

2) It’s up to you…

Sounds innocent enough, right? It’s a phrase I’ve heard plenty of times, and truth be told, I used to fall for it.

Here’s the trick – “It’s up to you” is a subtle way of shifting the responsibility onto you, while still guiding your decision. It’s a masterstroke in mind games.

Let me share an example from my own life. A friend once asked if I wanted to go to a concert. Honestly, I wasn’t that interested. But instead of respecting my decision, he said, “Well, it’s up to you. But if we don’t go, we’ll miss out on a great night.”

See what he did there? He made it seem like my choice, but he painted a picture where saying ‘no’ would lead to regret. And guess what? I ended up at that concert.

“It’s up to you” is a clever way of pushing someone towards a decision they may not want to make while making it seem like their choice. It’s manipulative, and it’s a classic sign of someone playing mind games.

3) But remember when…

Manipulators are skilled at using your past against you. “But remember when…” is a phrase they use to remind you of past mistakes, missteps, or misunderstandings.

This tactic is designed to undermine your confidence and decision-making abilities. By bringing up past events, especially those where you may have been in the wrong, they can make you question your current judgement.

Psychologists refer to this as ‘gaslighting’, a term originating from the 1944 film ‘Gaslight’, where a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her sanity. Gaslighting is now recognized as a form of psychological abuse.

So, if someone is consistently bringing up your past in a negative context, be aware that they might be trying to manipulate your present.

4) I’m just saying…

“I’m just saying…” is a phrase often used by master manipulators. It’s a way of presenting an opinion or criticism in a seemingly harmless way.

The intent behind using this phrase is to make you question your choices or actions, without seeming confrontational. It’s a sly way of casting doubt, while appearing to simply share thoughts.

For example, someone might say, “I’m just saying, you might want to reconsider that decision.” It sounds like friendly advice, but it’s a subtle attempt to influence your choices.

When someone frequently uses this phrase, especially when discussing your decisions or actions, be aware that they may be playing mind games with you.

5) I hate to say this, but…

“I hate to say this, but…” is a phrase that’s often used to soften the blow of a criticism or negative comment. It’s a preface that manipulators use to make their words seem more considerate and less confrontational than they actually are.

The person using this phrase is attempting to position themselves as a reluctant truth-teller, someone who cares enough about you to tell you the hard truths others won’t.

For instance, they might say something like, “I hate to say this, but everyone thinks you’re wrong.” This comment not only undermines your confidence but also isolates you from others.

Remember, genuine concern and honesty don’t require such disclaimers. When someone constantly uses phrases like this, they’re not being sincere. They’re playing mind games. So listen with your heart, but also keep your eyes wide open.

6) If I were you…

“If I were you…” is a phrase that’s often used to disguise unsolicited advice as empathy. And it’s one I’ve wrestled with quite a bit.

It’s a phrase that suggests the speaker knows better than you what you should do. It’s a way of imposing their perspective and choices onto you, under the guise of being helpful.

There was a time when I was deciding whether to pursue a career change. A friend repeatedly said, “If I were you, I’d stay put. It’s too risky to switch now.” Instead of supporting my decision-making process, she was subtly imposing her own fears and biases onto me.

The truth is, no one else is in your shoes. No one else fully understands your circumstances, experiences, or feelings. So when someone frequently says, “If I were you…”, be cautious. They might just be pulling the strings of a mind game.

7) Don’t take this the wrong way…

“Don’t take this the wrong way…” is a phrase often used to pre-emptively excuse a negative or critical comment. It’s a manipulator’s way of putting you on the back foot before they’ve even made their point.

The phrase is designed to make you feel overly sensitive if you react negatively to the comment that follows. Instead of focusing on the content of their criticism, you’re left questioning your own reaction.

For example, someone might say, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you’re being overly emotional.” It’s not just a critique of your feelings, but it also suggests that any defensive reaction from you is unwarranted.

When people use this phrase a lot, it’s a sign that they may be playing mind games. Don’t let it distract you from challenging their criticism if it feels unjust or unkind.

8) I don’t mean to be rude, but…

“I don’t mean to be rude, but…” is a phrase that manipulators use to mask their rudeness. It’s an immediate red flag that not only indicates manipulation but also a lack of respect.

The phrase is a manipulator’s way of giving themselves permission to say something offensive or hurtful. It’s like they’re saying, “I know this is going to hurt you, but I’m going to say it anyway.”

For instance, someone might say, “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think you’re capable of doing this job.” Not only is it a direct attack on your abilities, but it’s also framed in such a way that any objection from you might come across as overreacting.

When someone uses this phrase, they’re not just playing mind games – they’re disrespecting you. And that’s something none of us should tolerate.

Final thoughts: It’s about empowerment

Delving into the world of mind games and manipulation can be daunting. But it’s crucial to remember that this journey is less about suspicion and more about empowerment.

Understanding these tactics equips us to maintain control over our thoughts and decisions. It allows us to discern when someone is being genuine and when they’re trying to manipulate us.

Consider the words of George Orwell, “Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four.” In essence, freedom lies in acknowledging reality as it is, not as someone else tries to present it.

Recognizing manipulative phrases isn’t about creating an atmosphere of distrust, but about fostering self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It’s about reclaiming your right to your own perceptions, emotions, and decisions.

So as you navigate your conversations and relationships, keep these phrases in mind. Not as a checklist of suspicion, but as a tool for self-empowerment. Because knowing when you’re being played is the first step in refusing to be anyone’s pawn.