It’s a fine line between guiding someone and controlling them.

This distinction often boils down to intent. When someone is trying to control you, they’re typically pursuing their own interests, not caring about your thoughts or feelings.

On the contrary, when someone is guiding you, they’re assisting you to make your own decisions, not forcing you down a path.

Yet, they say knowledge is power. And knowing the key phrases that people use to exert control can help you spot these situations and protect yourself.

So here are the eight phrases that, if said to you, could mean someone’s trying to control you.

This is a more condensed introduction to the article “If someone says these 8 phrases to you, they’re trying to control you”.

1) You should…

In every relationship, there’s an element of guidance. We look to each other for advice, for suggestions, for a fresh perspective. But there’s a difference between offering insight and trying to dictate someone’s actions.

Those aiming to control often use phrases such as “You should…” It might seem innocent, a simple suggestion. But the underlying message is clear: “I know better than you. Do as I say.”

It’s not about presenting options or sharing experiences. It’s not about helping you weigh the pros and cons. It’s about steering you towards a specific choice – their choice.

But here’s the thing: you’re the driver of your life. You have the right to make your own decisions, to follow your own path, to learn from your own mistakes.

So the next time someone starts their sentence with “You should…”, take a moment. Ask yourself if they’re offering guidance or trying to take control.

2) Don’t you trust me?

In my own experience, I’ve found that trust can be a tricky issue. It’s the cornerstone of any relationship, but it can also be manipulated by those with controlling tendencies.

I once had a friend who would frequently ask, “Don’t you trust me?” whenever I would question their advice or decisions. Initially, I believed this was a simple call for reassurance. But over time, I realized it was more of a tool to silence my concerns and doubts.

This phrase is designed to make you feel guilty for questioning the other person’s motives or actions. It’s subtly implying that any doubt on your part is a direct indication of distrust, which can make you feel bad for questioning in the first place.

Remember, questioning someone’s decision or seeking clarity isn’t a sign of distrust. It’s a sign of healthy communication and understanding. So if someone frequently uses this phrase, they might be trying to control you rather than genuinely seeking reassurance.

3) If you really cared about me…

This phrase is a classic emotional manipulation technique. It’s designed to make you feel obligated to act in a certain way to prove your love or care for the person.

Psychologists refer to this as emotional blackmail. The person uses your feelings for them as a way to get you to do what they want. It’s a powerful control mechanism because it appeals to our natural desire to show love and care for those we are close to.

However, it’s important to remember that genuine love and care are never about fulfilling someone’s every demand or desire. It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and compromise. So if someone frequently uses this phrase, they may be trying to control you by leveraging your emotions.

4) I’m only saying this for your own good…

When people care about us, they naturally want what’s best for us. But sometimes, this sentiment can be twisted into a method of control.

Phrases like “I’m only saying this for your own good” can be a way for people to impose their will on you while making it seem like they’re doing you a favor. It’s a clever tactic, because who can argue with someone who’s just looking out for you?

But remember, even if someone truly believes they’re acting in your best interest, it doesn’t give them the right to dictate your choices. You’re the ultimate authority on what’s best for you. So if someone uses this phrase in an attempt to override your decisions, they could be trying to control you.

5) You’re overreacting…

It’s a phrase we’ve all probably heard at one time or another. And it can be particularly hurtful. Why? Because it invalidates our feelings.

When someone says, “You’re overreacting,” they’re essentially telling us that our emotions are wrong. It’s a way of dismissing our feelings and experiences, making us question our own perception of events.

This can be a powerful tool for control. By undermining your confidence in your own emotions, they can make you more susceptible to their influence.

But remember this: your feelings are valid. You have a right to feel and express your emotions. So if someone frequently tells you that you’re overreacting, it might be a sign they’re trying to control you.

6) You always… or You never…

These statements can be hard to hear. I remember a time in my life when a close friend would constantly use these phrases. “You always forget to call me,” or, “You never consider my feelings.” It felt like my flaws were being magnified and I was being painted in a negative light.

These absolute statements are often used to make you feel guilty and defensive, making it easier for the person using them to assert control. They focus on past mistakes rather than addressing the current issue at hand.

It’s essential to realize that nobody’s perfect. We all have moments of forgetfulness or insensitivity. But these moments don’t define us. If someone frequently uses these phrases, they could be trying to control you by making you feel inadequate.

7) I didn’t mean it like that…

Misunderstandings happen. We all occasionally phrase things in a way that can be misinterpreted. But there’s a difference between an innocent miscommunication and a pattern of behavior.

When someone consistently says hurtful things and then backtracks with “I didn’t mean it like that,” they might be trying to control you. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility for their words and actions.

This tactic can create an environment where you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, which makes it easier for the person using the phrase to manipulate you.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. If someone’s actions consistently hurt you, despite their reassurances, they may be trying to control you.

8) It’s for your own good…

This phrase is perhaps the most deceptive of them all. It’s a way for someone to exert control under the guise of concern for your wellbeing.

But here’s the key: only you can truly know what’s in your own best interest. Yes, others can offer advice, share experiences, and provide guidance. But they should respect your autonomy to make the final call.

If someone regularly insists on making decisions on your behalf, claiming it’s “for your own good,” they may be attempting to control you. Stand firm in your right to make your own choices. After all, it’s your life.

Final thoughts: It’s about respect

The essence of any healthy relationship, whether it’s friendship, romantic, familial, or professional, lies in mutual respect.

When someone consistently uses phrases that undermine your autonomy, belittle your feelings, or manipulate your decisions, it’s a glaring sign of disrespect.

Remember, you have the right to be treated with kindness and understanding. You deserve to be heard, to express your feelings, and to make your own choices.

The key is to recognize these controlling phrases for what they are: attempts to exert influence over your life. By becoming aware of them, you empower yourself to respond with strength and assert your independence.

So the next time you hear one of these phrases, take a moment. Reflect on the intent behind the words. And remember: You always have a choice. It’s your life. You’re in control.