There’s a stark contrast between being heard and being ignored.

This contrast often boils down to communication. As a boomer, you might be using phrases that, unbeknownst to you, are alienating your audience.

Communicating effectively is about making sure your advice lands on receptive ears. And to do that, there are certain phrases boomers should perhaps avoid.

Below is a list of 8 phrases that if removed from your vocabulary, might make your advice more appealing to the younger generation. Let’s dive in.

1) Back in my day…

The importance of communication is paramount, especially when it comes to imparting advice.

As boomers, you’ve lived through decades of change and have a wealth of experience to share. But there’s a common phrase that often acts as a barrier instead of a bridge.

“Back in my day…” might seem like an innocent prelude to sharing wisdom, but it can instantly create a divide. The subtext can be read as dismissive, implying that the current generation’s experiences or challenges are not valid or significant compared to the past.

This phrase can inadvertently make your listener switch off, as it sets up a comparison instead of a conversation.

Want your advice to be better received? Try replacing “Back in my day…” with “In my experience…”. This simple switch acknowledges your experience without diminishing theirs.

It’s all about fostering open dialogue and understanding. And that’s where the real power of advice lies.

2) You’re just too young to understand…

I’ll let you in on a little secret from my own experience – age does not guarantee understanding.

I remember once trying to explain to my teenage nephew why he needed to be more responsible with his spending. I started my advice with “You’re just too young to understand…”. The moment those words left my mouth, I saw his eyes glaze over. His body language changed, he became defensive and the rest of our conversation was a monologue rather than the dialogue I had hoped for.

What I’d inadvertently done was belittled his experiences and perspectives because of his age. Instead of encouraging him to open up about his thoughts, I had shut down the conversation completely.

So, if you want your advice to be heard and considered, avoid implying that someone’s age is a barrier to their understanding. Instead, try saying something like “From my perspective…” or “In my experience…”. This approach values their opinion and promotes a healthier exchange of ideas.

3) Because I said so…

“Because I said so…” is a phrase that has crossed the lips of many a frustrated parent or grandparent. It’s often used as a trump card when patience is running thin or when we believe our advice should be followed without question.

However, research shows that humans are naturally inclined to rebel against authority. This instinct is particularly strong during teenage years and early adulthood – the very group you’re often trying to advise.

Dropping the “Because I said so…” and instead providing context or reasoning can go a long way in creating understanding and acceptance of your advice. It empowers them by offering insight into your thought process and wisdom, rather than just issuing a directive. After all, understanding the ‘why’ behind advice often makes it easier to follow.

4) In my time, we didn’t have…

The world has changed significantly in the last few decades, and technology has played a huge part in that. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing today’s world with the one you grew up in.

Starting off with “In my time, we didn’t have…” can instantly create a disconnect with younger generations. While it’s true that they are growing up in a different era with different resources, this phrase can sound like a criticism or a dismissal of their current reality.

Instead of setting up this “us versus them” dynamic, try connecting over shared experiences or feelings. Phrases like, “I remember how challenging it was when I faced something similar…” can lead to more understanding and make your advice more relatable and impactful.

5) You’ll understand when you’re older…

This phrase, as innocent as it may seem, can often feel dismissive to the person on the receiving end of it. It implies that their feelings or experiences are somehow less real or less important because of their age.

The thing is, their experiences are real to them, now. They’re feeling things deeply, perhaps for the first time, and what they need is empathy and understanding.

Instead of postponing their understanding to an undefined future date, let’s acknowledge their feelings in the present. A phrase like, “I see how this is really hard for you right now…” can make them feel seen and validated.

Remember, heartfelt advice is about connection, not belittlement. It’s about helping them navigate their world with the wisdom of your experiences.

6) That’s not how the real world works…

I remember when I was starting my first job, fresh out of school, full of ideas and enthusiasm. My boss said to me, “That’s not how the real world works…” when I proposed a new project. It felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over me. My enthusiasm waned and I started doubting my ideas.

We often use this phrase with good intentions, trying to prepare younger generations for life’s harsh realities. However, it can come across as dismissive and discouraging.

Times change and with it, the ‘real world’. What was once applicable might not be anymore. Instead of shutting down their ideas with this phrase, let’s encourage dialogue and critical thinking. Try saying, “That’s an interesting perspective, have you considered…?”

This can foster an environment of learning and growth, instead of disillusionment.

7) When I was your age…

The phrase “When I was your age…” can often create more distance than understanding. Yes, you’ve been their age, but the context was different. The world has changed, and so have the challenges that come with it.

Instead of using your past as a comparison, use it as a bridge to connect. Share your experiences and the lessons you learned without implying that their experiences should be the same.

You could say something like, “I faced a similar situation…” or “I remember feeling confused about this too…”. This approach makes it more about shared human experience rather than an age or generational gap.

8) You wouldn’t understand…

The phrase “You wouldn’t understand…” is perhaps the most damaging of all. It shuts down communication before it even begins. It assumes that they lack the capability or the interest to comprehend what you’re talking about.

Every person, regardless of their age, has the capacity to understand complex thoughts and emotions. Yes, their understanding might differ from yours, but that’s the beauty of dialogue and exchange of ideas.

Let’s replace “You wouldn’t understand…” with “Let me share with you…”. This invites them into your world and encourages understanding rather than creating barriers.

Final thoughts: It’s all about connection

At the heart of every interaction, every piece of advice, every shared experience, lies the human need for connection.

This connection isn’t just about sharing space or words, it’s about understanding and empathy. It’s about recognizing that while we come from different generations with different experiences, at our core, we are all human.

The words we choose to use can either bridge the gap or widen it. They can either invite understanding or create walls.

Age and experience have imparted boomers with a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. But the key to sharing this wisdom effectively lies in how it is communicated.

So the next time you’re sharing a piece of advice, remember it’s not just about what you say but how you say it. Consider your words carefully, because they hold the power to connect, understand and influence.

And isn’t that what we all seek – genuine connection across the generational divide? A chance to learn from each other and grow together. After all, wisdom is timeless…it’s all about how it’s shared.