The world is full of people who play mind games, and gaslighters are the masters of manipulation. They’re always calm and seem reasonable, which makes them even more dangerous.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the perpetrator leads you to question your sanity, making you feel powerless. But guess what? You’re not.

With a little bit of awareness and understanding, you can regain control. I’ll share with you eight practical tricks to help you stand your ground against a gaslighter’s seemingly unassailable calm and reasonableness.

So, let’s get started, shall we?

1) Trust your gut

One of the most insidious things about gaslighting is how it makes you question your own instincts and perceptions.

Gaslighters are experts at appearing calm and reasonable, which can make you doubt your own feelings and reactions. But here’s the thing – your gut instincts are there for a reason.

If you’re feeling uneasy or if something doesn’t feel right, it’s likely because it isn’t. Don’t be quick to dismiss these feelings just because the gaslighter seems so sure of themselves.

Remember, their calm demeanor is part of the manipulation. So, rather than second-guessing yourself, start trusting your gut instincts.

This doesn’t mean you should jump to conclusions without evidence – but it does mean that if you’re consistently feeling off-kilter or uncomfortable, it’s time to take a closer look at what’s going on.

Remember this: You know yourself better than anyone else. Trust in that knowledge. And trust in your ability to perceive when something is not right.

2) Establish boundaries

Let me share a bit of my own experience with this one.

In my past, I fell victim to a gaslighter who always seemed so calm and reasonable – it was like arguing with a Zen monk. I would find myself questioning my own reactions and even my sanity at times.

I remember one instance when he had promised to pick me up from work, but he didn’t show up. When I confronted him about it later, he calmly insisted that he never agreed to pick me up and that I must have misunderstood.

This left me feeling confused and guilty for accusing him unfairly. But then I recalled our conversation verbatim, and I knew I wasn’t imagining things.

That’s when I decided to establish firm boundaries.

I started by setting clear expectations about commitments and responsibilities, making sure that he knew what was acceptable behavior and what wasn’t. This gave me a clear reference point for future interactions.

Establishing boundaries might seem tough, especially when dealing with someone who’s calm and reasonable on the surface, but it’s essential for regaining control and maintaining your sanity.

Remember: Your feelings are valid, your needs are important, and expressing them doesn’t make you unreasonable or demanding. It makes you human.

3) Learn the signs of gaslighting

Gaslighting, despite its prevalence, is not always easy to identify – especially when the perpetrator maintains a calm and reasonable facade. However, psychologists have identified some common tactics that gaslighters use.

One common method is ‘countering,’ where the gaslighter questions your memory of events, insisting that things didn’t happen the way you remember. Another tactic is ‘trivializing,’ where the gaslighter makes you feel like your feelings and thoughts are unimportant or invalid.

Interestingly, the term ‘gaslighting’ originates from a 1938 play (and later a film), “Gas Light”, in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane by subtly altering elements of her environment and then denying those changes.

By recognizing these tactics, you can better protect yourself from their effects and regain control over your own perspective. Becoming familiar with these signs is a critical step in neutralizing a gaslighter’s influence.

4) Practice self-care

Dealing with a gaslighter can be emotionally draining. Their calm demeanor and reasonable arguments can leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, and confused.

In these situations, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. This could mean different things for different people. For some, it could be regular exercise, a healthy diet, and sufficient sleep. For others, it might mean meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature.

The point is to ensure you’re taking care of your physical and mental health. This not only helps you maintain your strength and resilience but also keeps your mind clear and focused.

When you’re in a good place mentally and physically, you’re less likely to fall for the gaslighter’s manipulative tactics. So, take care of yourself. You deserve it.

5) Seek support

The journey to regain control from a gaslighter can be a tough one, and it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through it alone.

Talking to trusted friends and family about your experiences can not only provide emotional support but also give you an outside perspective on the situation. They can validate your feelings when you’re doubting yourself and remind you of your worth when you’re feeling low.

If the gaslighting is severe, you might also consider seeking help from a professional therapist or counselor. They can provide you with strategies to cope with gaslighting and help you rebuild your self-esteem.

In essence, seeking support is not a sign of weakness. It’s an act of courage. It shows that you’re taking steps to protect yourself and regain control over your life – and there’s nothing more powerful than that.

6) Keep a record

I’ll admit, there were times when I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. The gaslighter in my life was so calm, so reasonable, that I started to question my own memory.

That’s when I started keeping a record. I began to jot down significant conversations and incidents – the date, time, what was said, my feelings at the time – everything.

This record became my anchor. It was a tangible reminder of what had actually happened, something I could refer back to whenever the gaslighter tried to rewrite history.

Keeping a record might seem extreme, but in situations where your reality is being distorted, it can be a lifeline. It serves as proof of your experiences and can help reinforce your trust in your own memory and perception.

7) Limit your interaction

While it’s not always possible, especially if the gaslighter is a family member or a co-worker, limiting your interaction with them can significantly reduce their influence over you.

Try to engage with them as little as possible. If you have to interact, keep conversations focused on practical matters. Steer clear of personal topics that might give them an opportunity to manipulate or belittle you.

This isn’t about running away from the problem, but rather protecting yourself from further manipulation. Remember, you have the right to choose who you interact with and how much you let them into your life.

Limiting your interaction can help create a buffer between you and the gaslighter, giving you the space to heal and regain control over your life.

8) Believe in yourself

At the end of the day, the most potent weapon against gaslighting is your belief in yourself.

Gaslighters thrive on making you question your reality, your sanity, and your worth. But remember this – you are stronger than their manipulation. You are capable of discerning truth from falsehood.

Believing in yourself might seem like an uphill battle when you’re constantly being undermined. But trust me, it’s possible. And it’s vital.

Your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences – they are valid. And you have the right to stand up for them.

So, whenever you find yourself doubting, remember to believe in yourself. It’s the most powerful defense you have against a gaslighter’s calm and reasonable facade.

Final reflection: Regaining control is a journey

Dealing with gaslighting, especially from someone who always stays calm and reasonable, is no small feat. It’s a journey that demands courage, strength, and resilience.

The 8 tricks shared in this article are stepping stones on this journey. They are tools to help you regain control and reclaim your sense of self amidst the psychological manipulation.

But remember, these are just tools. The real power lies within you – in your belief in yourself, in your trust in your instincts, and in your ability to assert your boundaries.

As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This holds especially true in the face of gaslighting.

So, as you move forward, remember to hold onto your power. Believe in your worth. Trust your perceptions. And most importantly, never give anyone else the authority to distort your reality.

The road to regaining control might be challenging, but remember, you’re stronger than the challenge. And every step you take brings you closer to reclaiming your life from the grip of gaslighting.