Parenting styles vary, and so do the outcomes. When you say “yes” to everything your child wants, you may think you’re being supportive. However, this can lead to certain emotional patterns in your kids.

This “yes to everything” parenting, while well-intentioned, may not be setting kids up for long-term success. These children often grow up with unique emotional patterns that follow them into adulthood.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to judge or dictate how you should parent. But in this article, I’ll share eight emotional patterns typically observed in children raised with “yes to everything” parenting. And remember, understanding these patterns is the first step towards breaking them if necessary.

1) Difficulty with decision making

Let’s start things off with something that might seem a bit counterintuitive.

When children always get their way, they can struggle to make decisions. This might seem odd, after all, aren’t they making decisions all the time? Well, not exactly.

You see, when a child is used to hearing “yes” to everything, they rarely face the challenge of weighing different options and dealing with the consequences of their choices. They often don’t learn how to navigate through the maze of pros and cons that come with every decision.

This can lead to a real struggle in adulthood when faced with important life decisions. From choosing a career path to making financial decisions, these children-turned-adults may feel overwhelmed and anxious.

This is not to say that these individuals can’t learn decision-making skills later in life. However, the lack of early experience can make it a steeper learning curve.

Remember, saying “no” sometimes isn’t about being strict or unkind. It is about teaching your kids valuable life skills like decision making.

2) Struggles with disappointment

Here’s a personal anecdote that I think illustrates this point quite well.

When I was growing up, my best friend came from a “yes to everything” family. His parents were loving and supportive, always saying “yes” to his requests. From the latest video games to impromptu trips to the amusement park, he got whatever he wanted.

But I remember one incident vividly. We were in high school, and he tried out for the football team. He was confident he’d make it, but unfortunately, he didn’t. He was devastated, unable to handle the disappointment.

You see, being raised in a “yes” environment, he wasn’t used to hearing “no”. He hadn’t faced failure or disappointment often enough to develop coping mechanisms. It was an emotionally tough time for him.

This is not a unique case. Many children raised in a “yes to everything” parenting style struggle with accepting disappointments and setbacks because they’re not accustomed to them. It’s an essential part of life that they’re often not prepared for.

3) Entitlement issues

Children of “yes to everything” parents can develop a sense of entitlement. They grow up believing they have an inherent right to get what they want, when they want it. This expectation can carry into adulthood and cause friction in their personal and professional relationships.

A study by the University of California, Davis found that individuals with a high sense of entitlement are less likely to follow instructions, more likely to break rules and have a harder time building strong, positive relationships. They expect special treatment and are easily frustrated or disappointed when they don’t receive it.

As a parent, it’s crucial to balance fulfilling your child’s wants and needs with teaching them the value of patience, hard work, and earning privileges rather than expecting them. This helps cultivate humility and gratitude, traits that are vital for long-term happiness and success.

4) Lack of self-reliance

Self-reliance is a critical life skill. It’s about having the confidence and ability to take care of one’s own needs. But for children who are used to hearing “yes” all the time, this skill can be underdeveloped.

In a “yes to everything” environment, children often don’t learn how to solve problems on their own. They don’t have to figure out solutions because their parents always step in to fulfill their requests. This lack of problem-solving practice can leave them ill-prepared to tackle challenges independently in the future.

As they grow up, these individuals might struggle with tasks others their age handle with ease. This lack of self-reliance can impact their relationships, career, and overall life satisfaction.

It’s vital to let kids face and overcome challenges on their own sometimes. It helps them develop resilience, resourcefulness, and a sense of capability – all crucial for becoming self-reliant adults.

5) Difficulty expressing gratitude

Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you”. It’s a deep sense of appreciation for the kindness and generosity of others. But when children always get what they want, they can miss out on developing this beautiful emotion.

Imagine a child who always gets the toy they ask for. Over time, they might start to expect to receive it, rather than see it as a gift or a treat. The joy of receiving can become diluted, and the expression of gratitude may become a mere formality, lacking genuine feeling.

As these children grow up, they might struggle to express heartfelt gratitude. This can affect their relationships, as expressing appreciation is a key way to show love and respect to others.

Gratitude is a cornerstone of happiness and positive relationships. It’s not about teaching kids to say “thank you” by rote, but about helping them understand and appreciate the love and effort behind each act of giving.

6) Challenges with empathy

There was a time when I found it difficult to understand why my peers struggled with certain things. It was during my early college days, a period when emotions are complex, and understanding others’ perspectives is crucial.

You see, I was fortunate to have had most of my desires fulfilled as a child. I didn’t realize it then, but this made it harder for me to empathize with friends who had to work part-time jobs or couldn’t afford to join in on every social event.

Children of “yes to everything” parents, like my younger self, might struggle with empathy. They’re not used to seeing things from the perspective of someone who doesn’t always get what they want. In their world, wants are met without resistance.

This lack of empathy can lead to challenges in forming deep, meaningful relationships. Remember, empathy is not just feeling for others; it’s about understanding their experiences from their point of view. And sometimes, that means understanding the feeling of not having everything handed on a silver platter.

7) Poor understanding of value

One of the most important life lessons is understanding the value of things. Not just in terms of money, but also in terms of effort, time, and resources. But for children used to hearing “yes” all the time, this concept can be distorted.

When children get whatever they want without much struggle or wait, they often don’t learn to respect the value of those things. They might not understand the hard work that goes into earning money to buy them, or the time and effort invested in creating them.

This lack of understanding can lead to wasteful habits and disregard for possessions. They might carelessly lose or damage items, or develop a throwaway attitude towards things that are not easily replaceable.

Teaching children to value what they have helps them develop respect for their possessions and appreciate the effort behind acquiring them. It also fosters responsible behavior and sustainability, traits that are increasingly important in today’s world.

8) Impaired resilience

Resilience is arguably one of the most important qualities we can cultivate for a fulfilled and successful life. It’s our ability to bounce back from setbacks, disappointments, and failures. But children raised in a “yes to everything” environment often miss out on developing this crucial trait.

When children always get their way, they don’t learn to cope with adversity. They’re not used to facing obstacles, disappointments, or failures. So, when they inevitably encounter these in adulthood, it can hit them hard.

Resilience isn’t built overnight. It’s the product of experiences, challenges, and even failures. So while it might be tough to say “no” sometimes, remember that each challenge your child overcomes is a building block in their tower of resilience.

Final thoughts: It’s about balance

Parenting is a complex and challenging journey, with no one-size-fits-all approach. And while the “yes to everything” style comes from a place of love and wanting the best for our kids, it’s important to consider its potential long-term emotional impact.

Saying “yes” can foster a warm, supportive environment, but saying “no” at times can be just as beneficial. It teaches children about boundaries, patience, resilience, and the value of things. These are lessons that can serve them well into adulthood.

John Locke, a renowned philosopher and physician, once said, “Parents wonder why the streams are bitter when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.” This isn’t to imply that saying “yes” poisons your child’s development. Rather, it’s a reminder that our actions as parents shape our children’s future behaviors and attitudes.

As parents, it’s our responsibility to strike a balance. A balance between granting wishes to make them happy now and setting boundaries to prepare them for future happiness. Because ultimately, parenting is not just about raising children, but about raising future adults.