We often chase happiness like it’s a golden ticket to bliss. But sometimes, our pursuit of joy takes us down paths that actually make us feel worse.

The irony? We don’t even realize we’re doing it.

Here’s the thing: there are common ways people seek happiness that can turn around and bite us in the back. And knowing these can be a game-changer.

So, let’s delve into “8 ways people chase happiness that actually make them more miserable”. Trust me, recognizing these patterns might save you a lot of heartache.

1) Chasing after material possessions

Material wealth and possessions can seem like the ultimate goal for many. The thought process is simple: more stuff equals more happiness, right?

Wrong.

While it’s true that certain material comforts can improve our quality of life, an obsessive focus on acquiring more can actually lead to increased stress and dissatisfaction.

The problem? We fall into a trap known as the “hedonic treadmill”. This is where we constantly seek more to keep up with our rising expectations. But each new acquisition only provides a fleeting moment of joy before we’re onto the next “must-have” item.

In fact, studies have shown that after a certain income level, more money doesn’t equate to more happiness. Instead, it can lead to an endless cycle of desire and disappointment.

So the next time you’re lusting after that new car or designer handbag, ask yourself: will it truly make you happier in the long run? Or is it just another step on the hedonic treadmill, destined to leave you feeling unsatisfied?

2) Putting happiness on a pedestal

I’ve been there. I’ve made the mistake of treating happiness like it’s some sort of trophy to be won. And guess what? It didn’t make me happier.

For years, I chased after happiness as if it were a destination. I thought, “If I can just achieve this goal, or get that promotion, or find the perfect partner, then I’ll be happy.”

But here’s the kicker: each time I reached one of those milestones, the happiness I felt was fleeting. The goalposts shifted and I was left chasing the next big thing.

By putting happiness on a pedestal, I was setting myself up for disappointment. I was so focused on pursuing happiness that I forgot to appreciate the joy in everyday moments.

So, remember: Happiness is not a destination, but a journey. Don’t fall into the trap of constantly chasing after it. Instead, learn to find joy in the present moment.

3) Neglecting relationships

In our pursuit of happiness, we often prioritize personal achievements and goals, sometimes to the detriment of our relationships.

Yet, did you know that a Harvard study, spanning over 80 years, found that close relationships are what keep people happy throughout their lives?

The study highlighted that having someone to rely upon helps our nervous system relax, helps our brains stay healthier for longer, and reduces emotional as well as physical pain. People who feel they are in a loving relationship tend to be happier.

While it’s important to have personal goals and ambitions, it’s equally crucial to nurture and value the relationships we have. After all, humans are social beings. We thrive on connection and community. So in the quest for happiness, don’t sideline those who matter most.

4) Avoiding discomfort

In our pursuit of happiness, we often try to avoid discomfort at all costs. We dodge difficult conversations, shy away from challenges, and hide from our fears.

But here’s the catch: Discomfort is a part of life. It’s often through facing our fears and stepping outside our comfort zones that we grow the most.

Avoiding discomfort can lead to stagnation and can rob us of the opportunity to learn, grow and ultimately become happier.

Life isn’t meant to be comfortable all the time. It’s through struggle and adversity that we learn resilience and gain a deeper appreciation for the moments of joy.

So, don’t run from discomfort. Embrace it. See it as an opportunity for growth rather than something to be feared.

5) Trying to control everything

Have you ever found yourself obsessing over things beyond your control? It’s a common trap we fall into. We believe that if we could just control every aspect of our lives, then we’d finally be happy.

But life, as we all know, is unpredictable. No matter how much we plan or prepare, there will always be things outside our control.

By trying to control everything, we set ourselves up for frustration and disappointment. It’s like trying to hold water in our hands – the more tightly we squeeze, the more it slips away.

Instead, try to embrace uncertainty. Let go of the need to control everything and trust in your ability to adapt and respond to whatever life throws at you.

Happiness often comes from accepting that life is a beautiful mess, filled with unpredictable twists and turns. The sooner we learn to let go and ride the waves, the sooner we’ll find peace and contentment.

6) Neglecting self-care

There was a time when I believed that burning the candle at both ends was the only way to achieve my goals. I would work brutally long hours, skip meals, and sacrifice sleep, all in the name of success.

I thought that if I just pushed myself hard enough, I’d finally be happy. But instead, I ended up exhausted, stressed, and more miserable than ever.

The truth is, neglecting self-care is a surefire way to undermine our own happiness. Our bodies and minds are not machines; they need rest, nourishment, and care to function optimally.

In the pursuit of happiness, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Make time for rest, eat well, engage in regular physical activity, and do things you love. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

7) Living in the future

It’s not uncommon to get caught up in future projections. We often tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when I graduate,” “I’ll be happy when I get that job,” or “I’ll be happy when I retire.”

While it’s good to have goals and aspirations, living too much in the future can rob us of the joy in the present moment.

Constantly looking forward creates a happiness gap where we’re never truly content with where we are because we’re always waiting for that next thing to happen.

Instead, try practicing mindfulness and gratitude for the present moment. Appreciating what we have right now can significantly improve our sense of happiness and well-being.

8) Comparing ourselves to others

In a world ruled by social media highlight reels, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our lives with others. But remember, comparison is the thief of joy.

When we compare, we’re usually measuring our real, imperfect lives against someone else’s carefully curated, seemingly perfect ones. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness.

So, here’s a piece of advice: focus on your own journey. Everyone has their own pace, their own unique set of challenges and triumphs. What matters is that you’re moving forward and staying true to yourself.

The key to happiness lies not in being better than others, but in being the best version of ourselves.

Final thoughts: It’s about balance

The pursuit of happiness is deeply ingrained in our human nature. But as we’ve discovered, some of the ways we chase happiness can inadvertently lead to more misery.

It’s important to remember that happiness isn’t a ‘one-size-fits-all’ concept. What brings joy to one person may not have the same effect on another. However, one universal truth is that balance is crucial.

Balance between ambition and contentment, between self-care and sacrifice, between planning for the future and living in the present, and between solitude and relationships. It’s this balance that allows us to navigate life’s ups and downs while maintaining a sense of inner peace and contentment.

The ancient Greeks had a term for this – Eudaimonia, which translates to ‘human flourishing’. It encapsulates the idea of living in accordance with your values, fulfilling your potential, and achieving a sense of well-being through balance.

So as you navigate your own journey to happiness, remember to seek balance. And understand that it’s okay to feel unhappy sometimes. After all, it’s these moments of contrast that make the happy times stand out.

In the end, it’s not just about chasing happiness, but about embracing the full spectrum of human emotions and experiences. That is where true fulfillment lies.