8 types of friends who are not worth keeping in your life as you get older says psychology
There’s a fine line between keeping friends who add value to your life and those who simply suck the joy out of it.
As we age, maintaining friendships that no longer serve us can be more of a chore than a delight. Yet, we often hold onto them out of habit or fear of loneliness.
Psychology suggests there are certain types of friends you’re better off without as you grow older, and it’s not about being cruel, but about protecting your peace and happiness.
In this article, we’ll explore the 8 types of friends you might want to reconsider keeping around. Remember, it’s all about quality, not quantity.
1) The Constant Taker
Friendship, like any relationship, should be a two-way street.
Yet, there’s always that one friend who seems more interested in what they can get from you, rather than what they can give.
These are the friends who always need a favor, some advice or your time but are rarely available when you need the same. The constant takers tend to drain your energy and resources, leaving you feeling depleted and undervalued.
Psychology suggests that such imbalanced relationships can lead to stress and resentment. As we age and our time becomes even more precious, it’s worth reconsidering whether you want to keep such friendships.
Remember, it’s not about how much you give or take, but about the balance between the two. You deserve friends who appreciate your worth and reciprocate your efforts.
2) The Perpetual Negativist
We all have our moments of negativity, it’s part of being human.
However, there’s a certain type of friend who takes this to another level. They’re always complaining, always finding faults, always seeing the glass as half empty.
I had a friend like this once. Every conversation was clouded with her complaints about her job, her love life, her health – you name it. Over time, I found that I started to dread our conversations. Instead of feeling uplifted and supported after speaking with her, I felt drained and downcast.
Psychology tells us that moods can be contagious. Constantly being around such negativity can impact your own mood and outlook on life. As we grow older and strive for peace and positivity in our lives, cutting ties with perpetual negativists can be a necessary step.
Life is too short to spend it under a constant cloud of negativity. Surround yourself with friends who encourage you and help you see the silver lining even on cloudy days.
3) The Fair-weather Friend
Fair-weather friends are easy to identify – they are always around when things are going great, but the moment a storm hits, they’re nowhere to be found.
Interestingly, research from the American Sociological Review indicates that most people only have about two close friends they can confide in. This puts into perspective the importance of having friends who are there for you, not just during the sunny days, but also during the stormy ones.
As we age, navigating through life’s ups and downs becomes more complex. You want friends who will weather life’s storms with you and be there when you need them most.
In essence, a small circle of true friends is more beneficial than a large circle of fair-weather friends. Make room for those who stick around, even when the going gets tough.
4) The Unchanging Friend
Change is the only constant in life, they say.
As we grow older, we evolve in our thoughts, our beliefs, and our outlook on life. We learn new things, have new experiences and grow as individuals.
However, some friends refuse to change or grow. They remain stuck in their old ways of thinking and behaving. They resist new ideas and are not open to different perspectives.
While it’s comfortable to have friends who think and act exactly like us, it’s not necessarily beneficial in the long run. To grow, we need to be challenged, and that often comes from being around people who think differently and push us out of our comfort zones.
As you grow older, you might want to reconsider keeping friends who are unchanging. Instead, surround yourself with friends who are open to growth and can challenge you to become a better version of yourself.
5) The Judgemental Friend
We all want to feel accepted and loved for who we are.
Unfortunately, some friends have a knack for passing judgement, making snide remarks or offering unsolicited advice. They make you feel like you’re constantly under scrutiny and that you don’t measure up.
Deep down, we all know that nobody’s perfect. We all have our flaws, our quirks, and our unique traits. And that’s okay. That’s what makes us human.
As we age, it becomes more important to surround ourselves with friends who accept us for who we are, flaws and all. Friends who understand that we are all works in progress. Friends who encourage us to be better, but never make us feel less.
In the end, what truly matters is not the judgement of others, but how we see ourselves. So, let go of the judgemental friends and cherish those who love you for you.
6) The Competitive Friend
Competition can be healthy. It can motivate us to improve and strive for success. But when it seeps into friendships, it can trigger feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
I remember a friend who always had to one-up me. If I got a new job, she got a higher-paying one. If I took a vacation, she had to take a more exotic one. It was as though our friendship had turned into a constant competition.
Over time, I realized it was affecting my self-esteem. I started to question my achievements and felt like I was always falling short.
Psychology suggests that such competitive friendships can lead to stress and anxiety. As we age, the last thing we need is unnecessary stress.
It’s important to have friends who cheer for your successes without feeling threatened or jealous. Friends who celebrate with you, not compete against you. So, if you have a friend who’s always trying to outdo you, it might be time to rethink that friendship.
7) The Gossiping Friend
Gossip can seem like harmless chatter, but it can create a toxic environment and damage relationships.
Friends who constantly indulge in gossip aren’t just sharing harmless tidbits. They’re often spreading rumors, stirring up drama, and revealing secrets that were told in confidence.
As we age, we realize that our time is better spent on constructive conversations that contribute to our growth and happiness.
It’s important to have friends who respect the privacy of others and engage in meaningful conversations. Friends who enrich your life with their insights and experiences, not fill it with unnecessary drama.
So, if you find yourself constantly caught up in gossip with a friend, it might be time to reassess that friendship. After all, if they’re gossiping with you, they’re likely gossiping about you as well.
8) The Disrespectful Friend
Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
A friend who constantly disrespects you – be it through their words, actions, or attitudes – is not a friend worth keeping. This can range from consistently belittling your achievements to disregarding your boundaries.
As we grow older, our tolerance for disrespect should diminish. We begin to understand our worth and the importance of maintaining our dignity.
The key to a healthy and fulfilling friendship lies in mutual respect and understanding. Friends who value your opinions, acknowledge your feelings, and respect your boundaries are the ones who truly enrich your life.
And remember, it’s never too late to stand up for yourself and demand the respect you deserve.
Final Thoughts: It’s About Self-Respect
Navigating friendships isn’t always an easy task, and the lines can often be blurred. But at the end of the day, it’s essential to remember that your mental and emotional wellbeing should be a priority.
Psychologist and author Dr. Guy Winch once said, “Healthy relationships are those where you’re better off with the person than without them.”
As we age, this sentiment becomes more poignant. You deserve friends who respect you, value your time, and reciprocate your efforts. Friends who enrich your life and encourage growth.
So if any friend doesn’t meet these basic requirements, it might be time for some tough decisions. Remember, it’s not about being unkind or harsh. It’s about respecting yourself enough to know when a friendship is no longer serving you.
In the journey of life, quality surely trumps quantity when it comes to friendships. Reflect on this as you navigate your own relationships and remember – it’s never too late for positive change.
