It’s funny how the smallest behaviors can create the biggest walls, isn’t it? You can be craving connection, yet unwittingly push people away.

The truth is, we all do things that create distance, even when we’re dying for closeness.

I’m going to share with you eight small behaviors that can do just that. These are habits that most of us slip into without even realizing it.

So, if you’ve ever wondered why connections seem to slip through your fingers, keep reading. You might just find the answer you’re looking for.

1) Avoiding eye contact

Ever noticed how some people just can’t seem to look you in the eye?

Eye contact is more than just a polite habit. It’s a powerful way of saying, “I see you. I’m here with you. I’m listening.”

But when we avoid eye contact, it sends a very different message. It says, “I’m not interested in what you have to say. I’d rather be anywhere but here.”

Even if that’s not what we mean to say, that’s the message that comes across.

So, if you’re finding that people seem to be pulling away from you, take a moment to reflect on your eye contact. Are you really showing up in your conversations or are you somewhere else?

Remember, your eyes have the power to build bridges or build walls. Choose wisely.

2) Being preoccupied with your phone

I’ll never forget this one time when I was catching up with an old friend. It had been years since we’d last seen each other, and I was thrilled to reconnect.

But as we sat down for coffee, I noticed something. Her phone was constantly in her hand. She was scrolling through social media, responding to messages, and barely making eye contact.

I tried to keep the conversation going, but it felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I felt ignored and dismissed.

That’s when I realized how much a little screen can create a big distance.

Being preoccupied with your phone during conversations can make the people you’re with feel unimportant and unheard. It’s a surefire way to create distance, even when you’re physically close.

So, next time you’re with someone, try putting the phone away. Be present in the moment and show them they matter. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.

3) Negative body language

Body language is a fascinating thing. It’s said that over 70% of our communication is non-verbal. That means, more often than not, it’s not what we say but how we say it that truly matters.

Crossed arms, furrowed brows, and turned backs don’t just reflect our feelings—they speak volumes to the people we’re communicating with. These seemingly insignificant gestures can be perceived as defensive or unapproachable, creating an invisible wall between us and others.

So, next time you’re in a conversation, pay attention to your body language. It might be speaking louder than your words.

4) Dominating the conversation

We all know someone who loves to talk – and talk, and talk. While it’s great to share your thoughts and experiences, dominating the conversation can make others feel unheard and unimportant.

In a healthy conversation, there should be a balance between talking and listening. If you’re always the one speaking, it sends a message that you’re not interested in what other people have to say.

So, if you’re eager to connect with others, try to restrain from holding the spotlight all the time. Encourage others to share their thoughts and show genuine interest in what they have to say.

Remember, communication is a two-way street. The more you listen, the more you learn.

5) Not expressing appreciation

Think about how it feels when someone thanks you for something you’ve done. It’s more than just polite—it makes you feel valued, noticed, and important.

But when we forget to express our appreciation, we can inadvertently make people feel taken for granted. It’s like their efforts and kindness just disappear into thin air.

So, let’s not let our busy lives and endless to-do lists make us forget the magic of a simple “thank you”.

Showing appreciation doesn’t have to be grand gestures. It can be as simple as a warm smile, a heartfelt compliment or a sincere “thank you”.

Because in the end, we all want to feel appreciated. And it’s often the little things that make the biggest difference.

6) Being overly critical

I’ve always been a perfectionist. I strive for excellence in everything I do, and I hold myself to high standards. But there was a time when I let this trait spill over into my relationships.

I would jump in with advice or criticism, thinking I was helping. But in reality, I was creating a distance between me and the people I cared about. They started to feel judged and less comfortable around me.

Being overly critical can make people feel like they’re walking on eggshells, constantly fearing that they might do something wrong. It’s a quick way to push people away, even if your intentions are good.

So, remember: everyone has their own journey, their own struggles and their own pace. Instead of criticizing, try to be supportive and understanding. It makes all the difference.

7) Avoiding vulnerability

Vulnerability is scary. It’s like standing in the middle of a spotlight, completely exposed. But it’s also one of the most powerful ways to connect with others.

When we avoid being vulnerable, we put up a wall. We keep people at a safe distance, where they can’t see our fears, our dreams, our flaws, or our mistakes.

But this wall doesn’t just protect us—it isolates us. It prevents us from forming deep, meaningful connections with others.

So, next time you feel the urge to retreat into your shell, try taking a small step towards vulnerability instead. Share a little more, open up a little more. You might be surprised at how it can bring people closer.

8) Not making time

Life is busy. There are always a million things to do, places to be, goals to achieve. But amidst all this hustle, it’s easy to forget something crucial: relationships need time.

When we don’t make time for people, we subtly communicate that they’re not a priority. And that’s a surefire way to create distance.

So, no matter how busy you are, always make time for the people who matter to you. It’s the most precious gift you can give.

Final thoughts: It’s all about awareness

When it comes to human connection, awareness is key. It’s about understanding our actions and how they impact others. It’s about recognizing that even the smallest behaviors can create distance, even when we crave closeness.

Each of these eight behaviors is like a brick in a wall. The more bricks we add, the higher the wall becomes. But just as we can build these walls, we can also tear them down.

It starts with awareness. It starts with understanding that our actions, no matter how small, have an impact. And it starts with making a conscious choice to bring people closer, rather than pushing them away.

So, as you go about your day, keep these behaviors in mind. Reflect on your actions and how they might be affecting your relationships. And remember, change starts from within.

At the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being aware, being open, and being willing to change. Because that’s how we build connections—real, meaningful connections—that stand the test of time.