There’s a fine line between love and control that’s often blurred in relationships.

Love is about respect, understanding, and freedom. But when it becomes about rules, restrictions, and power play, it’s not love – it’s control.

Being in a relationship with someone who’s controlling can be tough to recognize, especially when you’re in the thick of it. And let’s face it; we often mistake control for care.

But here’s the thing: You deserve to be loved, not controlled.

So, I’ve compiled a list of 8 telltale signs that you might be in a relationship with someone who’s controlling you, rather than loving you. Let’s unravel these signs together.

1) They’re always right

In a healthy relationship, disagreements are normal. They’re opportunities for growth, understanding and compromise. However, if you find yourself in a situation where your partner is always right and you’re always wrong, take a step back.

It’s important to realize that no one is right 100% of the time. And if your partner insists they are, it’s not about truth or logic – it’s about control.

A controlling person often finds it hard to recognize and accept their mistakes. They’ll twist the narrative, blame others, and do whatever they can to maintain their perceived superiority.

Remember, being in a loving relationship isn’t about winning or losing arguments. It’s about mutual respect, understanding and growing together. And accepting when we’re wrong is a big part of that. So if your partner can’t ever admit when they’re wrong, you might be dealing with someone who’s more interested in controlling you than loving you.

2) They dictate your social circle

This one really hit home for me.

In my past relationship, my partner would always have a say in who I could hang out with – even going as far as making me choose between them and my friends. They’d keep a constant check on who I was talking to, who I was meeting, and would always want to be included in my plans.

I thought it was just because they cared or maybe they were just a little over-protective. But looking back, I realize that it was their way of keeping tabs on me and controlling who I interacted with.

Your social circle is yours to define. And while it’s fine for your partner to express concerns about certain individuals, they shouldn’t be dictating who you can or cannot associate with.

If your partner is trying to isolate you from your friends or family, it may be a sign that they’re controlling you, not loving you.

3) They invade your personal space

Personal space is essential for any individual’s mental well-being. It’s the boundary we draw around ourselves to maintain privacy and allow for personal growth. But surprisingly, in a controlling relationship, this personal space often gets invaded.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that partners who invade their significant other’s privacy are more likely to be controlling and manipulative. This invasion can come in many forms, from going through your personal belongings without permission, to insisting on having all your passwords, or even tracking your movements online or offline.

Invasion of personal space is not a sign of love or concern, but rather a red flag indicating control. Everyone deserves their own personal space and privacy, even when in a relationship. If your partner doesn’t respect this, you might be dealing with someone who’s controlling you, rather than loving you.

4) They constantly criticize you

Constructive criticism is a part of growth and improvement. But there’s a stark difference between feedback that builds you up and criticism that breaks you down.

If your partner is constantly criticizing your looks, your behavior, your work, or any other aspect of your life, it’s not about helping you grow; it’s about undermining your self-esteem. A controlling person will often use criticism as a tool to make you feel inferior and dependent on them.

In a loving relationship, your partner should lift you up, not tear you down. There’s no room for constant negativity or belittlement. So if you’re constantly on the receiving end of harsh criticism from your partner, it might be one of the signs that they’re controlling you, not loving you.

5) They make you feel guilty

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, it’s never enough? Or that you’re always the one to blame for every problem or argument in your relationship?

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and a controlling partner knows exactly how to use it to their advantage. They’ll make you feel guilty for things you have no control over, or even for expressing your feelings.

Love should never make you feel guilty for being yourself. It should give you the freedom to express your emotions without the fear of judgment or blame.

Being in a relationship means sharing happiness and sorrows, successes and failures. But if you’re constantly feeling guilty or being made to feel that way, it’s not love – it’s control. You deserve better than that.

6) They dismiss your feelings

I remember a time when I was upset about something that had happened at work. I was looking for a listening ear, some comfort, but instead, I was met with indifference. My feelings were dismissed as if they didn’t matter, as if I was overreacting.

Dismissing your emotions or belittling your concerns is a powerful tactic used by controlling partners. It’s their way of invalidating how you feel and making you question your own perceptions.

In a healthy relationship, your feelings should be acknowledged and respected, not brushed aside or ignored. If your partner consistently dismisses your feelings or emotions, it’s a sign that they’re controlling you, not loving you.

7) They demand your constant attention

Does your partner demand your attention every moment of every day? Do they get angry or upset when you’re busy or when you want some time to yourself?

A controlling partner often craves constant attention and gets upset when they don’t get it. They’ll make you feel guilty for spending time on your hobbies, interests, or with other people.

While it’s normal to want your partner’s attention, it becomes a problem when it turns into a demand, stifling your personal time and space.

In a healthy relationship, there should be a balance. Both partners should be able to enjoy their own time and space without feeling guilty or threatened. If your partner demands all of your attention all the time, it’s a clear sign that they’re controlling you, not loving you.

8) They threaten or intimidate you

This is perhaps the most alarming sign of all. If your partner resorts to threats or intimidation to get their way, it’s a serious red flag.

Whether it’s threatening to break up, harm themselves, or even harm you, it’s not just control – it’s abuse. These tactics are used to manipulate you into submission and make you feel powerless.

Remember, love should make you feel safe, not scared. Threats and intimidation have no place in a loving relationship. If your partner uses these tactics, it’s a clear sign that they’re controlling you, not loving you. Seek help immediately.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-love

The journey to understanding and recognizing control in a relationship can be a challenging one. But it’s essential to remember that love is about respect, freedom, and mutual growth.

A quote by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, beautifully encapsulates this: “True love is respecting the other person’s individuality, allowing that person to express himself or herself without trying to change him or her.”

If you find yourself in a situation where you’re constantly feeling inferior, guilty, or scared, it’s time to reflect on the nature of your relationship.

Love should never leave you feeling controlled or trapped. It should liberate you, make you feel valued and cherished for who you are.

Recognizing these signs of control is the first step towards reclaiming your freedom and finding the love that you truly deserve. Always remember to love yourself first, for it is only when we love ourselves that we can truly recognize and appreciate the love we receive from others.