8 phrases to avoid if you don’t want to come across as “too nice”

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | January 14, 2025, 6:31 am

There’s a fine line between being kind and becoming a pushover.

This boundary is often blurred by the words we use. Saying yes too often, or always putting others before yourself can make you seem “too nice”.

Being “too nice” can invite others to take advantage of your kindness. But remember, there’s a difference between being genuinely nice and letting others walk all over you.

And guess what? There are certain phrases that can tip the scale towards the latter.

So, here are eight phrases you might want to avoid, if you don’t want to come across as “too nice”. Because being kind doesn’t have to mean saying yes to everything.

1) “I don’t mind”

Being the go-to person for every favor or request can make you seem overly accommodating, or worse, a pushover.

This often happens when we use phrases like “I don’t mind”. While this phrase seems harmless, it can send the message that your own needs and preferences are secondary.

This is not about being selfish, but about setting boundaries. When you constantly put others’ needs before your own, you risk being taken for granted.

Remember, it’s okay to say no when something doesn’t align with your personal needs or time constraints. So, next time you’re about to say “I don’t mind”, pause and consider if it’s something you genuinely want to do or if you’re just trying to please others.

Avoiding this phrase will help ensure that your kindness doesn’t get mistaken for weakness.

2) “It’s not a big deal”

I remember a time when I was always the one to brush off any inconvenience with a quick “It’s not a big deal”. I thought it made me look easygoing and flexible.

But then I noticed something. People started to expect me to always be available, to always agree, to always accommodate. My “It’s not a big deal” had turned into an open invitation for others to disregard my own needs or feelings.

This phrase, while meant to diffuse tension or show understanding, can often lead to the opposite effect. It can diminish your own experiences and feelings, making them seem unimportant or insignificant.

So now, I try to be more mindful about using this phrase. I certainly don’t want to come across as a complainer, but it’s important for me to communicate clearly when something is indeed a big deal for me.

Be careful with this phrase. It might seem like you’re being nice and accommodating, but overuse can blur your boundaries and show you as “too nice”.

3) “Sorry to bother you”

Did you know that the average person says “sorry” approximately 8 times a day? That’s a lot of apologies, especially when you consider how often we say it unnecessarily.

“Sorry to bother you” is one such phrase where we tend to over-apologize. It implies that you’re an interruption or a nuisance, undermining your self-worth and making you seem less confident.

While it’s important to be polite and considerate, excessively apologizing can make you seem overly submissive or even insincere.

So next time, instead of starting your sentence with “Sorry to bother you”, try a more confident approach. Say “Excuse me” or “Do you have a moment?” instead. It’s a small change, but it can make a big difference in how others perceive you.

4) “Whatever you want”

While it’s important to be flexible and open-minded, constantly saying “whatever you want” can make you appear indecisive or lacking in opinion.

This phrase, used excessively, gives others the impression that their preferences always take precedence over yours. It can lead them to believe that you’re okay with anything and everything, often leaving your own needs and desires overlooked.

Being considerate of others’ wishes is a wonderful trait, but remember, your opinions and desires matter too.

Instead of defaulting to “whatever you want”, try expressing your preference or at least engaging in a discussion about the options. This way, you show that you value both your own opinions and those of others, without coming across as “too nice”.

5) “I’m always here for you”

Having someone’s back is a beautiful thing. But constantly assuring others that “I’m always here for you”, can unintentionally paint a picture of you as someone with no personal boundaries.

While it’s important to support our friends and family, promising an ‘always’ can set an unrealistic expectation. After all, we all have our own lives, responsibilities, and challenges to attend to.

Being there for someone shouldn’t mean neglecting your own needs. It’s okay to take time for yourself, and it’s okay to not always be available.

So instead of saying “I’m always here for you”, try phrases like “I’m here for you when I can be” or “I’ll do my best to support you”. This way, you offer your support while also acknowledging your own needs and boundaries. It’s a subtle shift but one that can prevent you from seeming “too nice” and getting overwhelmed.

6) “No worries, I can handle it”

Once, during a particularly hectic week at work, I found myself juggling multiple projects and deadlines. Despite the workload, I kept assuring my team with a cheerful “No worries, I can handle it”.

In my mind, I was showing my capability and reliability. But what happened was quite different. This phrase became an open invitation for more work, more responsibilities, and less consideration for my time and energy.

It’s great to be dependable, but it’s also important to recognize your limits. Constantly taking on more than you can handle doesn’t make you a superhero; it makes you prone to burnout.

Instead of always saying “No worries, I can handle it”, try to assess your workload realistically and communicate effectively when you’re nearing capacity. It’s okay to admit when you’re overwhelmed. It doesn’t make you any less capable or reliable; it makes you human.

7) “It’s okay”

While “It’s okay” is a common phrase used to express understanding or forgiveness, its overuse can be problematic.

Often, we use “It’s okay” as a quick response to dismiss our feelings or downplay situations that actually bother us or cause discomfort. This can lead others to believe that our feelings are not important, making us seem overly agreeable or “too nice”.

Remember, your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to express them. If something bothers you, it’s better to address it than to brush it off with a quick “It’s okay”.

By being more mindful of your use of this phrase, you can ensure that your needs and feelings are respected and acknowledged.

8) “I’m fine”

“I’m fine” is often the go-to response when we want to avoid confrontation, hide our true feelings, or make others comfortable. But in doing so, we neglect our own emotional health.

These two words can mask a range of emotions – from disappointment to frustration, from discomfort to sadness. By saying “I’m fine” when we’re not, we’re essentially telling others that our feelings don’t matter.

Being nice doesn’t mean you have to hide your emotions. Your feelings are just as important as anyone else’s, and it’s crucial to express them honestly and openly.

So, if you’re not fine, don’t say you are. It’s okay to share your feelings. Doing so doesn’t make you any less nice; it makes you authentic and real.

Final thoughts

The essence of communication lies in its authenticity. When we downplay our needs, feelings, or opinions with phrases that make us come across as “too nice”, we aren’t being entirely honest—neither with others nor with ourselves.

Remember, your self-worth is not determined by how accommodating you can be, but by how much respect you have for yourself and your boundaries.

Being genuinely kind doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means being considerate and compassionate, but also assertive and respectful of your own needs.

So, the next time you find yourself about to use one of these phrases, take a moment. Reflect on what you truly want to express. Be courageous enough to show your authenticity.

Because real kindness begins with being kind to yourself.