7 things people say when they’ve moved beyond surface-level attraction

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | April 30, 2025, 6:40 am

Romantic attraction is a strange and complex beast, often starting with the surface-level, the physical. But what happens when we move beyond that? What words come out of our mouths when the connection gets deeper?

Here’s the thing. When people start feeling more than just skin-deep attraction, their language changes. They begin to say things that hint at a deeper connection, at an emotional bond that goes beyond the physical.

In this article, I’ll share with you seven phrases people often use when they’ve moved past simple physical attraction. These are expressions that suggest a deeper understanding and connection. So grab a cup of coffee, sit back, and let’s dive in!

1) I appreciate you

When we’re caught in the whirlwind of physical attraction, we often focus on the person’s looks, their style, or their body. But as we move beyond that surface-level attraction, our words start to reflect that deeper connection.

A phrase like “I appreciate you” goes beyond just the physical. It’s not about how they look or what they’re wearing. It’s about who they are as a person, their values, their personality. It’s about recognizing their worth and expressing gratitude for having them in your life.

Saying “I appreciate you” suggests a deep understanding and respect for the other person as an individual. It’s a clear indicator that the attraction has moved beyond mere physicality.

Remember, these words carry weight. It’s not just a simple compliment; it’s an affirmation of the person’s value in your life. So use them sincerely and genuinely, because honesty is key when it comes to matters of the heart.

2) I’m here for you

One of the phrases that really hit home for me when I knew I was moving beyond just a surface-level attraction was “I’m here for you”. This wasn’t just about being physically present, it was about emotional availability and support.

I remember when my partner at the time was going through a tough phase at work. They were stressed, overworked, and felt like they were carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. And that’s when I found myself saying, “I’m here for you”.

This wasn’t about offering solutions or fixes. It was about providing emotional support, being a shoulder to lean on, and letting them know they weren’t alone in their struggle.

And that’s when it hit me. My feelings had evolved beyond just physical attraction. I cared deeply about their well-being and wanted to be there for them in their time of need. This phrase, “I’m here for you”, was a clear sign of my growing emotional connection and investment in our relationship.

3) I understand

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. But it isn’t just about expressing our own feelings and thoughts, it’s also about understanding the other person’s point of view. That’s where the phrase “I understand” comes into play.

When we say “I understand”, we’re not just acknowledging the other person’s words. We’re showing that we’ve truly listened to their thoughts and feelings, that we’ve empathized with them, and that we’re on the same page.

Interestingly, research from psychologists at the University of California, Berkeley, found that partners who show understanding towards each other are more likely to maintain a happy relationship. This simple phrase not only indicates a deep emotional connection, but it also promotes a healthy and strong relationship dynamic. So next time your partner shares something with you, try responding with “I understand”. It could make all the difference.

4) You’re important to me

As attraction deepens, our language begins to reveal the significance of the other person in our life. A telling phrase in this regard is, “You’re important to me”.

This phrase is no casual compliment. It’s an explicit acknowledgement of the other person’s value in your life. It shows that you care about them beyond the physical, that they hold a special place in your heart, and that their happiness matters to you.

When people express this sentiment, it’s a clear indication that they are emotionally invested in the relationship and see the other person as a significant part of their life.

So when you find yourself saying “You’re important to me”, know that you’ve moved beyond surface-level attraction. You’re now navigating the deeper waters of emotional connection and genuine affection.

5) I trust you

Trust is the bedrock of any solid relationship. It’s about opening up, being vulnerable, and believing in the other person’s integrity. That’s why “I trust you” is such a powerful statement.

I remember a time when I was faced with a big career decision. I was torn, unsure of which path to take. And that’s when I turned to my partner and said, “I trust you, what do you think I should do?”

In that moment, I wasn’t just seeking advice. I was putting my future in their hands, trusting in their judgment, and showing my belief in their understanding of me. It was a leap of faith that clearly showed how much I had moved beyond mere physical attraction.

Saying “I trust you” requires a deep level of emotional connection and suggests a strong bond that goes beyond the surface. It indicates that you value the other person’s judgment and believe in their integrity, which is a clear sign of deep emotional attraction.

6) I love spending time with you

As attraction deepens, it’s no longer just about the physical. It’s about wanting to share experiences, moments, and time together. That’s why the phrase “I love spending time with you” is such a strong indicator of moving beyond surface-level attraction.

This phrase doesn’t just mean you enjoy being in each other’s company. It signifies that the connection you share is more than skin deep. It’s about cherishing the shared experiences, the conversations, and even the comfortable silences.

When someone says “I love spending time with you”, it shows that they value your presence and the connection you share. It’s not just about physical proximity; it’s about emotional connection and shared experiences. It highlights a deeper level of attraction that goes beyond the physical and delves into the emotional.

7) I see a future with you

Perhaps the most powerful phrase that signifies a deep emotional connection is “I see a future with you”. This phrase goes beyond the present moment, beyond the physical, and ventures into the realm of long-term commitment.

When someone says “I see a future with you”, they’re expressing their desire to continue growing with you, to build a life together. This is no casual comment. It’s a profound declaration that demonstrates a deep emotional bond and a desire for continuity.

This phrase affirms that the attraction has moved far beyond the surface level and ventured into deeper emotional territory. It implies shared dreams, plans, and aspirations for the future. It’s the ultimate expression of moving beyond surface-level attraction.

Final thoughts: It’s all about connection

Love and attraction are complex, multi-layered phenomena that go beyond mere physicality. As we delve deeper into relationships, our language evolves to reflect this complexity.

When we say things like “I appreciate you”, “I’m here for you”, or “I see a future with you”, we’re expressing a deep emotional bond that goes beyond the surface. We’re moving from attraction to connection, from fleeting infatuation to enduring love.

Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love suggests that consummate love, the highest form of love, involves intimacy, passion, and commitment. These three elements are reflected in the phrases people use when they’ve moved beyond surface-level attraction.

So next time you find yourself uttering these phrases or hearing them from your partner, take a moment to reflect on their depth. Recognize the profound emotional connection they represent and cherish the depth of your relationship. After all, love isn’t just about attraction; it’s about connection.