All I See Is You is an intriguing film about manipulation and emotional dependence. 

The 2016 movie stars Blake Lively and Jason Clarke who are a happily married couple despite the fact that Gina (played by Lively) is dependent on her husband James (Clarke) because of her blindness. 

Strangely, James seems to enjoy Gina’s dependence on him. He even says it makes him feel “special”. 

Gina soon gets a cornea transplant which successfully restores the vision in one of her eyes. As she begins to step into her newfound independence, her marriage begins to falter. 

The couple decide to go to Spain as a way to revive their disintegrating chemistry. The trip magnifies Gina’s growing confidence and autonomy, showing that she is no longer dependent on James, who in turn, finds that he is unable to connect to this new version of his wife. 

James becomes resentful and increasingly starts to show signs of possessiveness. 

As you can guess, the film takes on a more sinister turn and James begins to manipulate things so that Gina will always be physically and emotionally dependent on him. 

Even though this is a film and the examples of emotional manipulation are extreme, manipulators tend to play some common mind games to keep their victims dependent on them. 

Here are five such disturbing tactics.

1) They bombard you with love bombing 

Love bombing has become a commonplace term in our culture and it refers to being inundated with intense attention. 

In romantic relationships, it can look like being sent flowers all the time, getting lavish gifts, excessive flattery, and grand gestures. 

It can give the recipient a “high”.

But these are just the “positive” things. The other side of love bombing can be ignored boundaries, a demand for all of your time, possessiveness, and extreme jealousy. 

Being love bombed might feel like love—the red flags easily chalked up to passion—except that it is anything but.

There is a key difference between love bombing and genuine affection says the team at The Attachment Project. 

And that’s the intention behind it. 

Genuine affection happens through an authentic desire to show love, care, and support for another person. It also doesn’t ask for anything in return.

“In contrast, love bombing is driven by the intention to create an intense emotional bond that promotes dependence and control.”

The constant attention and praise associated with love bombing actually stimulates the reward center of the brain, says the staff at The Attachment Project. It’s kind of like eating chocolate, achieving a goal, or doing something you really enjoy. 

“Over time, the target becomes emotionally invested and reliant on the love bomber to deliver the adoration that triggers their brain’s reward center.”

The disturbing thing is that when the victim becomes dependent on the love bombing, they ignore the red flags and warning signs. 

Boundaries will be routinely ignored until there are basically none. 

“The love bomber may manipulate the target by denying their feelings, lying, or twisting the truth to maintain control and create confusion and doubt in the target’s mind. The love bomber may use threats of withdrawal or abandonment to control the target.”

Manipulators are usually very intelligent people. They know that their target will become dependent on the attention and want it as a way of seeing reassurance. 

“Reassurance-seeking behaviors in relationships are concretely associated with creating a sense of dependence.”

2) They’re good at making you feel bad 

Manipulators have a way of making you feel bad about yourself now that they can get what they want from you, says a guest author at Prowess: Women in Business. 

They have a number of phrases they use to get a person into defensive mode. 

One of the most common things they say: “You’re lying.”

“It’s because they know it will get their target into defensive mode where you are more vulnerable and prone to give into their wishes.” 

They might also say things like: “You’re so negative,” or “I see you want to start a fight.”

Twisting and turning things back on the target makes them look like the bad guy and get all the guilt. 

“Master manipulators can use these expressions to flip the situation and suggest that you are the perpetrator,” the author says.

This strategy is referred to as DARVO and it means to deny, attack, and reverse [the roles of the] victim and offender.

“It’s a very powerful form of manipulation often used by psychological abusers and narcissists.”

A target can get caught relying on a manipulator’s approval, who in turn, preys on this. 

Consider this quote by Harriet B. Braiker:

“If you are an approval addict, your behavior is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator need do is a simple two-step process: Give you what you crave, and then threaten to take it away. Every drug dealer in the world plays this game.”

3) They like to foster fear 

Manipulators employ sarcasm and put-downs as a way to invoke fear and self-doubt. 

The point is to make the person feel unworthy and rely on them for their “better” judgment. 

They’re also adept at making others ashamed for “daring to challenge” them. 

Their aim is to foster a feeling of inadequacy in their target.

“Fear is the best weapon of all great manipulators,” says lifestyle writer Sofo Archon. “It can move people to do anything, no matter how nonsensical it is.”

They might threaten to leave the relationship if you don’t comply with something. 

Threatening to break up, divorce, withhold love, or anything else along those lines is manipulation, says Dr. Jenn Mann. 

“If you go to that nightclub, I am going to file for divorce!” is one example. There could also be veiled threats, Mann says, such as: “The last woman who did this with me is gone!”

Threats illicit fear in the target, backing them into a corner. 

4) They’ll also stir up sympathy 

A partner’s vulnerability is a manipulative person’s playground. 

And emotionally manipulative people prey on this vulnerability, says Jabeen Begum, MD.

“They may play the victim or remind you of past favors. They want you to feel a sense of obligation or sympathy that they think will make them more likely to get what they want.”

Manipulators know how to make themselves victims to gain sympathy, says psychotherapist and author Isabelle Nazare-Aga. 

They might exaggerate an illness, complain about their difficult life, or about how they are overloaded with work, for example. 

Emotional manipulators are masters at altering reality to their advantage using lies, fibs, and misstatements in order to confuse you, says Timothy J. Legg, PhD. 

“They may exaggerate events to make themselves seem more vulnerable. They may also understate their role in a conflict in order to gain your sympathy.”

5) They’re not above emotionally blackmailing you

The undertone of emotional blackmail is if you don’t do what I want when I want it, you will suffer, says Karen Doll PsyD. 

It was psychologist Susan Forward, PhD who coined the phrase “emotional blackmail”.

In her book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, Forward talks about how abusers place demands to create everything from anger, fear, and guilt as a way of soliciting compliance from their victims. 

The structure of emotional blackmail begins with a demand, followed by pressure to fulfill the request, and finally, being threatened with punishing consequences, she says in her podcast, Defeating Emotional Blackmail and Manipulation With Susan Forward. 

Threats don’t always have to be blatant; indeed, they can be subtle. 

“Subtle threats come in the form of pouting, sulking, passive aggressive comments, while blatant threats are overtly articulated consequences of ‘if ___, then ___’.

You don’t have to be dependent on an emotional manipulator

Psychologist Nicole LePera, who often makes waves on “X” (formerly Twitter) for her detailed threads on healing from trauma, says that manipulation in family dynamics can be unconscious.

This means that members may not even be aware of these patterns. 

“[That’s because] many of them have been based from generation to generation. Manipulation can be of many kinds.”

LePera says that there are ways to break the manipulation cycle so that you aren’t emotionally dependent on them.

The first thing to do is create boundaries, she says. “[These] are not for others to follow, but your own choices.”

Secondly, people may not be okay with your boundaries. In fact, you can pretty much guarantee this with a manipulator. “This may involve emotional outbursts.” 

But breathe through it, LePera says. “Breathe through the negativity and remove yourself from the situation.”

There’s a good chance that the manipulator in your life will make you feel selfish for choosing yourself before anyone else. That’s okay, says LePera. “Be kind to yourself.” 

LePera says to seek your peace. “Maintain your mental peace, no matter what it takes.”

It’s also okay to grieve. “Sometimes moving out of a situation where you have been the fixer for someone else may make you sad. Give yourself time to grieve through it.”

Last but not certainly not least—don’t question your reality, says LePera. 

“Emotionally manipulative people often make us question our choices and reality.”

Remember: healthy people will always accept you for the way you are.