None of us want to feel insecure, that’s obvious.

But what’s less obvious is all the ways that we unknowingly feed our own insecurities every single day.

In doing so, we become our worst enemy, silently eating away at our confidence.

The trick is to pay greater attention to the sneaky habits that you may not realize are doing damage behind the scenes.

Here’s what to watch out for…

1) Using social media too much

The potential ill effects of social media are well-documented. But the one we’re most interested in here is the damage it can do to self-esteem.

I’m not trying to demonize social media, it can be a fun and connective tool. But the more we scroll, the more we open ourselves up to constant comparison.

We’ve all done it. It’s a big world out there, and suddenly you have everyone else’s lives thrust into your living room.

But rather than it bear any resemblance to reality, it’s usually an artificial projection of all the best bits. It’s designed to be envy-inducing.

But at what cost?

It all too often leaves us with some serious FOMO (fear of missing out) that can leave us with feelings of deep inadequacy about ourselves and our lives.

For this reason, if you limit your social media use and reinvest that energy into your own personal growth, you’ll see how many of your insecurities melt away.

Remember, it’s true what they say: Comparison is the thief of joy.

2) Short-changing yourself on sleep

Getting a good night’s sleep is a big deal when it comes to wellbeing.

That’s why when you take a look at our sleeping habits, it’s a bit concerning.

Statistics show that half of the world’s population report getting less sleep than they need, with 80% of people simply trying to catch up on weekends.

It’s not just the physical impact that we need to be aware of, there are also psychological considerations.

You might have noticed that sleep deprivation can play with your emotions.

For example, I know that I can be way grumpier and more short-tempered with people when I’m sleepy.

This is something that’s backed up by research.

One study published in the Journal of Neuroscience found that not getting enough shut-eye can make you feel extremely emotional, and hence, make you far more reactive.

It concluded:

“Sleep loss is known as a robust modulator of emotional reactivity, leading to increased anxiety and stress elicited by seemingly minor triggers.”

In layman’s terms: We start to make a mountain out of a molehill!

It strips away our confidence so that our fears and insecurities get the better of us and can be blown out of proportion.

There’s no getting away from it:

If you want to feel your mental fittest, you have to establish healthy routines for sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

3) Getting that second opinion

“What do you think?”

It’s a harmless-seeming question.

In fact, in many ways, we often praise those people who actively consider the thoughts and feelings of others.

It can be a sign of high social intelligence, empathy, and emotional intelligence.

Someone else’s advice can certainly be useful. We may seek it to reaffirm what we already think, or gain a new perspective.  

But we have to be mindful of the potential underlying message that we are unwittingly sending too.

It starts to eat away at your self-esteem when it becomes habitual.

Especially when it has to do with decisions in your own life, it shows that you don’t trust yourself to make the right choices for you.

If you always turn to others you undermine your self-belief and confidence to handle things yourself.

Whilst it’s okay to seek support, it’s also important that we build our own emotional independence.  

4) Kicking yourself over silly mistakes

We tend to do it countless times a day, without giving it much thought.

Sometimes, the sillier the mistake seems, the more we kick ourselves for it — even when it doesn’t particularly matter.  

“Damn it, I forgot to buy milk on the way home.”

But regardless of the gravity of the error, whenever we dwell on our slip-ups we only end up amplifying our insecurities.

We need to learn how to better shrug off the little things, rather than pay them too much mind.

We’re only human, these things happen.

As for the bigger mistakes, we can end up beating ourselves up over, we should try to shift the way we see them.

When we adopt a growth mindset we’re better at embracing failure as an opportunity for growth.

The framework we use can make all the difference. It will dictate whether we let our mistakes deepen our insecurities or if we use them to propel us toward greater learning.  

As we’ll see next, a lot of that will come down to that little voice in your head that chatters away in the background.

5) Saying disparaging things to yourself

Mental habits like negative thinking and negative self-talk become so ingrained that we barely notice it happening anymore.

We simply get used to hearing that little voice in the back of our heads, so we don’t stop to scrutinize the content of what it’s saying.

If we did, we’d likely be shocked.

If someone we knew spoke to us this way, we’d quickly label it a toxic relationship.

Many of us have an inner critic that chimes in to tell us when we’ve been “stupid”.

It undermines our confidence by reminding us of all the ways we’re not good enough.

Is it any wonder that it’s a sneaky source that feeds our insecurities all day long?

We might not be able to completely cut out this critic, but we can learn to question it.

That way, we start to see the negativity for the destructive force it is.

We can make a choice to question its harsh judgments and counteract them with more positive and encouraging words.

6) Putting things off for another day

Procrastination is a very easy habit to fall into. It can make us feel very lazy, but that’s not what it’s really about.

The reason for our delay tactics is in fact psychological. Here’s what happens:

There’s something you feel like you should be doing, but the thought of it creates discomfort for you.

Perhaps getting it right is important, and so you can’t help but feel nervous and pile on the pressure.

The worry and fear of failure mounts, so your brain wants to avoid the cause of this suffering — aka the task at hand.

The problem is that procrastination becomes a vicious circle. The more we avoid, the worse we feel about that.

Our guilt about it only adds to the initial negative emotions we felt.

So in the process, it strips away our confidence and feeds our insecurities, causing us to feel even more overwhelmed and hesitant to make a start.

Taking action is what makes us feel more capable, and that means tackling any tendency to procrastinate.

What’s going to help you do that is kicking the next habit on our list into touch!

7) Setting impossible standards

I am a recovering perfectionist, so I know firsthand how much it can play into your insecurities.

It makes zero room for any human flaws or unavoidable errors.

It’s not just a lot to live up to, it’s impossible to live up to. So you always feel not good enough, no matter what you do.

The extra kicker is this:

There’s a good chance you’re mislabeling perfectionism as simply having high standards.

You may tell yourself you just want the best, but you’re unknowingly setting yourself up for failure and feeding your insecurities.

We can’t have it all and do it all. Life is actually about priorities.

Neither can we control the outcome of the effort we put in.

We have to learn to let go of certain expectations. Otherwise when things don’t turn out exactly how we would like we’re left bitterly disappointed.

Chastising yourself for not being superhuman will only lead to burnout, depression, and feeling unworthy.

Insecurities keep you stuck in your comfort zone

Insecurities aren’t just a problem because of the way they make us feel about ourselves (although that’s bad enough!).

That uncertainty they create within us steals our confidence. When we are unsure and apprehensive, we hesitate.

Rather than push ourselves and embrace new opportunities, we end up making ourselves and our lives even smaller.

That’s the real cost.

That’s also why building your self-esteem to counteract insecurities is the best way to ensure you reach your full potential in life.