As people, we all crave genuine connections and healthy relationships—places where we feel valued, loved, and respected.

But not all relationships are as simple as they appear.

There are situations where someone may secretly harbor negative feelings towards us while maintaining a close relationship.

It’s not always overtly apparent when someone dislikes you but still wants to keep you within arm’s reach.

Such relationships can be emotionally draining and confusing, often leading to self-doubt and stress.

This is a complex situation that psychology can help us understand better.

So, let’s dive deeper and explore some subtle, easy-to-miss signs that someone secretly dislikes you but wants to keep you close, according to psychology.

Let’s begin.

1) They’re passive-aggressive

Passive aggression can be an easy-to-miss and subtle sign that someone might secretly dislike you but want to keep you close.

This behavior is often masked behind a facade of politeness or friendliness.

You may notice them using sarcasm towards you, hiding their negative feelings behind a smile.

They might frequently make subtle jabs or negative comments, always ensuring they’re veiled as jokes or light-hearted banter.

In some cases, they might express their disapproval or anger indirectly, such as through procrastination, sullenness, or silent treatment.

You might find them regularly cancelling plans at the last minute, always with a seemingly valid excuse.

These behaviors are a way for them to express their hidden animosity towards you while maintaining the appearance of a close relationship.

It’s a sign that they might not genuinely like you but want to keep you in their life for one reason or another.

2) They always give you backhanded compliments

Another sign to look out for is the use of backhanded compliments.

These are comments that, at first glance, appear to be compliments but are actually subtle put-downs.

Perhaps they praise your achievement but quickly follow it up with a belittling comment, something like, “You did a great job on that project, I’m surprised you pulled it off.”

Or they might compliment you in a way that highlights their own superiority or belittles your efforts, such as saying, “You’re so lucky you don’t have to work as hard as I do.”

These kinds of comments can erode your self-esteem over time and create feelings of inadequacy. They may not be overtly hostile or aggressive, but they’re a clear sign that someone is not sincerely happy with your successes and may harbor negative feelings toward you.

Yet, they keep you close, possibly to feel better about themselves or to maintain a certain image.

3) They’re overly generous

It might seem contradictory, but being overly generous can be a sign of concealed dislike.

This doesn’t mean that every generous person secretly dislikes you, but when it’s excessive or feels out of place, it’s worth paying attention to.

Perhaps they’re constantly showering you with gifts or always insisting on paying for meals, even when you’ve expressed that you’re uncomfortable with it.

Or they might always volunteer their help, even when you haven’t asked for it.

This can be a way for them to maintain control in the relationship, or to create a sense of obligation.

They may be using their generosity as a tool to keep you close, rather than as a genuine act of kindness.

The underlying message could be: “I’ve done so much for you, so you owe me.”

4) They make you feel like you’re treading on eggshells

A subtle but telling sign that someone secretly dislikes you but keeps you close is when they make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

This is when their mood swings and unpredictable reactions leave you anxious and careful about what you say or do.

Maybe they overreact to minor things, or perhaps their mood seems to change at the drop of a hat. One moment, they’re happy and joking around, and the next, they’re cold and distant.

This unpredictability can leave you feeling anxious, constantly trying to avoid saying or doing something that might upset them. It’s a stressful way to live and can take a toll on your mental health.

The truth is, if someone genuinely cared for you, they would want you to feel comfortable and secure around them, not anxious and unsure. 

5) They don’t celebrate your successes

Kindness and empathy are key elements in any genuine relationship. But if someone secretly dislikes you but wants to keep you close, they might struggle to feel genuinely happy for your successes.

You may notice that they downplay your achievements or change the subject quickly when you share good news. They might even seem distracted, uninterested, or rush to share their own news instead of acknowledging yours.

This lack of enthusiasm for your accomplishments can hurt, especially coming from someone you consider close.

While everyone has off days, the consistent lack of support and celebration for your happiness is a warning sign.

It’s important to surround yourself with people who genuinely celebrate your victories and uplift you, rather than those who downplay your successes.

6) They only reach out when they need something

We all have friends or acquaintances who only seem to remember us when they need a favor. It’s something that many of us have experienced at some point.

If someone keeps you close but only reaches out when they need something, it can be a sign that they secretly dislike you. They may not value your relationship for its own sake but see it as a means to an end.

You might notice that their calls or texts often start with “Can you…” or “I need…”. Or perhaps they’re always too busy when you need support, but expect you to be there for them.

While it’s perfectly normal to ask for help in a friendship, a relationship where one person is always giving, and the other is always taking can be emotionally draining and unfulfilling.

It’s important to have reciprocal relationships where both parties are willing to support each other.

7) They’re overly competitive

A little friendly competition can be fun, right?

Game nights, sports, or even who can finish a burger the fastest—these can all be great ways to bond.

But when someone starts turning every interaction into a competition, it might be a sign that they secretly dislike you.

Perhaps they’re always trying to one-up your stories or achievements. Got a new job? They’ve had a better one. Have you run a marathon? They’ve run an ultra-marathon.

Or maybe it’s more subtle, like always needing to have the last word in a conversation or constantly striving to outdo you in trivial tasks.

While it’s healthy to have ambition and drive, relationships should be about support and collaboration, not constant competition.

If every interaction feels like an exhausting race, it might be time to consider if this person truly values your relationship or is simply keeping you around for their own ego boost.

8) They never apologize

Honesty can be tough, but it’s necessary.

If someone never apologizes when they’re wrong, it’s a clear sign of disrespect, and it may indicate that they secretly dislike you.

They always find a way to turn things around and make it seem like you’re the one at fault. Or maybe they ignore the issue altogether, hoping it will just disappear without them having to admit their mistakes.

Apologizing when we’re wrong is a basic aspect of respect and empathy in any relationship. It shows that we value the other person’s feelings and are willing to take responsibility for our actions.

If someone never apologizes to you, it doesn’t just show their unhealthy ego or stubbornness; it shows their lack of respect for you.

You deserve better. Remember that it’s okay to demand respect and to walk away from relationships that are damaging to your self-worth.

Trust your gut

Finally, and most importantly, trust your gut.

Your intuition is a powerful tool, and it can often pick up on subtle signs and nuances that your conscious mind may overlook.

If something doesn’t feel right about the way someone behaves towards you, even if they keep you close, don’t ignore that feeling.

You might not be able to put your finger on it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not valid.

Remember, you deserve respect and genuine care in all your relationships.

If someone’s behavior consistently makes you feel undervalued or uncomfortable, it’s okay to create distance or cut ties altogether.

Listen to your instincts, value your own feelings, and don’t be afraid to prioritize your emotional well-being.

After all, you know yourself better than anyone else.