There’s a significant difference between a friend who’s emotionally supportive and one who’s emotionally high-maintenance.

The key lies in the balance of give and take. An emotionally high-maintenance friend isn’t just someone who needs a shoulder to cry on now and then; they’re constantly demanding your attention, time, and energy without considering your own needs.

Understanding the behaviors of an emotionally high-maintenance friend can help you navigate these tricky relationships.

Psychology offers some insight into identifying these behaviors, which can be an invaluable tool in handling these friendships without draining your own emotional wellbeing.

Here’s a look at seven behaviors that indicate you might be dealing with an emotionally high-maintenance friend. Although it’s important to support our friends, it’s also crucial to protect our own emotional health.

Let’s dive in.

1) Constant need for reassurance

In the realm of friendships, emotional maintenance varies greatly. But when it crosses into high-maintenance territory, one key behavior stands out: a constant need for reassurance.

An emotionally high-maintenance friend often seeks affirmation, validation, and comfort from others, to an extent that it becomes overwhelming. This friend will frequently question the stability of your relationship, needing constant reassurance that you’re still friends.

This behavior isn’t just exhausting for you but also indicates an inability to self-soothe or find comfort within oneself.

In other words, a crucial part of emotional growth is learning to provide reassurance for oneself. While it’s normal to seek comfort from friends occasionally, relying on others for continual reassurance can indicate emotional high-maintenance.

It’s important to maintain a balance in friendships. If you find yourself constantly reassuring a friend about your relationship’s stability, it might be time to address this behavior.

2) Emotionally draining conversations

We’ve all had those friendships where it feels like every conversation is an emotional marathon.

For me, I had a friend named Jane. Every time we talked, the conversation would inevitably steer towards her problems, her worries, and her anxieties. It felt like I was always on the receiving end of an emotional dump.

This is a common trait of emotionally high-maintenance friends: conversations that are disproportionately about them and their issues, leaving you feeling drained. 

In Jane’s case, she wasn’t aware of the impact her constant need to vent was having on me. It’s crucial to remember that friendship is a two-way street; there should be a balance between giving and taking.

So if you’re consistently feeling emotionally exhausted after speaking with a friend, you may be dealing with an emotionally high-maintenance individual.

3) Inability to handle criticism

Ever tried to give constructive feedback to a friend, only to have them react defensively or even aggressively? This could be a sign of an emotionally high-maintenance friend.

Can they accept criticism, or do they often react negatively and become defensive? An emotionally high-maintenance friend often struggles with criticism, even when it’s given with good intentions.

This honesty includes being able to accept and learn from criticism, rather than seeing it as a personal attack.

It’s healthy and normal for friends to give each other constructive feedback. But if your friend reacts poorly to criticism, taking it as a personal affront, they might be emotionally high-maintenance.

It’s important to approach such friends delicately and reassure them that your intentions are based on care and concern.

4) Reluctance to reciprocate emotional support

Friendships thrive on mutual support and understanding. But what happens when you’re always the shoulder to cry on, and they’re never there when you need support?

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that individuals who are emotionally high-maintenance often struggle with reciprocating emotional support.

They tend to focus primarily on their own needs and emotions, often neglecting to offer the same level of care to their friends.

When you’re always offering emotional support but not receiving it in return, it can feel like you’re in a one-sided friendship. This lack of reciprocity can be draining and damaging to the relationship.

Remember, it’s important for friendships to be balanced. If you find yourself constantly being the caregiver without receiving support in return, you might be dealing with an emotionally high-maintenance friend.

It’s essential to communicate your needs and establish boundaries in such situations.

5) They are easily offended

There’s a fine line between being sensitive and being easily offended. I remember a time when I jokingly teased a friend about her unusual coffee order. Instead of laughing it off, she took it personally and was upset for the rest of the day.

This sensitivity to offense is another sign of an emotionally high-maintenance friend. They often read too much into comments, seeing personal attacks where there were none intended.

As psychologist Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” For emotionally high-maintenance individuals, this heightened defensiveness often points to underlying insecurities or fears.

While it’s essential to respect each other’s feelings in a friendship, constant walking on eggshells can be emotionally draining. When a friend frequently gets upset over minor comments or jokes, they could be emotionally high-maintenance.

6) They struggle with empathy

It might seem counterintuitive, but even though emotionally high-maintenance friends are often preoccupied with their own feelings, they can struggle with empathy.

Empathy requires us to step out of our own experiences and imagine what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes.

However, for someone who’s emotionally high-maintenance, their overwhelming emotional needs can cloud their ability to empathize with others.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman, known for his work on emotional intelligence, stated, “Empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work.” The same principle applies to friendships.

If your friend frequently struggles to understand or respond to your feelings and experiences, they could be emotionally high-maintenance. It’s crucial to communicate the importance of empathy in maintaining a balanced and healthy friendship.

7) High levels of anxiety

Emotionally high-maintenance friends often exhibit high levels of anxiety. They tend to worry excessively about their relationships, performance, or life in general.

Renowned psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” However, when persistent worry and anxiety start overshadowing the friendship, it could be a sign of emotional high-maintenance.

Recognizing these signs can help manage your relationship effectively while ensuring your own emotional well-being.

Final reflections

Navigating the complexities of human behavior, especially within the sphere of friendships, can be a challenging task. Recognizing and understanding the behaviors of an emotionally high-maintenance friend is just one step in this journey.

It’s crucial to remember that these behaviors don’t necessarily make a person bad or unworthy of friendship.

They might simply indicate a higher need for emotional support, which, when acknowledged and managed effectively, can lead to deeper understanding and bonding.

Every friendship is unique, with its own set of joys and challenges. The key lies in finding balance and ensuring that your own emotional well-being isn’t compromised.

Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries and communicate your feelings.

After all, the essence of friendship lies in mutual respect, understanding, and emotional reciprocity. So take a moment to reflect on your friendships and ask yourself whether they’re serving you as much as you are serving them.