There’s a subtle dance between seeking independence and wanting validation, especially when it comes to our parents.

The reality is, many of us, even as adults, still crave our parents’ approval. It’s not about being controlled or submissive. Rather, it’s about the quiet longing for that nod of approval, that unspoken “well done”.

Recognizing this isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, it can be a powerful tool in understanding our own motivations and actions. And smart people know there are certain traits that reveal this silent quest for validation.

In this article, we’ll explore 7 traits of grown adults who still quietly seek their parents’ approval. This isn’t a list to judge or critique but rather to understand and perhaps even embrace these qualities.

After all, who doesn’t want a little nod from mom or dad now and then?

1) They are careful decision-makers

When it comes to making decisions, those who seek their parents’ approval often tread carefully.

You see, it’s not just about choosing between A or B. It’s about considering what mom or dad would think of their choice.

This trait isn’t about being indecisive or lacking confidence. Quite the opposite, it’s a reflection of their respect for their parents’ opinions and values.

This doesn’t mean they always agree with their parents or follow their suggestions. Rather, they simply value their input and often consider it when making decisions.

Recognizing this trait can help us understand why some people may take longer to make decisions, or why they might discuss their choices with their parents.

But remember, this isn’t a negative trait. In fact, it can lead to more thoughtful and considered decisions. 

2) They often ask for advice

Let me share a personal example. Despite being a grown adult with a successful career, whenever I hit a roadblock or faced a major decision, my instinct was always to call my parents.

It wasn’t about being unable to handle things on my own. It was about the comfort I found in their wisdom and experience. And I know I’m not the only one who does this.

People who quietly seek their parents’ approval have a tendency to frequently ask them for advice. They value their parents’ opinions and believe that their insight can provide a different, often valuable, perspective.

This isn’t about dependency or a lack of ability, it’s about respect. It’s about acknowledging that while we have our own experiences and knowledge, our parents have a lifetime of lessons that we can learn from.

The next time you notice someone frequently asking their parents for advice, remember it’s not about being incapable. It’s about seeking wisdom and, in their own way, approval.

3) They strive for perfection

Did you know that striving for perfection can often be linked back to the desire for parental approval? It’s true.

Many psychologists believe that those who constantly push themselves to achieve the highest standards do so because they’re seeking validation from their parents, even if they’re not consciously aware of it.

This doesn’t mean they’re not passionate about what they do, or that their accomplishments are any less valid. Rather, it highlights the deep-rooted desire for parental approval that drives them to go above and beyond.

So, when you see someone who is constantly pushing themselves to achieve more, consider that it might just be a sign of them seeking approval from their parents. After all, who doesn’t want to make their mom or dad proud?

4) They value family traditions

One of the more subtle traits of individuals who seek their parents’ approval is their respect for family traditions. They’re often the ones who make an effort to keep these traditions alive, even if it means going out of their way.

It’s not just about nostalgia or a love for the past. It’s about maintaining a connection with their parents and showing them that they value the customs and rituals passed down through generations.

This can be seen in small gestures like cooking a family recipe on special occasions, or bigger commitments like planning family reunions.

The desire to keep family traditions alive is often a silent nod to their parents, a way of saying, “I value what you’ve taught me, and I want to keep it alive.”

5) They often speak highly of their parents

I remember a time when, at a social gathering, I found myself talking about my parents’ accomplishments and how they shaped me into who I am today. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it just happened naturally in the course of the conversation.

People who seek their parents’ approval often speak highly of them. It’s not about showing off or trying to live in their shadows. Rather, it’s a reflection of the deep respect and admiration they have for their parents.

They take pride in their parents’ achievements, and they aren’t shy to acknowledge the role their parents played in their own success. It’s as if by acknowledging their parents’ influence, they’re silently seeking their validation.

6) They seek their parents’ feedback

Ever noticed how some people, even as adults, prefer to share their achievements with their parents before anyone else? It’s not just about sharing the joy, it’s about seeking their parents’ feedback.

Whether it’s a promotion at work or a personal milestone, they value their parents’ reactions and comments. This isn’t about craving attention, it’s about acknowledging the role their parents have played in their life and wanting to share their progress with them.

Remember, seeking feedback is part of our growth process. And when it comes from those we respect and admire, it becomes even more valuable.

So, the next time you see someone sharing their accomplishments with their parents first, understand that it might just be another trait of seeking parental approval.

7) They show empathy towards their parents

At the heart of seeking parental approval is a deep sense of empathy. Understanding and sharing the feelings of their parents is a major trait observed in people who seek their approval.

They are often the ones who make an effort to understand their parents’ perspectives, to walk in their shoes, and to appreciate their struggles. This empathy isn’t just about feeling, it’s also about learning from these experiences and using them as a guide in their own journey.

Empathy leads to connection, understanding, and ultimately, approval. It’s a trait that not only strengthens the bond between parents and children but also builds character and encourages personal growth.

After all, understanding others begins at home, doesn’t it?

Final thoughts: It’s about connection

As we navigate through the complexities of human relationships, it’s important to remember that our ties with our parents often shape our behaviors and reactions in distinct ways.

The desire for parental approval doesn’t fade with age. It simply evolves and manifests in different traits, some of which we’ve explored in this article.

These traits aren’t about dependence or a lack of maturity. They’re about connection, respect, and an enduring bond.

They’re about holding onto the lessons learned, cherishing shared experiences, and valuing the wisdom passed down through generations.

And the next time you notice these traits in someone or even in yourself, know that it’s more than just seeking approval. It’s a silent testament to the lasting influence of our parents.

It’s an affirmation that their words and actions continue to guide and shape us, long after we’ve grown up and moved out.

Because at the end of the day, no matter how old we get, there will always be a part of us that longs for that nod of approval from mom or dad.