No parent sets out to raise unhappy or unsuccessful children. But sometimes, without even realizing it, certain habits can do more harm than good.

Parenting is tough—there’s no rulebook that works for every child. But over time, some behaviors can slowly chip away at a child’s confidence, independence, and overall well-being.

The truth is, small actions add up. And while no one is perfect, recognizing these toxic habits can make a huge difference in shaping a child’s future.

Here are eight parenting habits that can unknowingly lead to unhappy and unmotivated kids.

1) Making all the decisions for their child

Every parent wants what’s best for their child. But sometimes, in trying to protect them, parents end up making every decision—what they should wear, what hobbies they should have, even what career they should pursue.

At first, it might seem like guidance. But over time, it teaches kids one dangerous lesson: that their choices don’t matter.

When children aren’t given the space to make decisions (and mistakes), they never learn confidence or independence. Instead, they grow up uncertain, always looking to others for direction, afraid to trust their own judgment.

Letting kids have a say in their own lives doesn’t mean letting them run wild—it means giving them the chance to build decision-making skills that will serve them for life.

2) Dismissing their child’s feelings

When I was a kid, I remember telling my parents I was nervous about a big school presentation. Instead of acknowledging my fear, they brushed it off with, “Oh, don’t be silly! It’s nothing to worry about.”

I know they meant well, but in that moment, I felt unheard. Like my feelings didn’t matter.

Parents do this all the time without realizing it. They tell their kids to “stop crying,” or that they’re “overreacting.” But when a child’s emotions are constantly dismissed, they learn to bottle everything up instead of working through their feelings in a healthy way.

Over time, this can lead to low self-esteem and difficulty expressing emotions as an adult. A simple “I hear you” or “That sounds tough—do you want to talk about it?” can go a long way in making a child feel valued and understood.

3) Setting unrealistic expectations

Some parents believe that pushing their kids to be the best will set them up for success. But when those expectations become impossible to reach, they do more harm than good.

Children who grow up under constant pressure to be perfect often struggle with anxiety and fear of failure. In fact, studies have shown that children with overly demanding parents are more likely to develop chronic stress and even burnout at a young age.

Instead of motivating kids, unrealistic expectations make them feel like they’ll never be good enough. And when mistakes aren’t seen as learning opportunities but as failures, children may stop trying altogether.

Encouragement is important—but so is allowing kids to grow at their own pace, without the crushing weight of perfection on their shoulders.

4) Controlling their child through guilt

Guilt can be a powerful tool, and some parents use it—intentionally or not—to manipulate their children’s behavior.

Phrases like “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” or “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t act this way” might seem harmless in the moment, but they plant deep emotional wounds.

Children raised with guilt-based parenting often grow up feeling responsible for other people’s emotions. They struggle to set boundaries, fear disappointing others, and may even carry that guilt into adulthood, constantly questioning their own choices.

Love shouldn’t come with conditions. A child should feel valued for who they are, not just for how well they meet a parent’s expectations.

5) Never admitting when they’re wrong

I used to think parents had all the answers. They were the grown-ups, the ones who always knew best. But as I got older, I realized something—some parents refuse to admit when they’re wrong, no matter what.

They make mistakes, just like anyone else, but instead of apologizing, they double down. “Because I said so.” “I’m the parent, you’re the child.” These phrases shut down any conversation and teach kids that authority matters more than honesty.

When a parent never owns up to their mistakes, children learn that admitting fault is a weakness. They either grow up believing they must always be right—or they become people-pleasers who are afraid to stand up for themselves.

Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make a parent weak. In fact, it shows strength and sets an example for kids to take responsibility for their own actions too.

6) Protecting their child from every hardship

It’s natural to want to shield your child from pain, disappointment, or failure. No parent enjoys seeing their kid struggle. But protecting them from every hardship doesn’t help—it actually makes life harder for them in the long run.

When children never face challenges on their own, they don’t learn resilience. They grow up expecting someone to always step in and fix things for them. And then, when real life inevitably throws obstacles their way, they feel completely unprepared.

Struggle isn’t always a bad thing. It teaches problem-solving, patience, and perseverance. Instead of removing every obstacle, sometimes the best thing a parent can do is offer support while letting their child figure things out for themselves.

7) Comparing their child to others

“Why can’t you be more like your sister?” “Look at how well your friend is doing—you should try harder.”

Parents think comparisons will motivate their child to do better, but they usually have the opposite effect. Instead of feeling inspired, kids feel like they’re never enough.

Constant comparisons chip away at self-worth. They make children doubt their own abilities and feel like their unique strengths don’t matter. Over time, this can lead to resentment, low confidence, and even strained relationships with siblings or peers.

Every child has their own path. Encouraging them to do their best—not someone else’s—helps them build confidence in who they are, not just who they’re expected to be.

8) Withholding love and affection

Some parents believe that love should be earned—that children must behave a certain way or achieve certain things to deserve affection.

But when love feels conditional, children grow up constantly seeking approval, afraid that one wrong move will make them unworthy. They struggle with self-acceptance, relationships, and even their own sense of identity.

Every child deserves to feel loved, no matter what. Not for their achievements, not for their obedience—just for who they are.

The small things leave the biggest impact

Parenting isn’t about being perfect. No one gets it right all the time. But the way a child is treated—day after day, in the smallest moments—shapes who they become.

Psychologists have found that a child’s sense of self-worth is largely influenced by how they are spoken to and treated by their parents.

The words, actions, and habits parents model become the foundation for how a child sees themselves and the world around them.

For better or worse, those lessons last a lifetime.