When someone throws a compliment your way, you’d generally feel good about it, right? When a person offers help, you’d usually be grateful. Pretty straightforward, isn’t it?

Well, not always. You see, with narcissists, things are a bit more complicated. They often thread around using subtle phrases that might seem innocent at surface level but are surprisingly mean-spirited when you delve deeper.

In this piece, we’ll explore 8 such phrases narcissists frequently use without even realizing how hurtful they can sound.

As someone who’s spent a lot of time navigating the intricacies of human communication online and offline, I’ve picked up on some of these patterns. So buckle up and prepare for a closer look at the not-so-obvious side of narcissistic communication.

1) “I’m just being honest”

Honesty is generally a virtue, isn’t it? We appreciate truthful interactions and direct communication.

But here’s the catch: Narcissists often disguise their unkind words as honesty. They use phrases like “I’m just being honest” to justify their hurtful comments and mean-spirited behavior.

The thing with this phrase is that it offers them a shield, a way to escape criticism. They put forth their harsh remarks and then hide behind this ‘honesty’ label, making it seem like they’re just speaking their truth, when they’re actually causing emotional harm.

They might not even realize how destructive this can be. But for those on the receiving end, these supposedly ‘honest’ remarks can pack quite a punch.

Navigating such trickery in communication can be challenging. But recognizing these patterns is the first step towards handling them effectively.

2) “You’re too sensitive”

This is a phrase I’ve encountered more than once, and it never fails to sting.

I remember a former friend who had a knack for nasty comments, masked as jokes. One day, he said something particularly harsh about my work. When I confronted him about his behavior, his response was simple: “You’re too sensitive.”

It’s a classic move – deflecting their culpability by shifting the blame onto you. The implication is that the problem isn’t with what they’ve said or done, but with your reaction to it.

Over time, it became clear that this wasn’t an isolated incident but a pattern. He consistently used this phrase to dismiss my feelings and avoid taking responsibility for his actions.

Such phrases can make you second-guess yourself and undermine your self-confidence. It’s essential to remember that your feelings are valid, no matter what someone else might say.

3) “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right”

The phrase “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right” is a classic example of a narcissistic conversation tactic. It’s a subtle way of invalidating another person’s viewpoint under the guise of a rational discussion.

In reality, this phrase is a form of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation technique used to make someone question their own reality or sanity.

When a narcissist says they are not arguing but merely explaining why they’re right, they’re essentially stating that your perspective is not just different, but wrong.

This type of conversation can leave you feeling confused and doubting your own thoughts and feelings. Remember, everyone’s viewpoint has value, and no one has the ultimate say on what’s right or wrong in subjective matters.

4) “You’re overreacting”

Ever been told that you’re making a mountain out of a molehill? That your reaction to a situation is more intense than it should be? If so, you’ve likely been on the receiving end of the phrase “You’re overreacting.”

This is a classic phrase narcissists use to trivialize your feelings and experiences. By telling you that you’re overreacting, they’re attempting to control how you should respond to a situation, often one that they’ve caused.

The irony is, in most cases, your reaction is a normal response to their abnormal behavior. But by using this phrase, they shift the focus away from their actions and onto your response.

Remember, it’s not for someone else to decide how you should feel or respond. Your reactions are your own, and they’re valid.

5) “I don’t remember saying that”

This one is tricky and it’s something I’ve personally encountered.

The phrase “I don’t remember saying that” is a classic deflection technique used by narcissists when they’re confronted about something they’ve said or done. By claiming not to remember, they effectively dodge responsibility for their actions.

In my case, I’d bring up an issue, and the response would invariably be, “I don’t remember saying that.” It’s incredibly frustrating because it feels like you’re dealing with a moving target, someone who won’t acknowledge the impact of their words or actions.

It’s a form of gaslighting that can make you start doubting your own memory.

But trust me, if you know something was said or done, stand firm in your recollection. Your memory is not faulty—it’s their tactic to avoid accountability.

6) “I’m sorry you feel that way”

On the surface, “I’m sorry you feel that way” might seem like an apology. But look a little closer, and you’ll see it’s anything but.

When a narcissist uses this phrase, they aren’t acknowledging their role in causing your feelings. Instead, they’re subtly shifting the blame onto you. It’s as if they’re saying, “I’m sorry that you choose to feel bad about what I did,” instead of owning up to their actions.

This non-apology can leave you feeling invalidated and confused. It’s essential to recognize it for what it is – a cleverly masked attempt to avoid taking responsibility.

Genuine apologies involve acknowledging and taking responsibility for one’s actions, not blaming others for how they feel.

7) “Can’t you take a joke?”

Humor is a wonderful thing.

It lightens our mood, brings us together, and can even help us cope with life’s challenges. But when a narcissist uses the phrase “Can’t you take a joke?”, it’s not about humor at all.

This phrase is often used to disguise hurtful comments and belittling remarks. When they see you’re upset by their ‘joke’, they use this phrase to make it seem like you’re the one with the problem, not them.

It’s a way for them to avoid responsibility for their hurtful words and to make you feel guilty for being upset.

If someone’s ‘joke’ hurts you, it’s not a joke – it’s just plain mean. Your feelings are valid, and no one has the right to belittle them under the guise of humor.

8) “It’s not all about you”

Ironically, when a narcissist uses the phrase “It’s not all about you”, it’s often because they want to make it all about them.

This phrase is usually thrown out when you’re expressing your feelings, needs, or concerns.

By saying this, they’re attempting to shift the focus from you back onto themselves or dismiss your feelings entirely. It’s a way of silencing you, of invalidating your emotions and redirecting the conversation to suit their needs.

Remember, in a healthy interaction, all parties involved have the right to express themselves and be heard. Your feelings and experiences are just as important as anyone else’s. Don’t let anyone undermine that.

Final thoughts

If you’ve made it this far, you’ve probably realized that narcissists, despite their outward confidence, are often some of the most challenging people to interact with.

But it’s crucial to remember that their use of these subtle phrases doesn’t necessarily stem from a place of malice. Rather, it’s an outcome of their skewed perception of self-worth, and their desperate need for control and validation.

And while some of these phrases can be hurtful and manipulative, recognizing them for what they are can help you navigate your interactions with narcissistic individuals more effectively.

As American author and speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer wisely said, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

So, the next time you encounter these phrases, remember that your feelings and experiences are valid. Stand your ground and respond with empathy, but also with assertiveness.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about changing them; it’s about understanding them and protecting your emotional well-being.