There’s a real art to raising kids with strong values. It’s not about strict rules or authoritarian parenting. It’s more subtle than that.

According to psychology, it’s about the quiet behaviors you model every day that shape your children’s character.

As parents, we have an incredible opportunity – and responsibility – to influence our children’s moral compass. But how do we do it without coming across as preachy or dictatorial?

In this article, I’ll share seven subtle behaviors of parents who, according to the wisdom of psychology, excel at instilling good values in their children.

These parents aren’t necessarily parenting experts or psychologists. They’re everyday people like you and me, who have figured out the delicate balance of guiding and influencing their kids towards ethical behavior.

So, let’s dive in and discover these subtle behaviors that can make a world of difference in raising children with good values.

1) Modeling the behavior they want to see

It’s no secret that kids learn more from what we do than from what we say.

And this is where parents who raise children with good values truly shine. They don’t just talk about good values, they live them. Every day, in every interaction.

Whether it’s showing kindness to a stranger, honesty when it would be easier to lie, or patience in the midst of frustration, these parents are living examples of the values they hope to instill in their children.

This is not about being a ‘perfect’ parent – far from it. It’s about showing our kids that we strive to live by our values, even when it’s hard, even when we fail.

As the famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” These parents show their children that learning and growing are lifelong endeavors.

And that our values are not just something we talk about – they are something we strive to live by.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. And our children are always watching.

2) They prioritize open communication

Growing up, my parents always made it clear that no topic was off-limits for discussion. This open line of communication allowed us to navigate tricky subjects and helped instill a sense of trust.

I remember one time, as a teenager, I was invited to a party where I knew there would be alcohol.

Instead of making the decision for me, my parents sat me down and we had an open conversation about the potential risks and consequences.

This not only made me feel respected, but also allowed me to understand the importance of making informed decisions.

This subtle behavior is much more impactful than it seems. It fosters a sense of security, honesty, and mutual respect between parents and children.

By providing an environment where open communication is encouraged, parents help their children take that step forward into growth.

3) They allow their children to make mistakes

Ever let your child make a mistake, even when you could have easily prevented it?

As a parent, it’s instinctual to want to protect our children from failure or discomfort. But the truth is, some of life’s most important lessons come from making mistakes.

Allowing your child to experience the consequences of their actions teaches them about responsibility and the ability to bounce back from adversity.

It’s not about letting them flounder aimlessly, but about guiding them through the aftermath of a poor decision and helping them learn from it.

The famous psychologist Carl Jung said, “The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed.”

This has always resonated with me as I navigate my parenting journey. It’s a reminder that allowing our children to face their own conflicts and learn from their mistakes is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

It’s raw, it’s honest, and it’s not always easy. But it’s an essential behavior for raising children with good values.

4) They practice active listening

Active listening is more than just hearing what your child is saying. It’s about showing genuine interest and responding in a way that makes them feel heard and understood.

A study from the University of Michigan Health System found that children who feel their parents are genuinely interested in their feelings and thoughts are more likely to express themselves openly and honestly.

This open dialogue can lead to better communication, stronger relationships, and improved behavioral outcomes.

I know it’s not always easy to put everything aside and focus solely on your child, especially in our busy lives. But these moments of undivided attention can make a world of difference.

Active listening shows respect for your child’s feelings and teaches them the importance of empathy – a value that will serve them well throughout their lives.

5) They set and maintain boundaries

Boundaries might not seem like the most loving thing to set for your child, but they’re incredibly important for their development.

When my children were younger, I found setting boundaries challenging. I wanted them to explore and learn, but I also wanted to keep them safe.

Eventually, I realized that setting clear boundaries helped them understand what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Boundaries provide structure and predictability, which can be very comforting for children. They know what’s expected of them and what will happen if they don’t respect these rules.

This is where boundaries come into play.  They help children understand that while their needs are important, they must also consider the needs of others.

Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about controlling your children. It’s about teaching them respect, self-discipline, and consideration – all essential values for their future lives.

6) They don’t rush to solve their child’s problems

It might seem contradictory, but sometimes the best way to help our children is not to help them at all.

As a parent, it’s natural to want to swoop in and fix everything for our little ones. But in doing so, we could be depriving them of valuable learning opportunities.

When my daughter was having a hard time with a school project, my first instinct was to step in and help her out.

But then I remembered the words of the famous psychologist Albert Bandura, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.”

So instead of solving the problem for her, I chose to guide her in finding her own solutions. It was challenging for both of us, but ultimately rewarding when she finally figured it out on her own.

By stepping back and allowing our children to face their own challenges, we’re helping them build resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of self-efficacy.

7) They lead with love and understanding

In the end, the most impactful behavior of parents who raise children with good values is that they lead with love and understanding.

As the renowned psychologist Erich Fromm said, “The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.”

Ensuring a child feels loved and understood provides them with a secure base from which they can explore the world, make mistakes, learn, and grow into independent and responsible individuals.

It’s as simple – and as challenging – as that.

Final reflections

The journey of parenthood is, without a doubt, one filled with complex emotions, unanticipated challenges, and immense joy.

It’s a delicate dance of nurturing our children, guiding them, and gradually letting go as they develop into individuals with their own values and perspectives.

These seven subtle behaviors are not a definitive roadmap but rather gentle guideposts to steer us in our parenting journey.

They remind us that raising children with good values is less about dictating what’s right and wrong and more about providing the love, understanding, and space for our kids to grow, explore, make mistakes, and learn from them.

In the end, it’s about modeling the values we want to see in our children. It’s about leading by example in our everyday actions.

Because ultimately, our children are always watching us, learning from us.

And remember, there’s no such thing as perfect parenting. We’re all just doing our best to raise good human beings.

And that alone is a beautiful thing worth reflecting on.